Question:
I need some advice guys and girls about dating
Ok, this might get a little long...I have been divorced about a year and a half. I decided to contact an old flame recently (about 4 weeks ago). I sent a letter to him not expecting a response. He did respond not once but eight times. In one of his responses he did invite me out with him, but we never set a time or place, although in other e-mails he did make reference to us meeting. I asked him to call me. In his last e-mail to me (which was on 10/14/00) he said that he preferred not to call me "at this time" because he wanted our first "face-to-face meeting to be a special event". But I have not heard from him since. I am in a quandry....I want to see him, I know he is busy, but how long should a girl wait before giving up? I have not dated in quit some time and am unsure what to do at this point. My last e-mail was on 10/27/00, I let him know that I still would like to see him, and I wondered if something was wrong...Help! — twenc (posted on November 1, 2000)
October 31, 2000
Sounds to me that he is putting you off. Are you sure he isn't involved
with someone right now? Remember why you broke up in the first place. Are
you post op? If he really wanted to see you as much as he says, he would
have by now. If I was contacted by someone from my past and I wanted to see
them I wouldn't wait a month or better to set up arrangements. If you are
post op and you are really wanting him to see the "new you" just
be prepared to deal with the feelings that may come after the
"newness" of his excitment wears off. I had a boyfriend that
used me once and then dumped me after he had his fun. He actually told me I
was too fat to have a serious relationship with. I hope that is not the
case for you. Just tread carefully and take it slow if you still meet up
with him. I would be very suspicious if I were in your shoes. Good luck.
— Tonia B.
November 1, 2000
I would tell him that you want his number at home so that you can contact
him. If he does not want you to call him at his home be aware that he is
most likely married. Why start over with someone that you probably had
some problems with already. If you are post op and feeling good go out and
meet new people. Someone that will respect and want you as much as you
want them. Good luck.
— michelle M.
November 1, 2000
Sounds a little strange to me! ... You cannot be to careful these
days .... I would be VERY leary with a response like that ... how well
did you know this guy and how long ago?? My personal opinion is let the
flame go out and move on with someone new in your new life ... if you
choose to meet him, I would do it in a very public place. Good Luck
and God Bless!! Donna
— Donna H.
November 1, 2000
Do you think he is involved with someone that is why he wont call or give
you the number? Maybe he is still married or has a girlfriend? I dont meen
to be a dream killer but this only meeting thing and no phone sounds fishy
— Lisa W.
November 1, 2000
This was a fair question to whomever posted anonymously before. If you
read her bio you would know that she is post op. Obesity problems are more
than just what the scales tell you or health problems. They also are about
emotional problems esspecially after surgery when your body changes but
your mind and self esteem may be the same at a low point. It is good to
look at differant questions and not just how much you should eat or how
much protein you should have or plateus.
— [Anonymous]
November 1, 2000
I would not contact him again. He knows your number. Somethings up and
he's not telling you everything. Cool it! There are plenty of fish in the
sea.
— Cindy H.
November 1, 2000
Toni, throw this fish back into the sea and start again with some new bait
(namely the new you)! It does sound a bit fishy to me. I would be nervous
about meeting someone and not being able to talk to him on the phone. It
sounds to me like he's hiding something. If you do meet, be sure it's in a
busy public place - if he's trying to hide a current relationship, he may
not want to meet in a busy place. And if that's the case, don't walk - run
like the plague. And do NOT get alone with him in a car until you know
what's going on. Meet him at the place you've agreed to. I applaud you
for reaching out to meet someone and move forward in life - from both your
obesity and divorce. But don't feel like you have to accept the first fish
that comes along. Remember, it's the act of getting yourself out there -
feeling confident and good about yourself - that's the most important
thing. Even if the first 10 dates are duds, at least you can say you made
the effort and that you weren't afraid of making the effort. As for the
anonymous poster, I concur with Terri. Social behavior and experience is
very much a part of WLS and the changes that occur as a result of WLS.
Many of us (myself included) have little dating experience, and it's
directly related to our weight - all for a number of reasons. And yes I
know not everyone has this issue, but that doesn't mean we can't lend
support to those who do. Hang in there, girl! You will find someone
special who respects and loves you. Just be patient!
— Paula G.
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