DALLASMA03
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I FEEL
Mar 13, 2007
WELL.... TODAY IS 03/13/07, ONLY 6 DAYS UNTIL MY WLS!!! I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL. AT ONE POINT I GET HAPPY LOOKING AT ALL THESE BEFORE AND AFTER PICS AND THIS SITE AND THINK I'LL BE FINE. THEN, REALITY SETS IN AND I KNOW THIS IS A SERIOUS SURGERY, BUT SO IS A C-SECTION, RIGHT? AND I'VE HAD 2 OF THOSE. I KEEP TRYING TO PUSH THE BAD STUFF OUT I THINK I'M PANICKING, I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL, I'LL JUST BE GLAD WHEN THIS IS ALL OVER AND THE POSSIBLITY OF DEATH ISN'T LOOMING OVER MY HEAD. I'VE READ A LOT OF PPL SAY THINGS LIKE THEY WROTE THEIR FINAL LETTERS JUST IN CASE, BUT THAT TERRIFYS ME!!! I JUST CAN'T BRING MYSELF TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT. I THINK I'VE GOTTEN SEVERAL CONFIRMATIONS THAT THIS IS WHAT GOD WANTS ME TO DO, BECAUSE I PRAYED THAT IF IT'S NOT FOR ME FOR GOD TO HINDER IT, AND THIS HAS BEEN THE SMOOTHES THING I'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE!!! I HAD NO TROUBLE WITH THE INSURANCE OR EVEN GETTING APPROVED, I GOT THAT IN LESS THAN 24 HRS FROM THE SUBMISSION TIME!! U WOULD THINK THAT WOULD BE ENOUGH FOR ME, BUT I'M SUCH A WORRY WART. I TRUST THAT GOD WILL SEE ME THROUGH THIS, AND I KNOW HE WILL WATCH OVER ME AND GUIDE MY SURGEON'S HAND, SOMEBODY TELL ME........IS THIS NORMAL??? I FORGOT TO MENTION, I'VE ALWAYS AHAD A PHOBIA FOR DEATH AND BAD THINGS HAPPENING, WITH FAMILY, KIDS, ETC. ARE THESE INTENSE FEELINGS I'M HAVING JUST A BI-PRODUCT OF THAT? THE FACT THAT MY DOCS HASN'T AHAD ANY DEATHS AND HE SAID NO LEAKS (DUE TO DOUBLE SUTURING) ASSURED ME SOME, BUT I KEEP THINK WHAT IF I'M THAT ONE FATALITY... SOMEBODY HELP!!!!!!!! SORRY FOR THE RANT.
