Question:
Ok I'm hearing from all women here, what about the men?
It's the same for us guys that have lost lots of weight, but we are in a different place them the ladies being that we are the ones that have to do all the chasing after women and believe me we were ignored when we were overweight just as much as you ladies were, and the ladies were not nice about it!! — Rod T. (posted on March 20, 2005)
March 20, 2005
True. But society is still tougher on overweight women than men. I know.
Been there. Done that. We do have it alittle easier than the ladies when it
comes to being discriminated against for our weight. :)
— Danmark
March 20, 2005
I'm of the female persuasion myself, but am married to a male type. He
also had WLS in 1995. He never saw himself large, actually. To him, he's
the same size as he always was. Not sure how he missed those 110#, but he
did and didn't panic when he started on the regain. That was unfamiliar to
him. Of course, he turned off the sugar and that was the end of that and he
was right back down. He does have an online group, but it's just a group
where I am not, so he doesn't have to be "Mr. Vitalady", if you
know what I mean. There is a group specifically for men, but I don't think
it's very active. I don't have the link, but one of the boys here will
have it, I think. Steve P? Jack N? Bob H? Men of WLS, I think it's
called? Women TALK about issues, men need to SOLVE them. That's just how
we're wired. For any post-of of any age or gender, I still recommend the
Grad list where we do have both men/women. It was founded by a man,
acutally. You have to be 1+ yrs out to post, but at least you can be in
touch with other men. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Graduate-OSSG
— vitalady
March 20, 2005
Hi. I'm a woman, but I just wanted to say...I don't know where these
"ladies" are you refer to, but perhaps you need to look elsewhere
to find a true lady. I can assure you that whether I was 302 pounds or 148
pounds, I have dated men based on their personality and ability to be a
gentleman, whether they were over 300 pounds or under 150 pounds. There are
some good women out there, so don't give up. You just need to connect with
the right one. Best wishes for health and happiness always!
— Donna F.
March 20, 2005
As a female who has gone thru the surgery and is single, when I was heavy
and looking for Mr Right He who was heavy too wouldn't even look my way.
Maybe the places your looking are not the right places....Good Luck
— slpyeyed
March 20, 2005
Looking back at near a lifetime of being single its tough. I am happily
married but if I were single today I would check out local support groups
for another WLS person. Who best to understand what its like being heavy?
Its a wonderful thing to have in common. Theres also a singles message
board here, someone menmtioned it awhile ago.
— bob-haller
March 21, 2005
actually, I believe men have it easier then women its more acceptable for a
man to be over weight then a woman go figure that one out since we are the
ones having babys...There are a lot of women who will look past the weight
and see a person for who they are vs a man who will look for the
measurments first. And this is not for all men because there are good ones
out there that do not care for all that but for the majority that is how it
is...And as one of the prev posters stated why not look in the same play
ground as you ok so i worded it differently but like someone from this site
or someone who has lost weight through wls or on their own. Anyways it
takes time and I am sure there is someone out there for you and for the
record not all men do the chasing ... good luck
— Deanna Wise
March 22, 2005
Hi, Rod! Sorry, another woman's opinion here! I will be honest and tell
you that even when I was heavy, I was not attracted to heavy men! That's
probably why I didn't have a lot of dates then - LOL! In my mind, I would
tell myself that I should go ahead and give everyone an equal chance, but I
just couldn't get past the fat, and I'm sorry that's true for me, but it
just is. It did help me to understand why many men that I might have liked
to date were not interested in me because I was heavy. Apparently they
could not see past my fat, as well. I did meet my husband when I was still
fat (he's thin), and I was blown away by the fact that he thought I was
sexy regardless of my size. I am sorry that I could not re-wire my brain
to see heavy men that way, too. My husband is not a "chubby
chaser" either - he's very happy that I have lost 110 pounds, both for
my improved health and for how I now look. We both agree that our sex life
has soared to new heights since my losing the weight. I do also understand
about "chasing" men, because I did a lot of it unsuccessfully
during my heavy (and increasingly desperate) years. BTW, hubby and I met
through a personals ad service (prior to the explosion of internet dating).
Both of us were happy about the experience of using the personals, and we
both met some very nice people that way. I would assume, that with careful
consideration and safety in mind, the internet dating experience could be
very satisfying as well.
— Carlita
March 24, 2005
here's some more of the same. When i was fat even fat guys wouldn't give me
the time of day. Oh sure they'd be friends but that was it. They were fat
but thought they should get the 120lb beautiful blond girl and couldn't
understand why she didn't want to go with them. I met my husband over the
internet - we are a couple of the new millenium! Then you can get to know
someone with out looks being involved. There are a lot fish in the sea - go
for the rejection ratio. For every - say - 10 women you ask out maybe one
will say yes. So each time you get a no you can be happy because it will be
that much closer to a yes! Just don't give up and widen yourparadigms about
who you will ask out too. Good luck.
— catleth
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