Monique H.

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I can't believe how much attention I'm getting from men now. I've been going out on the weekends and I literally have one guy waiting while one finishes talking to me. I'm trying to not let it all go to me head, but man! Too bad I still have all of these insecurities about my body. Oh yeah and the scale is at a stand still again. Oh well hopefully all things will work out great for me.

I'll take it! As of this morning I am moderately overweight and no longer obese!! Yay! The scale said 180 this morning 15 pounds from my first goal. I'm so encouraged. The scale still fluctuates but I now have faith that it is going to go back down. l still can't believe 15 more pounds and I'll be 165. I wear from size 12-16 in bottoms. Actually the size 12's that I have seem big. The 16s are definitely loose and so are the 14s. I guess i just wanted to post something positive. I'm really glad things are starting to look up.

Well I wake up this morning and get on the scale and it said 189!!! In my previous post you will remember me saying that 189 was the lowest weight I remember in my adult life. When I reached that point I had been starving myself and taking all kinds of things to get my weight down. It was very short lived. I remember wearing this dress that was a size 14 as well. I haven't tried on any size 14s but I'm quite sure I will get there shortly. It is truly a happy day for me. Do I want to lose more weight? Of course! Do I want to make it to 145 I'm really starting to think that I don't. I want to get small enough to have a little room for the bounce back weight that everyone talks about, but I'm not sure if I actually want to be that skinny. Plus I know they're going to have quite a bit of extra skin to take off of me. I really think 165 would be a great goal AND that would mean that I only have 24 more pounds to lose! I hope I can lose that and be at goal by my 1 year surgiversary. I think I'm starting to like my DS. Just by the way the scale has been moving for me I know that it will go back up and down 5 pounds before i see another loss, but I can deal with that. I am officially able to claim onderland. YAY ME!!!! Happy Mothers Day!!! 

I'm really just waiting to find out that my scale is malfunctioning or something. Over the past few days my weight keeps dropping. As of today I am 191 pounds. Could this be possible? Could I really honestly and truly be in onederland to stay.  I'm just a few pounds away from my lowest weight that I ever remember. Back when I was starving myself one time I got to 189. I was only at that weight for a little while, but I have been thinking all along if I could just get back to that weight I would be happy. I've gone back and forth with my goal weights. Maybe I can make it to 145 after all.

Well I had my six month post op appointment which was absolutely horrible as far as weight loss goes. Still trying to keep my head up though. Yesterday I weighed in at 195 which is 200 pounds loss from my highest recorded weight. I just wish it wouldn't have taken two revisions to get here. When I look at the big picture though it does make me feel pretty good. Well I just wanted to do a check in so that hopefully 6 months from now I can look back and laugh at how worried I was.

but only for a day. I went on a cruise and the next morning after I came back I went down to 199. Of course it went back up to 202 the next day, but it felt good for the day. I'm trying to just prepare my stuff for a long slow journey, but plan on making it to my goal.

On another note I'm down to a size 16 dress and pants. I ended up buying a couple of dresses that were 16s because my sister made me try them on. They both fit! Then I decided to go to the store and try on some pants and guess what? They fit and much better than the 18s and 20s I have now that are so baggy on me. I can't wait for it to go down some more. I'm starting to think about changing my goal weight to 165 so that way when I have plastics I won't be too small.

Well this was my rambling for the month. I hope to have great news the next time that I post.

Why can't I lose this weight and why does the scale keep teasing me.  I know I should stay away, but I can't. I was able to get down to 202 for a little while BUT why has the scale gone back up to 207?! I just don't understand this. I've been told that the weight should be melting off but if it is it is pouring itself right back on. I'm so frustrated. To top it all off my schedule is so hectic that I can't find a lot of time to get to the gym. Just needed to write down my frustations hopefully things will change soon. 

On a positive note I'm going on a cruise in 20 days. I'm kind of worried about sharing a cabin with people because you know how tiny those are. I've ordered some just a drop and am hoping that will work. I can't wait to see what kind of DS friendly stuff they have there.

Well I'm going for my 3 month check up today. I'm going crazy. I wanted to be down more when I go in but no such luck. I did go down to 209 the very next day after my last post. I went down to 207 a couple of days after that, but I'm back up to 209.  Why why why are there so many ups and downs. I feel like I'm on a dang roller coaster. I feel like I'm eating too much AND I feel like I'm taking in too much fat and that may be the problem with the weight loss. I feel like I'm going to stop losing all together and I just want to get the weight off already so I can worry about something else like maybe keeping the weight of :) or getting plastics or something. I'm afraid to switch up my diet too much and I feel like I need to be working with a nutrionist for ds patients. I'll be talking to Maria about that today. I'll also be attending the support group in San Francisco today.

Well I just thought I'd put my thoughts down so hopefully one day I'll be able to go back, read it, and laugh at my insanity. Everyone have a blessed day!

Okay I officially think I'm going crazy. I keep going up then down then up now headed back down again. I went down to 209 and then went up to 216 now as of this morning I'm back down to 210. I wish I would have put how much I weighed last time I posted so I would have been able to keep track. I will be 3 months out on the 15th and I have to keep telling myself that an average of 11 pounds a month is still good even if I did lose most of it the first month. As I've stated before I'm really afraid that I'm going to stop losing again and regain my weight back. I'm trying different recipes from sparkpeople and I'm really enjoying some of them. I made stew in the crockpot for the first time in my life believe it or not. It was great to me, but the kids didn't like it. I think it was because of the thyme I put in it. I also put some cayenne and it was great. The only thing is that I didn't put enough cauliflower in it. I added some potatoes because of the kids and didn't add as much cauliflower because the pot was filling up. Believe it or not the cauliflower tasted way better than the potatoes. Since the kids wouldn't eat it I froze it and occasionally thaw some out, but this is bad because I have had a couple of pieces of potatoes. Please know that I do NOT eat potatoes all the time. My meals/recipes usually consist of meat, some kind of cheese, and vegetables.

Why I'm rambling on and on about this stuff I don't know. I guess I just want to document this journey as much as possible. I hope by the time I go to my three month check up that I have lost some more weight. I will post an update at that time. I hope that everyone will keep me in your prayers that I will be successful with this thing they call the ds :)

Oh before I go I also tried the flourless peanut butter cookies today. They are very easy to make and I think it would satisfy any carb cravings I may have. The only thing is that I hate the splenda after taste. If anyone has any other  suggestions for me feel free to let me know.

Oh I also made some egg salad today. It tastes pretty good. I just can't get my mind past the fact that it has the egg whites in it. I've always eaten just the yolk because I hated the white. Ugh sometimes my mind and the way it operates really makes me sick.

Well it is now 12 am so I guess it is officially past my birthday, but until I go to sleep I'm still counting it as my day. I ended up going to Outback for dinner so I could have a good steak. Anyway I ended up having a cup of potato soup and two bites of Sydneys Sinful Sunday since they brought it to me. I do believe I could have done a lot worse but didn't. I did come home and decide to weight myself. I know it's late but it still has me up two pounds. I know I'm paranoid, but given my history I can't help it. Well hopefully I've been scared straight and since I'm not having another birthday for a year I won't have to worry about making another excuse about my choice to take my two bites. That might not make sense to some, but at least I know what I'm saying. I'm still losing. It is slow but it is going away. Next year I hope to celebrate my birthday and be at my goal weight when I do it!