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Am down 34 lbs after 7 weeks. I guess that's ok. Seems like it should be more though.  Am surprised that I still get hungry at night. Maybe my expectations weren't realistic. I'm not eating anywhere near what I was eating before, but still...Sarah made cookies the other day (why does she do this? My own flesh and blood can be so insensitive) and late last night I went in and ate 3 of them. This was after a late night protein shake. This had to be head hunger but it sure felt like physical hunger. I've thrown away all the bread in the house because a couple times I've broken down and had a piece. Starches bad!

But for the most part, I'm doing well. Exercising a bit more. Am up to 30 min on elliptical trainer at a faster clip and trying to do weight training for another 30 min at least 3 days a week. Just started doing daily stomach crunches.

Took my first post op photo tonight! Didn't think I looked much different til I saw the two side by side. We are getting there! People are starting to notice, which is nice.

Dave and I are going to Montreal at the end of the month.  He hasn't seen me since the surgery. I REALLY would like to lose at least another 10 lbs before then. 19 days...maybe 15?

Saw the Doctor yesterday. Was a little bummed because the scale only went down 2 lbs in a week. I have been sticking to what I'm told to eat in the amounts I'm told to eat AND I've been working out at least 5 times per week.
I was down in the dumps a bit but the nurse reassured me and said the reading on their special magic scale that weighs pounds and % of body fat and % of muscle said I gained 3.5 pounds of muscle. Then the dietician came in and reviewed what I was eating. She was pleased but wanted me to eat a little bit more (2 egg omelet for a meal instead of 1) and told me no more diet chocolate pudding for my snack. She doesn't think that will be filling enough. Oh well..must find other ways to get my chocolate fix in.

But then today the scale showed 2 more lbs lost. Good. Was thinking about not working out which is stupid. Gaining muscle is good I guess..but I wanna see that scale go DOWN not up.

19 lbs gone total so far. Can button things I couldn't button before. Realized that I probably was a size 20 and not the size 18 I was squeezing myself into.  But the 18's feel really comfortable now. Can put on my jeans without laying on the floor and using pliers!

Don't have to go back to doctor for 2 more months now. Am on regular foods now but still no starches to maximize weight loss. Which is fine.  Had a major pizza attack the other night. Chopped 1/2 tomato, added some oregano amd low fat mozzarella, garlic powder and nuked it. Was pretty good and took care of the craving.

Can't believe it's already been a week. Although it seems like I've been eating pureed food forever. Ugh. It's not that it tastes all that bad but it requires advance thought and preparation. Hmm..maybe that's the key to healthy eating instead of just shoveling food into my mouth that is handy.

I have lost 11 lbs!  I am hungrier at night than I hoped to be. Last night I found some chocolate syrup (dang kids!) in the fridge and mixed it with a protein shake and had an extra 3 oz. serving of tuna salad. And here I am, wracked with guilt. Still, didn't need the chocolate syrup but is a big improvement over the 3 or 4 slices of pizza I would have had pre op.
Am trying not to be so hard on myself.

I have also been exercising. It's easy to find the time when I'm home from work. Will have to develop a plan to keep it up after I return which should be next week.  I've managed about 20 minutes on elliptical trainer and most days also do a 20 minute walk and maybe 10 minutes of weights-the 3 lb. baby weights or the resistance straps.

My problems with weightloss have been with late night eating over the past several years. I juxt get into this mindless zombie state (particularly if I take an ambien) and then just will go eat whatever I can.

Last night, against my better judgement, I took an ambien and of course, I got hungry. I tried a diet jello but that didn't really work. So I figured I'd have a protein shake. I guess I must have drunk it too fast because I sent some of it right back up.

So does this mean an end to late night binging?

Weighed myself for the first time today-8 lbs since surgery. 5 days ago.
Not a bad start.

2nd day home from the hospital after my sleeve. I am truly amazed at how easy this recovery has been so far.

The surgery took a little longer than usual because he had to cut through a lot of scar tissue from previous surgeries but he was able to do it laparoscipally, thank goodness!

The only problem I had was some minor nausea-and when I told the nurse they put some medicine in my IV and that took care of it.  Other than that-nothing..barely any pain or anything. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I can't believe I was so terrified and this has been so easy so far.

I walked around the hallways a bit about 2 hours after surgery and at 3 am the nurse found me in my room giving myself a sponge bath cause I felt kind of icky. He said "My, this is unusual...I can't believe you are up to this already".

After two days of liquids today is first day of pureed foods. Not as disgusting as I'd feared. Had pureed egg salad for breakfast and pureed mango, pureed tuna salad for lunch with carrots pureed with light creme cheese. For dinner I pureed a chicken breast with some light miracle whip and pureed blueberry.  Have to eat very slowly and remember not to drink anything with the meal.  I will weigh myself after a week and see if there are any results yet.

So who else would bring their laptop to hospital with them?
Surgery about an hour away. Iv hooked up..coming in to do blood gasses...that is going to hurt. 
am reading more encouraging posts and reassuring facts about this surgery. so having this here is keeping me from dwelling on it.

Had to stop by cafeteria to pick up the $15 they found they owed me for my cheese sandwich (see previous post). Surgeon was in there and had a conniption to see me pre op in cafeteria. oops..he's ere now.

Well I took my "before" picture today. That has helped with the last minute doubts I am having. Sheesh..how did I get so big??? Well I know how, I guess...

I am a nervous wreck. Wasted last meal today (only clear liquids after4pm) with...*drum roll*
A cold "chicken Mcsnacker" and small fry that a coworker brought me cause it was soo busy at work today-trying to tie up loose ends before I go off on medical leave-that I didn't have time to eat anything "good".
What a memorable last meal. Oh well..last night dinner made up for it.

Clear liquids...had 1 cup chicken broth (smells like old socks, frankly) and a sugar free popsicle. Can have some sugar free jello. Then nothing by mouth (no water even!) after midnight. And surgery not til 3:30 tomorrow afternoon. I am going to be very thirsty.
Hmmm..vodka is a clear liquid....thanks Mattman!

Oddly, I'm terrified about the nausea and the "dry heaves" I keep hearing about. With all my surgeries I have had some major pain..that part isn't so scary. Maybe it's the idea of being in major pain and throwing up nothing.

My son came to me tonight and said "Mom, I'm not ready to bury you".
Geez..all this optimism is not helping.
Why am I doing this again? 
(looks at before picture) 
Oh yeah...

Had my last supper...Chris got burgers from "filling station". God, it was sooo good. guess that was the last one though. Wonder how it would taste run through a food processor? ugh.

No food after 4 pm tomorow..then just liquids until midnight.
They called from Dr. Marema's today and confirmed everything. Apparently psych clearance came through. They must have decided I'm not a total lunatic-or at least by having me sign the commitment they don't have any liability if I go nuts and hijack a doughnut truck.
I do want to follow up with my original idea of going for some therapy once I'm up and about. I've read quite a few posts on this site where those that are at goal still battle depression-all your problems evidently don'g to away with the weight. Still, I think feeling better about myself will give me one less thing to be upset about. Definitely need to learn some better ways to cope with stress than eating. Had to quit smoking cigarettes for this damn surgery (ok..cheated today and bummed a couple) and don't want to discover alcoholism as my new cure all.
The meditation group I joined a couple months ago is helpful-very calming and centering.  Maybe I should plan on doing a lot of meditating. Or maybe take up kick boxing. 

Ok.,note to self:

Self, when considering life changing surgery,  use your time to research helpful information, not reading the memorial pages and sending yourself into a tizzy.

Mother's Day-My son has accepted my decision. My daughter still wants me to reconsider. My boss-who had it done last year tells me not to be afraid. My best friend still isn't speaking to me.

When making this decision, I felt that I had done all the proper research and was going to do this for all the right reasons. Furthermore, I had prayed that if I was not supposed to have this, let something happen to prevent me. I am wondering if I am getting that sign.

To start with, after being cleared (I thought) for my psych evaluation last week, I received the call from the psychologist on voice mail last night (too late to return the call) that I must sign a document agreeing to get counseling  after the surgery in order for her to clear me with Dr. Marema's office. This is after I'm all scheduled and everything. There is no way to reach her or to go by her office to sign this and expedite it as she is out of the office for the rest of the week. This was shocking an humiliating. Did she forget that during our meeting, I was the one that asked about getting additional counseling to make sure I learn better ways to cope with stress than pizza? She did not bring this up-I did! So now it's a condition? What the hell?

With no way to question or confirm, I just showed up at Dr. Marema's at the hospital to do my pre appt. with the Dr.-which went well-and then to go get my chest xray and bloodwork. This turned out to be event from hell.

I waited 45 minutes for my turn to get my blood taken and the tech looked at the form and said the proper boxes weren't checked and that she couldn't help me. I asked if we could call Dr. Marema's office (right on next floor) but of course not. So back upstairs I trudge. Got the paperwork back upstairs and they corrected the paperwork and then told me the scheduling nurse had to speak with me. Jennifer looked at me accusingly.."I thought you said Dr. Ferguson cleared you"-we have to take you off the schedule til we have clearance." I was so embarrassed and wondered "Lord, do they think I'm a psycho? Do they worry that I'll have the surgery and then go on a wild rampage?". There were other staff members in the room who politely averted their eyes and pretended not to be paying attention. I explained that I was waiting for a document from Dr. Ferguson and that I'd like to keep my scheduled date as all my work leave was planned around this date not to mention the fact that it is the last date Dr. Marema will be doing the surgery before opening his new practice in St. Augustine.  She refused until she has this paper and seemed pretty ticked off, feeling that I had been deceptive about my clearance status. This was so humiliating.
Went down and got my bloodwork-by the time I got upstairs for my exercise/physiology class, there were at least 25 people ahead of me for the same appointment. They told me I could take this class after the surgery and it was mid afternoon, I was upset, starving (I had been fasting) and just wanted to get out of there. So I took off.
First I stopped at the hospital cafeteria and got a sandwich. The bill was $5.33 and I gave her a $20 bill and 33 cents in change. She put the money in the drawer and then closed it. She looked at me, like "why are you still standing here?". I explained I hadn't gotten my change. She swore she gave it to me. I went through my purse, pockets..everywhere..just in case I was losing my mind and forgot (this whole psych clearance has me questioning my sanity) and I did not have $15. Of course the person that is authorized to count the money in the cash register was not available so they took my number and said they would call me if the register turned out to have $15 extra in it.
This is of course assuming that no one takes the extra $15 out of it.
Whatever. So I paid $20.33 for a cheese and tomato sandwich. 

I don't know..is this some sort of sign from God or the universe?

I'm home now-got the form from Dr. Ferguson and signed it and put it back in the mailbox along with a letter (a polite one, though it took some effort) stating that I sure wish she had let me know earlier so that I could have gotten this taken care of before so as to get my dates confirmed. Hopefully she will get it in time to call the doctor to clear me.
Who knows? So..maybe I'm having surgery next Wednesday. Maybe not.

All this concern about clearance did not keep them from collecting $16,595 for my surgical and hospital fees though. Guess they'll refund it if necessary. I am not counting on the $20.33 back though.

All in all, today sucked. I think I need a nap. At least I have not gone to eat a doughnut or anything.