saggy -stretched skin

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So I finally got through the rain so to speak , got down to a size 4, exercise like mad- now working on strength training in attempts to tighten up my loose saggy tummy and arms if that can ever happen.

Come to find out my spouse who is overweight tells me my stomach looks likea burn victim and all the sags, marks etc are just too much.

He goes on to point out my arms , and veins in my hands are poping out and seems to be highly critical of me.

my plan was to get the tummy tuck providing I can manage to cover the cost - but then I thought why? When I was really heavy he said, if you just lose the weight.......blah, blah, blah....so I have, now it is this.

I really don't know what to think- in clothes I look good without my tummy has some extra fat that I am trying to work On.

not sure what to think. maybe I am being too sensitive here? I was ready to thow in the towel because I told him I need someone to love me as I am- and I don't need a shallow hal. Especially when he is over weight but yet I would not tell him he is unattractive.

Playing with the self esteem side of things with your spouse is cruel I think.

Sounds like darned if you do, darned if you don't. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. Is there any chance that your spouse is simply jealous of your weight loss? It seems a cruel thing to me that a significant person in your life would complain that you needed to lose weight, and then criticize your success, when you do. Perhaps some perspective would be prudent; it would be interesting to know the answer your spouse would provide to the question of, "Do you think I should put the weight back on?" Unless he says "Yes", the obvious follow-up question is, "Then why are you being so negative about how I look, now that I've lost the weight?" Be prepared to just forgive and move-on. As Chuck Swindoll has said, "Life is only 10% about what people say and do to you, and 90% about how you react to it". Unless he's handing you a fist full of money, he has no business renting space in your head.

All the best.

Isn't it interesting how the people who are supposed to provide their love and support are sometimes the one's who hurt us the most. A BURN VICTIM? That is really harsh, and very hurtful. Why is he pointing out your physical imperfections?

Sounds like he's trying to tear you down to make himself feel better. After all, you've accomplished something incredible and worked hard to get there. He has not done what you can do, it may be hard for him to face that he is not as strong as you are.

Is he insecure about your relationship? Does he think that by poking holes in your self esteem you will think yourself unattractive and unworthy of attention and respect, thereby keeping you at his side. Is he right?

Does he ever compliment you on the good things you've accomplished? I'm sure you are beautiful in and out of clothes, but more important, you are healthy! You can dance, run, skip, probably do cartwheels around him, so don't you dare let him make you feel less then what you are. Which is AWESOME! A size 4... OMG you are my inspiration.

I hope you are able to have a frank discussion with your man to tell him how hurtful and disrespectful he is being to you. If he is able to acknowledge he's done wrong and change his behavior, then maybe's he's worth sticking with. If not, well the towel.. you know where it is.

It sounds like your spouse is a complete and total ass. In the end, you have two choices with ass. You can kiss it or you can kick it.

He is a verbally abusive to you. He probably has low self esteem himself and putting you down may be a way to control you. When enough is enough?

IMO - You need canceling, so you can stand for yourself. Maybe he can change ...but he would have to want that. Don'tput up with this. You deserve better.

This is going to be harsh...but your hsuband is a complete dickhead! You're never going to be "good enough" for him. You've got way, way bigger issues to figure out than whether or not you want plastics in your future.

What your spouse is doing isn't just cruel....it's absolutely intolerable and unforgivable. He has clearly shown you who he is and what he values - that's never going to change.

Don't hold out hope that exercise is going to tighten up loose, saggy skin. It will not - I promise you that. The most you can hope for is to build a bit of muscle but it's not going to fill out all the excess skin. The only way to get rid of it is to cut it off. Even cutting off the excess skin doesn't get rid of the stretch marks and scars - you'll still have those.

Whatever you decide, don't do it for him - do it for YOU! Read my article on loving yourself...

http://www.obesityhelp.com/articles/the-hardest-lesson-of-my -life-loving-myself

good grief! You have already received good advise in previous posts but just wanted to give you virtual support as well. You are not being too sensitive.

WOW! Very hurtful!

I had/have opposite problem. My husband never complained about my weight...even at my top weight of 350. I lost alot pre-op & had to keep asking him if I looked slimmer, better, etc.

I came to realize my weight was truly not an issue for him...he loves ME. Fat or slim.

Sounds like your hubby is insecure now that you have lost the weight. Might want to look into counseling because he is out of line in how he is handling himself.

Good luck..

You've done an awesome job...

Being angry with your spouse for being emotionally abusive is an important step toward changing that dynamic. In my experience, abusive people become very agitated when the people whom they enjoy abusing gain any self confidence whatsoever.

It sounds like counseling would be a very good idea. For you, for your spouse, for you both.

Everyone deserves to be physically and emotionally safe in their home. You deserve to be happy.