Question:
Do I say anything to my husband who has gained wght since my surgery?
My husband has put on about 15 pounds since my surgery. I don't have a problem with it but his jeans are getting too tight and we just can't afford to buy new ones. We did that 6 months ago. I told him it was time to diet. I don't want him to have the problems I have had. He tends to eat junk at work and drink alot of cokes. I have told him to cut that out, but he has not listened. Help! Has anyone else had this problem? — peggyp (posted on August 21, 2003)
August 21, 2003
So, when you were gaining weight and creeping up in sizes, did it work for
you for someone to tell you to lose weight? It didn't for me. I don't
think having this surgery gives me the right to tell people what to do with
their health. Jeans can be found for a buck at the thrift stores...sorry
to be so blunt
— Susan F.
August 21, 2003
Hi Peggy. As post-ops we become more aware of the eating habits of those
around us. We need to be careful about how critical we are with those close
to us who are still obese or have bad eating habits. Remember that our
eating habits did not change without surgery and it is doubtful that our
loved one's will change on their own eaither. My husband is eating more
junk since I had my surgery and it concerns me because he is morbidly
obese, barrle chested, over 45 and this places him in the high risk
category for heart attacks. It may be better to open a dialogue with him as
to why this is happening. In my case I think (based on what we have
discussed) that my husband is becoming concerned that when I am thin I will
not want him anymore. I have tried to assure him that I am concerned about
his health but that I will love him whether he is fat or skinny. In the
last month he has lost 10lbs on his own and I give him as much
encouragement as I can without being critical.
— M B.
August 21, 2003
My husband is a health nut and is at an ideal weight. He always has been,
while I was stuffing my face he was working out (2hours a day mind you) He
never once asked me to go on a diet or to stop gaining because we can't buy
new clothes. If you are concerned about him becoming the way you were then
talk to him about it with an open heart and an open mind. See if he wants
to walk with you are do some kind of activity together. Also if you are the
one buying the food you could always just not buy the sodas and junk food.
Buy diet things and you could tell him that it is hard for you not to want
those things while he is constantly eating them...I dunno if any of this
will help but good luck!!!
— Sabrina Plunkett
August 21, 2003
To the last poster, I agree with what you said to a point, but as far as
jeans being bought for "a buck" at a thrift store, people who are
obese, or even just overweight usually can not shop at regular stores. I am
going through the same thing with my husband, he has nearly
"grown" out of being able to shop at Wal-Mart or similar places
which means we will have to shop at more expensive specialty shops, not to
mention how bad it is for his health.
My advice: I would tell him you love him, no matter what, but that YOU are
fighting an addiction to food and you need his help and that means he needs
to stay away from some stuff too, for YOU. But I do agree that yelling at
someone to lose weight NEVER works and in fact makes matters worse.
— Erinn D.
August 21, 2003
I have not been able to find size 54 waist 30 inseam jeans for $1... I'd
love to... anyway my husband went from a 46 to a 60 waist and back to a 54
waist all in a year... he eats a lot of what I don't eat. We went out last
night and I ate a quarter of the club, he ate his plus 1/2 of mine, my son
ate a quarter as well... anyway he;s up and down and up and down just like
I was. He's been put on blood pressure meds... I too don't know what to
say... when I have expressed concern I notice he tends to begin to put on
more. I just try to make wiser purchases (as far as keeping the bad stuff
out of the house) but I don't know what to say... I do want you to know you
are not alone in this... clothes are expensive, and so are the pills and
what if he passed away... I hate to think what my boys and I would do
without him. They need their daddy. Even now he can't even get out there
and play he's so tired and his knees and back ache... I could go on for
hours... feel free to email if you wish...
— MF
August 21, 2003
My husband eats every bit of junk food known to humankind all day, every
day. In the past couple of years he's put on some weight but is not yet
overweight. Jeans are tight but he just goes up in size. Maybe we're
different than other couples but he just loved me no matter what size I was
and I love him no matter size he is. We support each other and we never
try to control each other. He will never "eat right" if he lives
to be a million. He never has and he never will and he has no health
problems so he doesn't see why he should (the man has never had a cavity in
his life). I had clothes in my closet before surgery from size 6 to size
20. He has maybe 3 sizes and he has about 1/8 the amount of clothes I
have. His clothes shopping will never break the bank. I think that if
you're seriously concerned about the money, you need to address that but
maybe there's something else going on and you're having some kind of
reaction to him or he's having some kind of subconscious reaction to your
surgery. I don't know. It sounds like more is going on than just clothes.
Maybe you two just need to sit down and talk and see what comes out of
that conversation.
— susanje
August 21, 2003
The journey into and out of obesity (or overweight)is a very personal
thing. My husband NEVER said one word to me about my weight as it bounced
back and forth between 170 and 250. If I brought it up and I wanted to
talk about it he would listen and respond but always with respect and
tenderness. He really was the only person on earth, besides our kids, who
never made me feel self conscious about my weight. In the last couple of
years my husband has put on about 15 or so pounds. It's all gone right to
his tummy. He jokes that his pants are "shrinking". We've had
to spend some money to buy new clothes for him. However, I wouldn't
begrudge him those clothes for anything in the world. I have NEVER
mentioned his weight gain and we only discuss it when he brings it up and
the only comments I have are ones of support. He deserves this because
it's what he gave me when I was overweight. I would take a second job to
buy his clothes before I would say anything to him about his weight.
Emotionally I owe him more than I could ever repay. I love him more every
day - regardless of what he weighs and what it costs me to clothe him.
— ronascott
August 21, 2003
Do you diet when people told you to eat right? I suspect you got ticked,
like most of us would have. Just like your decision to have WLS only he
can decide if he wants to lose weight. I'm guessing you spend way less on
food since surgery so can't some of that go to buy him a couple new pairs
of jeans. Did he complain when you used the money for food. I'm not
trying to be mean, just put a different spin/perspective on the situation.
<p>Encourage hubby by making heathly dinners, packing a lunch with
healthy leftovers and find some reasonably healthy snacks and send them to
work. Understand that he did not have WLS and he needs more food etc., so
help him find some better things he likes.
— zoedogcbr
August 21, 2003
Everyone in my house gained weight in the first few months after my
surgery. I was not cooking and we were doing a lot of take out. It has
gotten back to normal and they are eating more heathfully than ever now and
my husband has lost 17 pounds and the kids are slimming down too. I would
see if he wants to go for a walk with you and maybe you can have dinner
ready when he gets home so that he is eating a little more healthy. If you
just tell him that it is you that needs the help and not that he is fat it
could work. Also I pack my husbands meals for work and I put so much
healthy stuff in there that there is no room for the crap. I do give him
treats but I make better choices than he would. It is, to me, like putting
a kid on a diet, so it is not really a diet so much as healthier choices. I
also got my die hard Pepsi drinker to switch to Pepsi One and he actually
drinks it if I am sure to keep it in the house. I am sure he would feel
better to lose the extra pounds. What does he say about it? I am sure he
would not be offended by genuine concern for his health. Good Luck!
— Carol S.
August 21, 2003
Thank you all for your comments. I just want to make it clear that it is
not that I am so worried about the buying of new clothes, but he has made
comments about his weight gain and HT runs in his family. He is not obese
by any means. I just want my family to be healthy and have a healthy
lifestyle. I want my family to go through this journey and participate in
it with me.
— peggyp
August 23, 2003
I know what you mean, my husb is gaining too and I am scared for him. I had
this surgery to have a long healthy life and I don't want to spend it
alone. I want him to be healthy with me so we can have the fun we deserve.
I can't say anything to him esp. since he doesn't even admit I was over
weight before surgery. I just love him so much and want him to be ok. all I
can do is make good healthy stuff for him and hope for the best. He has
been doing Atkins with minimal success, gaining more if any thing.
— **willow**
August 25, 2003
I am very glad you came back to tell us that cost wasn't an issue. As Very
Large People we spend beaucoup bucks trying to hide our bodies or to
camoflauge our weight. What I spent on clothing patterns which I would
then "alter" for my size--not to mention the fabric--would shock
the hell out of you. I'm guessing a lot of us spent a lot of money. So
definitely, do not let the cost of a pair of jeans become the lightening
rod for his weight gain. Did he treat you well when you were at your
heaviest? If yes, cut him some loving slack. If not...treat him as you
wish he would have treated you.
— Deborah M.
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