Kbam1812

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Well it is getting closer my surgery date is 8 days away from today, i just have to wonder will i be kicking my own butt when i wake up in what i am sure will be pain going WTF did you do you dum a**?? however i DO want to be in a size 16 (14 would be absolutely awesome!!) and be able to fit this big ol butt back in a roller coaster and be outside planting my garden in memory of my mom who loved flowers on the vine (they died too soon if you cut them she said) and my BELOVED Father, being able to live the way i want to live i dont want my legs so sore i can hardly walk, or be so embarrassed to go swimming and be able to take kids to the zoo without thinkin dam it would be great if we could ride in a golf cart, or sweat so bad i look like i just got out of the shower (usually in a checkout lane at the store?? maybe i dont want to spend that money??) i want to walk in and grab a pair of jeans off the rack and say wow these are gonna fit me?? and wear a size large shirt not an XL OR XXL i want all these things and i dont want to lose my limbs the way my mother did thank you very much, but god bless ya all thanks for keepin me company along this journey and listen to the words in this video it shakes you to the core of your heart
hugs 
kat
MY GOD ITS GONNA BE ROUGH EVERY TIME I HEAR THIS SONG ON MY SITE IM GONNA CRY!!!! LOL 

I miss you mom and dad!!!!!

whew!!! what a bunch of work!! lol i think i stressed off 2 lbs just tryin to figure that out lol.........seriously, nothin new just another 24 hrs down lol.............doin alot of profile surfin, hopin wishin and dreamin of how great all of you are doin and prayin i can do at least some as well as you all ;) 

God bless you guys for giving me all these wonderful lights to aspire to

hugs from the mitten

kat

 

 

 


here we are on the 25th.......my surgery is tuesday may 15 so according to the calendar i have what? 2o more days?? omg is this gonna be a loooonnnnnggggg 20 days :( thats ok though ive been here for 2 years getting tests done and insurance changed.......so i guess 20 days isnt all that bad lol!!! i have to be on a liquid diet for 2 weeks prior so next tuesday i go full liquid, i went and bought my shakes today to begin that next week (73.50 for ONE week) what an expensive venture this is, i am so sure it will be so worth it all though, i will keep on the positive side of this thing.
I have to say thank you to all you wonderful angels out there that have been encouraging me and trying to keep my spirits up you all are angels in the truest forms and i thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the inspiration and relief you bring, you all soothe nerves and bring light and smiles to my heart and that is worth gold to me. I dont have a big social circle, so you all dont even realize the wonderful impact you are having on me. Im gonna have to send Dr Doyle my main doc a bouquet of flowers for steering me to this site to begin with, i will always love and appreciate him for telling me about you all.

Heres hopin the next 2o days FLY by hug and love to you all

Luv 
kat

YAY i was feeling like it was such a long ways out but doin that makes me see its only 3 weeks away!!! thats too hip........Now if i can just figure out how to make this counter thing and care bear pic show up on my posts, all im seeing is the codes (????) anyone have any ideas why that is??? Im so excited about getting started on my new life....at least that is a bright spot in my day.....Now if i can get the boyfriends ex um wife to give his little girls what we sent them for easter i would be all right  :/ we boxed them up some great easter baskets and sent them to jersey ( where hes from) and she says shes sending them back (??!!!) theyre only 6 and 8 for petes sake!!!! (focus on the surgery kat focus on the surgery) well i guess ill get off here for now keep me in yalls prayers will ya??

Hugs from the mitten
kat

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Not sure if i should have done THAT although im still thinking may 15 is such a long way off, it really didnt look all that bad, im wondering about a pain medication called on Q? anyone know anything about it??? guess i will have to ask the doctors about it see if theyve ever heard anything, i would upload some pics on here but the only ones i have are of me looking good on optifast WHO keeps pics of themselves heavy?? obviously not me talk about total DENIAL, well, i think i have to go take my daughter to work probably be good to get out of the house and stop thinking about this...........OH BY THE WAY i also ordered myself a dress (size 16 ;) ..) as incentive lol i wear a size 24 pants right now i cannot EVEN imagine being in a 16 again ive only been in that once since 7th grade and that wasnt for long...I might add i have scared myself more than once because i cannot picture myself skinny............OMG what if i dont make it kinda thing so if i have this size 16 staring at me every time i walk in my bedroom i will be motivated? lets hope so or thats a total waste of 22.00 lol....well i can always look at that and say "now thats what DREAMS are made of"
God bless ya all
hugs
kat

This waiting is going to be the end of me, i have gotten a confirmed date it is for May 15..................:( god that seems so long away, it just makes me second guess and worry and fret...I know stupid stupid STUPID !!! i weigh 335 pounds im dang near 6 ft tall and sometimes i second guess and think this is too extreme a step BUT also i was on optifast and really lost alot of weight i was in a very tight 14 before i went back to my old ways of eating and of course gained it ALL back and it brought friends :( I am the heaviest ive ever been in my entire life im totally miserable i dont feel like doin NUTHIN or goin ANYWHERE, I just feel like im in slow slow SLOW mode now that i have a date, the tentative date got changed because my doc is going to be in a seminar all week long the week of may 7 :( so here we go for the 15th of May I really want to be way skinnier when we go get Vics kids around August just so i can be somethin he can be proud of when he visits with his friends in jersey, he says hes proud of me now but im so NOT i dont like the way my legs and feet HURT when i walk or how they swell cuz im sitting in a chair I need to do somethin and do it NOW i watched my mother die of complications of diabetes I have no desire to go that route..........I am a type II diabetic, I guess part of the problem is i have no support from my sister at all she was screaming at me about being so stupid a week ago and hung up on me and i havent heard from her since................its not helping with the depression she says im feeling that because i KNOW i shouldnt do this......sigghghhhh, well thanks for being here to allow me to vent i think ill just go cry in my room.........
have a blessed day
kat