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I have my first fill on Monday.  I'm nervous about it but also excited.  I'm definitely ready for some restriction.  This past three weeks has definitely shown me how much I needed this surgery.  I can't even stay at status quo for a few weeks without restriction.  Oh well.  Monday will be great I'm sure and I can move forward with my with my weight loss journey.

  I have gained 2 pounds this week.  I'm so frustrated.  I know this is the hardest time, but still.  It doesn't make any sense to me.  I'm so terrified that I'm going to fail at this.  This is my last shot and if I fail at this then...I don't know.  I'm scared.

I can't believe it's only been four weeks.  It feels like a lifetime.  I'm doing ok.  I am definitely in bandster hell.  I am not losing weight and it's frustrating.  I go for my first fill in 2 weeks.  I was so frustrated when the scheduler told me I would have to wait 3 weeks instead of the 2 Dr. LaMasters told me because they didn't have any afternoon openings.  So I have to go through this for another week.  It shouldn't be that bad, but I'm just too hard on myself most of the time.  Since I'm not losing I feel like a failure, even though I know this is normal.  Two weeks.  I'll just have to put my nose down and push through I guess.  Wish me luck.

This pureed diet is killing me!  I need some food with some texture.  And I have been craving pizza for weeks.  I've been really good and not had any, but I really really really want some.  I've found myself saying oh you're only a few days away from solid food.  You can do it a few days early.  I know I can't, and it's frustrating to me that I would even think that.  What does that say about me and my will power?  How will I ever succeed with this band if I have thoughts and an attitude like that.  I pray that I can hold out until Tuesday, but I don't have much confidence in myself.

I'm a little over 2 weeks out.  It's been a LONG two weeks.  I was in a lot of pain after the surgery.  More than I expected to be.  I was just starting to feel better when my son came down with a nasty virus and I had to take him to the ER.  Well 4 days after he got it I got it.  I am still wiped out but I'm starting to feel a little better.  I am still losing weight which is amazing to me.  This hasn't been easy but it is definitely worth it.  I still struggle with the "what did I do to myself?"  But that is getting a little better every day.  It's still 4 weeks till I get my first fill.  I'm excited and nervous about that.  Right now I just want to be able to eat normal food again.  They tell you that the emotional part of this is harder than the physical and you don't really believe it till it you go through it.  I'm so glad we all have this place tohelp us through it.  I would be lost if I didn't have the friends new and old that I've made here.  Well I'll stop rambling now.

My surgery day wasn't too bad.  I had to be at the hospital at 5:00 AM.  So I was up at 3:45.  Man I was tired.  We got there and did all the paperwork then was taken back into the pre-op area.  They took blood, put in an IV, gave me a blood thinner, and game a dopamine patch so I wouldn't be throwing up after surgery.  I talked to Dr. LaMasters PA Alissa then was taken back to the OR.  It was freezing.  I talked to Dr. LaMasters before they put me under.  I remembe waking up to them asking me if i was in pain.  I was and I was a little nausious.  So they gave me more meds and I was feeling great.  They took me to my room then brought my mom in.  She told me that Dr. LaMasters had problems placing the port.  It kept getting kincked.  So she had to move the port lower than she normally does.  She told my mom that my abdominal cavity was too narrow.  The first time I've ever had anyone tell me somthing is too narrow on me.  LOL  I had to wait forever to go to radiology.  I had to drink barium and have a doc look at the x-rays to make sure everything was in place right.  After that was done I finally got something to drink.  My mouth was like a cotten ball, a very bad tasting cotton ball.  LOL  I felt really good yesterday.  I've been taking the pain meds on a regular basis to try to stay ahead of the pain.  But that first incision where she normally places the port is very sore.  She told my mom it probably would be because they had to mess with it the most.  The only other thing is I can't sleep laying down.  It's very uncomfortable.  So I spent most of the first night in the recliner.  Just a little thing so I can handle that.  I feel better and better everyday.  I stopped taking the pain meds today so it is a little more sore, but that's to be expected.  I do spend most of my nights in the bed now.  My right should does not hurt anymore at all, but my left one started hurting yesterday.  So hopefully that'll be gone soon.  I have noticed that my tummy rummbles and grummbles a lot.  It seems really loud to me, but everyone else says they can't here it.  I start back to work/clinicals on Tuesday.  That will be the real test.  Wish me luck! 

My surgery day wasn't too bad.  I had to be at the hospital at 5:00 AM.  So I was up at 3:45.  Man I was tired.  We got there and did all the paperwork then was taken back into the pre-op area.  They took blood, put in an IV, gave me a blood thinner, and game a dopamine patch so I wouldn't be throwing up after surgery.  I talked to Dr. LaMasters PA Alissa then was taken back to the OR.  It was freezing.  I talked to Dr. LaMasters before they put me under.  I remembe waking up to them asking me if i was in pain.  I was and I was a little nausious.  So they gave me more meds and I was feeling great.  They took me to my room then brought my mom in.  She told me that Dr. LaMasters had problems placing the port.  It kept getting kincked.  So she had to move the port lower than she normally does.  She told my mom that my abdominal cavity was too narrow.  The first time I've ever had anyone tell me somthing is too narrow on me.  LOL  I had to wait forever to go to radiology.  I had to drink barium and have a doc look at the x-rays to make sure everything was in place right.  After that was done I finally got something to drink.  My mouth was like a cotten ball, a very bad tasting cotton ball.  LOL  I felt really good yesterday.  I've been taking the pain meds on a regular basis to try to stay ahead of the pain.  But that first incision where she normally places the port is very sore.  She told my mom it probably would be because they had to mess with it the most.  The only other thing is I can't sleep laying down.  It's very uncomfortable.  So I spent most of last night in the recliner.  Just a little thing so I can handle that.  Hopefully that one incision won't be so sore tomorrow.  Thank you all for your support.  It means a lot to me!  I'm finally on the loser's bench!  YAY

I'm so nervous and I don't know what to do to calm myself down.  Tomorrow is my final consult.  We'll be scheduling the surgery.  I can't believe it's acutally going to happen.  It's been such a long shot for so long that to actually have it close to happening is freaking me out a little.  Hopefully tomorrow goes well and afterwards I'll be happy as can be.

So I haven't been on here in forever.  I was in what I like to call "the black hole".  Really it's just college, but for the last five or six months if it hasn't been about school I didn't know it was happening.  Well the good news is that I just recieved my letter of approval from the insurance company.  I'm so freaking excited!  I can't begin to tell you.  I have my appointment with Dr. LaMasters Tuesday.  The only cloud on the horizon is my clinicals start on Jan 13.  So I'm not sure when I'll actually be able to have the surgery.  Missing clinicals is really really bad so I don't know.  But I will have it.  I am determined. 

So I haven't exercised since the 8th.  What started off so well went downhill quickly.  But I'm going to get back into it now.  Not that there is any excuse but I did move my entire house with just me and my parents.  I had a migraine that required a visit to the ER.  My nephew had fever convulsions and had to be taken to the ER.  I got the stomach flu and was throwing up for two days. It hasn't been the best month.  But I got my gym membership back and will be going as much as I can.  I'm going for every day, but I'm also going to be realistic.  So hopefully next week I'll have more to add.