Worrying about judgement re: Plastic surgery

Very good points Marie.
I suppose I am not being honest about my journey. I haven't developed a narrative to explain or tell the story of my weight gain and loss. And I am not happy with myself for having gained the weight I suppose -- not a strong point I think.  I don't like having to go over the difficulties in my life -- dwelling on stressful or hard events -- with someone new.  
For me the weight gain coincided with my first child being ill and not sleeping a full night for over 2 years-- I had a new born schedule for that long.  Then stress with his illness and subsequently the issues of learning disabilities and then disintegration of a long-lasting marriage. But that doesn't explain it wholly does it? What does? Nothing really. 
What have you found when you discuss this?

Sometimes in life you have to do for YOU and be damned what other people think or judge.  I have but ONE judge and He ain't here on earth.

I have also been told and have found that men gravitate to how YOU feel about yourself.  Like the other person posted she found a man who didn't care and that RIGHT man won't care.

Love yourself and others will love you right back =)

Ms Shell

You have gotten some great words of wisdom, I am sure I am just reiterating.  For me, it was hard to come to terms that, as someone else said, my addiction "ruined" my body.  Once I lost the weight, I was even harder on myself.  During the first 2/3 of my reconstruction (1 more to go in June), I was even harder on myself.  Not only did I get fat, now I had to shell out thousands of dollars just to be "normal" again.  Then I had to get over the shyness with my scars.  I knew they are there, and I didnt want other people looking at them (mostly arms..the others are generally covered by clothes).  But now..I dont care what others think.  I am happy with who I am becomming in this new body and if other people want to raise questions about my boobs (yes they're fake and fabulous!) or my new little waist..they can.  I am trying to live for me.  As for explaining those scars to men.  Well, I would be honest.  I would think that if you were showing your body to a guy, you would know him well enough that he knows your past.  Either he can deal with it or he can't.  You wont be able to control it, so if some leave...it wasnt meant to be.  There is someone out there who will love you scars and all!  Good luck!

April

 

Hi Vividjen,

I totally understand what you are going through.  I am trying to live a "normal" life post WLS, but the ability to play with the loose skin on my tummy like its silly putty or stretch armstrong is not normal.  I have had a few negative reactions from close friends but I am sticking to my guns and telling them that they just don't understand because they are not in my shoes and I am happy to get naked for them and show them my 90 year old body if they need proof.  I would also like to someday be able to get naked with a nice man and not gross him out when the clothes come off.  Somehow I think he would rather see the scars!  I think its hard for other people because all they see is that I look good in my clothes.  They don't understand how important it is for my mental health to have the ability to take those clothes off!  And not just because I want to date but for my own sake, I have to look at myself in the mirror after showers just like everyone else!  Anyway, rant away, I am listening and agreeing with you :)  Robin

My boyfriend loved me when I was fat, and loves me when I'm skinny... but - he didn't care about whether I had the tummy tuck or not. I did it for myself, but now he admits (with scars) he's glad I did it - but mostly because of my own increased self-image.  He knows I want to get my LBL and BL/BA done,  but he's saying its up to me.

We had broke up for awhile and I wondered the same thing - what about the saggy tummy and baggy legs and tube sock boobs?  Guys fantasize what you look like without clothes, and I was worried about disappointing.  How do you explain scars?  Well... just tell the truth.  I dated a few guys I told I had a TT and why - and they were supportive.  yes, they didn't see the work, but....

You need to do what's right for you.  Don't worry about the rest - its not their bodies and they're not the ones living with the extra skin.  The right guy won't care.

I just started dating and I am 2 years post open wls, and 6 months post LBL (anchor cut)/Hernia repair. I started dating a guy and things went well. We had about 8-9 dates before I told him about the WLS/Plastics. I had to tell him about plastics 1) because I have a circumferential scar and I was having my second round of plastics in 6 weeks.

We had been making out up until that point and I though he may have felt the scars on my stomach, but he didn't really. My skin obviously feels different and he just though I had lost some weight. He was fine with all the surgery, he handled it really well. Things have progressed since and he's been fine with all the scars. He has not made me feel as though they bother him, his reply is just that they are "part of you". So if things do not work out, at least I know what kind of reaction I am looking for before things move forward. I no longer see it a a big deal because this experience went well. Any guy that can't handle it is not someone I want to be with anyway.

I am having brachio, lift and implants in 2 weeks. That will mean more scars. But I am doing it for me, because I want to feel comfortable wearing short sleeves again. I'd rather have the scar then the elephant skin. I would rather have a nice rack then the zero breast tissue I have now. The plastics are for me, and I have earned them.

Love your attitude **** 'em if they can't take a joke.
You live with yourself daily, you look in the mirror daily.  You must be proud of who you are...to walk down the street with confidence.  You GO GIRL!
You deserve the best!