littled
we will see who is nuts...
Sep 20, 2009
Booked my psych appt across in International Falls for Oct 15. It is with a lady psychologist I heard she is nice but we will see who really is nuts between the two of us. I vote for me! I have even tried to study for the test! LOL I have been looking online at the questions that are on the test, you can find ANYTHING online if you look. I would hate to pay all that money out and find out I don't qualify. I found a bargain psych, its only $295!
I know I have quirks, like anyone else, and yes some of my life experiences have influenced me negatively. If they hadn't I wouldn't be hiding behind this wall of blubber. But hopefully I can fool her enough to get the green light. One step closer. It sure seems like the day will never come but I know it will eventually. After that I have my first appts in Duluth with the medical team and then the waiting game.
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I know I have quirks, like anyone else, and yes some of my life experiences have influenced me negatively. If they hadn't I wouldn't be hiding behind this wall of blubber. But hopefully I can fool her enough to get the green light. One step closer. It sure seems like the day will never come but I know it will eventually. After that I have my first appts in Duluth with the medical team and then the waiting game.
Tired and dumb
Sep 12, 2009
Here I sit its 4:00 a.m. and I am at work, I just polished off a 20 piece box of Timbits, (Canadian donut holes!) what a stupid thing to do. I can't stop eating, especially on night shift. I guess the only good thing is I don't eat during the day when I am on nights. I really hate this shift, it screws up my whole system.
I am tired and cranky, hope no one needs assistance tonight, they will be barking up the wrong tree!
I hope if I get the surgery I will be able to stop eating like this, I have gained weight since I made my decision! Can't stop eating! Probably think I need to make up for my lost food when I am on the loser's side. I have to kick my sweet addiction thats for sure. My worst enemy is sugar. I love it but I am allergic, I break out in FAT! LOL
Time to do some work, soon to be home in bed.
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I am tired and cranky, hope no one needs assistance tonight, they will be barking up the wrong tree!
I hope if I get the surgery I will be able to stop eating like this, I have gained weight since I made my decision! Can't stop eating! Probably think I need to make up for my lost food when I am on the loser's side. I have to kick my sweet addiction thats for sure. My worst enemy is sugar. I love it but I am allergic, I break out in FAT! LOL
Time to do some work, soon to be home in bed.
info session
Sep 09, 2009
I attended the info seminar last night in Duluth. I must say I wasn't impressed all that much. The doctor who gave the seminar appeared more to be making a sales pitch than anything else. It was Dr. Barkley I think. Anyway there wasn't any info I didn't know, of course I have been researching a lot before hand. The one thing that disturbed me was he said not to expect surgery before 8-18 months after your consults!! That is way too long as my insurance is already approved and only good for 9 months total. It has already been 2 months since it was approved. Maybe I should just go on a diet! Jeez!
I hope that is wrong as I have Dr. Pitt. Maybe he will be different. But there were about 50 people there who were signing up for appts. I was surprised how many there were. So the Drs must be busy I guess.
Also he said if you live more than 2 hours from Duluth you have to stay in Duluth for 5 extra days after getting out of the hospital. I like a smart ass raised my hand and said what about 3 hours? But that didn't fly. He said oh you Canadians are here for the duration! Something about the border. Well I live right on the border and unless it is summer when there is tourist back up I can get across in 2 minutes. So I thought that was a bit much. The cost of renting a hotel room for 5 days plus my daughter having to take that much time off work is a tough pill to swallow.
Anyway enough bitching I guess, I need to get off to work. Lots to think about though.
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I hope that is wrong as I have Dr. Pitt. Maybe he will be different. But there were about 50 people there who were signing up for appts. I was surprised how many there were. So the Drs must be busy I guess.
Also he said if you live more than 2 hours from Duluth you have to stay in Duluth for 5 extra days after getting out of the hospital. I like a smart ass raised my hand and said what about 3 hours? But that didn't fly. He said oh you Canadians are here for the duration! Something about the border. Well I live right on the border and unless it is summer when there is tourist back up I can get across in 2 minutes. So I thought that was a bit much. The cost of renting a hotel room for 5 days plus my daughter having to take that much time off work is a tough pill to swallow.
Anyway enough bitching I guess, I need to get off to work. Lots to think about though.
tomorrow is info session
Sep 08, 2009
Tomorrow I drive the 3 1/2 hours to Duluth to attend the info session. Its a long drive for an hour session but it will be worth it I am sure. One step closer to surgery. I have started to have second thoughts but I know it is the best thing for me to improve my health.
My boyfriend keeps saying soon I will be in a bikini. NOT bloody likely! I have seen my skin and it would look terrible. I am afraid I will need skin removal, not sure about that, I was hoping that it wouldn't be necessary but with my age and weight I am sure I will need it. I am not looking forward to more surgery.
Anyway I hope to have a good trip tomorrow and get lots of info.
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My boyfriend keeps saying soon I will be in a bikini. NOT bloody likely! I have seen my skin and it would look terrible. I am afraid I will need skin removal, not sure about that, I was hoping that it wouldn't be necessary but with my age and weight I am sure I will need it. I am not looking forward to more surgery.
Anyway I hope to have a good trip tomorrow and get lots of info.
got my surgical consults set up
Sep 03, 2009
Well I finally heard from Duluth and got my first appts set up. I wasn't overjoyed about my dates, end of October but it will have to do. I could have had the first of October but I have out of town company coming in that day. So the end will have to do.
I must admit I felt immediately sick to my stomach when the call came. I am excited but also terrified at the same time. I have been discussing this with my boyfriend and have been thinking my whole life is about to change, can I deal with this? After all I have been fat all my life, to be anything else will be a shock. I mean I don't even know how to be thin! Its almost like changing my race, or my sex. I will have to live like a "normal" person. I don't know if I can. But I am willing to try.
Also they told me my doctor would be Dr. Pitt, I thought we had a choice of doctor but I guess not. I hope he is good. The nurse said I would be meeting with dietitian and nurse and then the doctor. Apparently you meet for 3 hours with him? I can't remember when I saw a doctor for more than 10 minutes! LOL I hope we have stuff to talk about!
Anyway I need to go and sweat the small stuff!
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I must admit I felt immediately sick to my stomach when the call came. I am excited but also terrified at the same time. I have been discussing this with my boyfriend and have been thinking my whole life is about to change, can I deal with this? After all I have been fat all my life, to be anything else will be a shock. I mean I don't even know how to be thin! Its almost like changing my race, or my sex. I will have to live like a "normal" person. I don't know if I can. But I am willing to try.
Also they told me my doctor would be Dr. Pitt, I thought we had a choice of doctor but I guess not. I hope he is good. The nurse said I would be meeting with dietitian and nurse and then the doctor. Apparently you meet for 3 hours with him? I can't remember when I saw a doctor for more than 10 minutes! LOL I hope we have stuff to talk about!
Anyway I need to go and sweat the small stuff!
Waiting for first appointment
Jul 16, 2009
Just received my approval from OHIP for the surgery. I am definitely scared, don't want to die! My daughter is against it, and I am not sure how my man feels. While he would like me to be thinner he loves me unconditionally and doesn't want me to have complications. How did I deserve him? I am so lucky.
I have been fat all my life, and I have given up on fighting the dieting. The surgery is so scary and I feel like a failure for not being able to do this on my own, after all, eat less, exercise more, simple mathematics, right?So why is something so logical impossible to do?
So I am waiting to hear from the clinic to go through the next steps. I certainly hope I am making the right decisions. Don't want to wake up dead! LOL
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I have been fat all my life, and I have given up on fighting the dieting. The surgery is so scary and I feel like a failure for not being able to do this on my own, after all, eat less, exercise more, simple mathematics, right?So why is something so logical impossible to do?
So I am waiting to hear from the clinic to go through the next steps. I certainly hope I am making the right decisions. Don't want to wake up dead! LOL
