Hi Tanya. I have NEWS!! Someone has stolen my brain and planted it in your head. I, too, had all of your questions, self-doubts and recriminations before my surgery. I think most of us here have had them, too. What you are going through now is NORMAL, believe it or not! Have faith that God will bring you through this safely and He will. For each complication and death (like Wanda Smart, Carla Rosen, Debra Howen) that we read about, there are thousands, yes thousands of us who have had the surgery safely and successfully. I know it's hard, but don't focus on the negative. THINK POSITIVE! What you think is what you get! Read my profile--I am a single parent and took a big leap of faith having this surgery! And it's been terrific. And it will be terrific for you, too. KEEP THE FAITH and e-mail me if you need to talk some more!