First of all, I want to send my condolences to Angel's family. What tragically sad news. I am so sorry for her husband and children.
Secondly, Angel's death hit way too close to home. I read her profile and I am only one year older then her and have 3 kids as well. She was fairly close to my body weight...and I am terrified that something like this will happen to me and I will leave my kids without a mom and my husband without a wife....YET...on the other hand, if I DON'T have this surgery...who knows when a heart attack or diabetes will find me!
I guess that my MORBIDITY has finally gotten a hold of me. I know this is probably normal feeling this way 4 days pre-op. I have been cleared physically for surgery, going through all the pre-surgical tests. I don't even think that it is the surgery that is worrying me, as the dangers after surgery...{blood clots and leakage.}
Up until yesterday I haven't had a chance to really think how much this surgery will change my life and the life of the people who love me. I have been so busy with pre-op testing, work and my children, that I have just been "rolling" with it. Today, I am terrified!!! Terrified of the journey ahead of me! Terrified of surgery, terrified of recovery, terrified of loosing weight so rapidly, terrified of a new body, terrified of people's reactions to me, terrified of the unknown. I have NEVER been fit and thin. I don't know how it will feel.
Please help me get through this! I want this surgery so badly! I want to get healthy and run around with my boys! I want to see them grown into men! Please tell me this feeling of paranoia will pass!