I am in pain -- doing contortions this morning to get in to pantyhose -- my thighs are so sore; yes, you have my permission to laugh at me. I cannot believe how I ache!   A more limber me, post surgery, will not be in such discomfort.  That's my plan.

 

In the new Bond movie, Skyfall, James does a word association exercise with a psychiatrist.

His response to the word "day" was "wasted". That's my response to this afternoon's pre-surgery information session at the Ottawa weight management clinic. Afternoon? "Wasted".

I didn't learn anything new, I was irritated by those lumpen folks who knew *nothing* about how they have to eat post surgery, and it cost me $13.50 in parking to boot.

HOWEVER, it is one more step closer to surgery, so ... whining complete. Thank you for your attention.

 

Happy, happy, joy, joy -- I've got my pre-surgery class and surgical consent appointment

   

Psssssssssst!

It has happened.

I have two appointments - a lovely man named Uzo called me this afternoon.

Wednesday, November 14 - pre-surgery class.

Thursday, December 6 - surgery consent meeting with Dr. Mamazza.

I'm dancing, I'm singing ... it is a day of grinning at myself in the mirror.

It has happened.  I am so pleased!   It's hard to tell, eh?

 

 

While I was out today, I got two calls from the Weight Management Clinic:

1. one reminding me of my appointment November 7 with the delightful Dr. Shiau;  and
2. a second asking me to "call us for an appointment".

Haven't a clue what that one's about.

I'm way too gun shy with this process to even hope that it's something good. I'll find out in the morning. Or not.

Who knows (and at this point, who gives a damn).

Who me?  Fed up?  Pissy mood?   Yeah, it's all barometric pressure problems due to Sandy the Superstorm  Yeah, that's it.

It's my blog and I'll bitch if I want to (sing along)

 

 

 

...of non-smoking.

Thirteen years, 10 hours, 38 minutes and 30 seconds. 237472 cigarettes not smoked, saving $41,225.17. Life saved: 2 years, 13 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 20 minutes.

 

I posted the cartoon because I needed the laugh.

I've hit another reminder (read "low point") of how much I need weight loss surgery.  

I sing in a chorus at church, not the choir, because I don't sing well enough for that, but a nice women's chorus nonetheless.  I like to sing and I like the women, we are friends.  We sing in church once a month or so, and we sing "out" at retirement homes in the neighbourhood (Kanata). 

We wear a white blouse with a lovely blue scarf and black pants or skirts. 

I've put on ten pounds or more in the past four months, (adding insulin to control my blood sugars adds weight) which makes my one black skirt too tight and my black jeans inappropriate.  I had to buy a pair of black pants.   I've not been buying clothes because (a) I'm having surgery and (b) the selection in this size is lousy and expensive.   So, not finding anything at Value Village or Sally Ann, or the consignment stores I frequent, I resorted to WalMart, where I got a 4X black polyester elastic waist disgusting pair of pants.   They are humiliatingly large, they are plastic pieces of clothing and I loathe WalMart in all its multinationalistic existence.

I've never dressed so poorly in all my life.   The plastic pants fit.   This is what my life has become.

Damn I need to laugh.

November 7 I see Dr. Shiau at the Weight Management Clinic -- I'm willing to go on Optifast now for a month to get my blood sugars controlled.   Such a lousy way to lurch from appointment to appointment.  The days are getting darker and my mood is, too.

Damn, damn ... plastic pants.   Sheesh, that's damned sad.

This is how I feel sometimes.

Yes, I can.

Why, you ask?

Because I freakin' ACED my angiogram yesterday. In the words of the cardiologist "Marilyn, there are no blockages in your cardiac arteries and everything looks good."

So, after five different tests and procedures which started in May of this year, I *am* not going to be stopped from WLS by any cardiac problem.

Relieved, and resting comfortably, thank you very much, I remain, yours truly...

the happiest woman in Ottawa.

Thank you so much for your good wishes, your thoughts and your prayers.

I am truly grateful this Thanksgiving weekend.

Tuesday ...
I had a 7:45 a.m. opthalmologist appointment -- had set my alarm but dozed and woke at 7:17. Much cursing, had time to brush teeth and hair, swipe on Secret, feed cat and got there on time. Thank goodness it was just at Carling and Woodroffe. All good news -- no retinopathy, or other badness
.   Then an 11:45 internist appointment at the Riverside. Good news there, too. I'm being discharged from their care to the cardiologist. D'uh. A1c is now at 7.6 ... baby steps, baby steps. Dr. Chan, as it was him, carefully took me through my cardiac file; as all the tests are inconclusive, it's why I'm being bumped into an invasive procedure. That being said, he explained each of the tests, what they showed, drew me pictures, and was an all round genuine human being.   Feeling much better. :)
 

Well, September's been a long, long delay (I'm still calling it a delay) in this trek to weight loss surgery.   I've been detoured, yet again, with the Heart Institute making sure that I won't die on the operating table if I get the RNY.   (I know, I know, it really is all about the Weight Loss Centre wanting me in the best health possible, with the lowest risk to me (not the lowest risk to their statistics), but damn...

OK, so August 15, cardiac CT scan, has now led, with many combinations and permutations of screwed up paper work and nobody calling me to tell me what was going on to a ... tada!  Cardiac catheterization on September 27.   Whee!  I've moved up to invasive testing now.  Double whee!?   September 27 test was cancelled, and I am now rebooked for October 5.

This timely reminder came from my sister in Alberta, yesterday.

Carrots, Eggs and Coffee

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as if as soon as one problem was solved a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen.

The mother filled three pots with water.

In the first, she placed carrots.
In the second she placed eggs.
And the last she placed ground coffee beans.

She let them sit and boil without saying a word. About twenty minutes later, she turned off the burners.

She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she said, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did, and noted that they felt soft.

She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg inside.

Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, "So, what's the point, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water - but each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid center. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its insides had become hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water...they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter.

"When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this:
Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship, or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my outer shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water - the very circumstances that bring the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor of the bean. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you instead of letting it change you. When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?

How do you handle Adversity?

ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trails to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy. The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

May we all be COFFEE