Question:
I'm pre-op, have any of your friends tried to talk you out of surgery?
Some of my friends and family who do not want me to get the WLS have been telling me 'horror' stories of unsuccessful surgeries. I know that they don't have all the facts and the stories are unsubstantiated but it really gives me second thoughts. Any words of wisdom? — Kellie D. (posted on January 19, 2004)
January 19, 2004
My best friend since the 1970s did his very best to try and scare me out of
it. Glad I noted his concern but did what was best for ME! He now advocates
WLS for his MO daughter who I used to date. I guess watching me shrink
really helped change his mind:)<P> Some may be worried for your
safety, others may fear a thn you may no longer hang out with them. The
last group may be MO themselves and fear WLS so much and be afraid they may
be dragged into it somehow.
— bob-haller
January 19, 2004
My best friend since the 1970s did his very best to try and scare me out of
it. Glad I noted his concern but did what was best for ME! He now advocates
WLS for his MO daughter who I used to date. I guess watching me shrink
really helped change his mind:)<P> Some may be worried for your
safety, others may fear a thn you may no longer hang out with them. The
last group may be MO themselves and fear WLS so much and be afraid they may
be dragged into it somehow.
— bob-haller
January 19, 2004
Hi Kellie,
It's true - some people do have complications, some even die. It's
important to go into it knowing the risks. Of course, this is major
surgery, and must not be done on whim! This is for the rest of your life.
That being said, it helps if you can hook your loved ones up with real live
post-ops who are willing to meet them and answer their questions. Do you
have a local support group that you can bring support people with you to?
Or maybe there's a post-op in your area who would agree to get together for
lunch or coffee or something. I love doing this sort of thing!
I ended up writing a letter to my friends and family that laid out the whys
and wherefors and told them the details of my surgery, and invited them to
give me feedback. All of it has been positive. Here's a link to my page
if you'd like to read it:
http://www.duodenalswitch.com/Patients/Dina/dina.html
Blessings,
dina
— Dina McBride
January 19, 2004
Hi Kellie: My best friend scared the heck out of me.....she was against it
almost to the time I went in...even in the hospital she said you know you
can still change your mind.......best decision I ever made.....and now
guess who wants the surgery...my best friend...of course there are risks
with the surgery, but then there are risks staying as large as we are or
where. I would do it again in a heartbeat....down 107 lbs. in almost 7
months and I FEEL GREAT!!!!
— jane O.
January 19, 2004
Kelly, I had co-workers give me a hard time about the surgery. They told
me all the horror stories, too. If you have done your research and know in
your heart that WLS is for you, than you have to let them have their
opinions and go ahead with it anyway. You and only you can make the
decision if surgery is for you. I didn't waste time arguing with them or
defending my decision. I'm proving them wrong! Yes, EVERY surgery is
dangerous, and yes, people can die from any type of surgery. Tell them you
appreciate their concern, offer them info on what you'll be going through
and tell them you will need their support post-op and that right now you
need positive thoughts and please keep the negativity to themselves. If
they choose not to be there for you that's their problem and you did all
you could to help them. Do what is best for YOU. Surgery or not it needs
to be your decision. This site has been a wonderful educational site and
support site as well. We're here if you need us. Best of luck to you...
— adeas
January 19, 2004
A FEW OF THE POSTERS HERE GOT IT RIGHT ON,, PEOPLE WHO ARE ALSO OVER
WEIGHT CAN BE JEALOUS, YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING THEY EITHER CAN'T DO OR FEAR
DOING..I FOUND OUT THE ONES WHO REALLY MATTER,, MY FAMILY,, LOVED ONES,,
THEY WANTED ME AROUND FOR YEARS TO COME,, THEY HAD WATCHED ME STRUGGLE TO
WALK,, BEATHE, TO JUST WORK.. YOUR "TRUE" FRIENDS WILL BE GLAD
FOR THE NEW YOU,, BECAUSE THEY CARE ABOUT YOU! AND YOU HAVE SHOWED THAT YOU
ALSO CARED ENOUGH ABOUT YOURSELF TO TRY TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE.. BEING 2 YEARS
OUT FROM MY OWN W.L.S.,, AND A NORMAL WEIGHT FOR A YEAR AND A HALF NOW..
WHAT YOU FEAR TODAY WILL NOT MATTER AT ALL IN THE GREAT YEARS TO COME..
JUST TAKE IT AS IT COMES AND GET READY FOR A NEW LIFE,, I'D DO IT AGAIN
TOMORROW IF I HAD TO,, GOOD LUCK
— bruce M.
January 19, 2004
This is something that you have to decide on your on. I am 3 months p.o. I
have lost 87 pounds. Several people tried to talk me out of it. Especially
my brother, I told him that I had made a decision to do this and as long as
I prayed and felt like this is what God wanted me to do that I would be
fine. Now my brother said that he may have to consider this. I think that
he just didn't want me to be smaller that him. Just pray about this. This
is a selfish decision that you have to make on you own.
— Betty W.
January 19, 2004
I agree 100% with Bob, personally I feel that alot of the time when it
comes to family memebers they are afraid of loosing you and sometimes I
think they are in denial about us, maybe even embarassed to a certian
extent. My family was my problem, but now nearly 4 months later they are
so excited for me! Hang in there!
— Saxbyd
January 19, 2004
HI Kellie
I was in the same boat as you when I decided I was going to have this
surgery. My Father-in-Law was dead set against me having this surgery and
my Mother-in-Law was apprehensive. She would get on the internet when she
was at work and look up everything she could find that was negetive about
this surgery. I told her that I had been researching this for over a year
before I had my consultation with the surgeon. I had tried all kinds of
diets and just kept on gaining weight. I also told her I knew that this
doesn't work for everyone, but this was my last resort at a chance of being
thin. I knew of the chances that I might not come through the surgery, but
that is a FACTOR WITH ANY SURGERY!!! There are risks involved. If you have
a good surgeon, with experience with the surgery you are going to have,
then that surgeon will do everything in his/her power to see that you are
in the best possible hands. Just remember, this surgery is for YOU, not for
anyone else. You just have to decide who is the most important person in
your life and go from there.
Deb...322/180/140
— Deb S.
January 20, 2004
Kellie, like the others who posted in response to your question, I too had
problems with support pre-op. My father, who passed away 2 years ago, was
dead set against it, and I did not pursue it until a full year after he
passed, giving myself the 'opportunity' (if one could call it that) of
gaining another 70 pounds. Even my boss was against it, and told me how
she knew someone who'd had a terrible time, and so on and so on. I just
stopped talking about it except at support group meetings - and i so highly
recommend you find a support group in your area and begin attending
meetings - and when surgery was scheduled, I simply informed my boss it was
scheduled and I needed to go. and Kellie, my ride has not been perfect - I
did have some complications 6 weeks out; but my surgeon was great, things
are done, and now, at 16 weeks out, I'm down 96 pounds and feeling so much
better. I still have 64 pounds to go to reach goal weight - but i'll get
there. Only YOU can decide what you need; but you can make it less
stressful with some healthy support. A WLS group is immensely helpful -
even if you end up having to drive a bit once a week to go to one - it's a
good investment in YOU, and perhaps, for the first time in your life - or
at least in a very long time - this is something that IS about YOU! Good
luck - hang in there - and join the losing side. Diana.
— Diana D.
January 20, 2004
My fianc'e was quite concerned about me having open rny as well... What I
would suggest to you and to ANY one looking to have the surgery is...
RESEARCH! and make sure your surgeon had A GREAT PRE OP AND POST OP program
in place.,.. I was very blessed to have a Great staff as well as Surgeon.
The more one can learn the more atease they become.. I am 6 wks post op and
doing great! Best of luck..God Bless!
— Kalli R.
January 20, 2004
Kellie, I realize the decision to have the WLS is a hard one. For me, I
felt I had no choice. I talked with my family prior to WLS and some
approved and some didn't. I did not allow the ones that didn't approve to
dictate what choice I was going to make. The other people in your life are
not living your life. The ultimate decision is yours to make as you decide.
Before I made my choice, I researched this well. With all the information
out there, positive and negative, I was able to make the choice that was
the best for me. No matter whether you choose to have the surgery or not,
really has nothing to do with the other people. I know from experience that
I would not have survived another year if I had not made the choice I did.
I think the greatest strength you have comes from within your soul. Listen
to your voice. I recommend praying about it, weighing the pro's and con's,
then decide what you think is right for you and you alone. Some family
members and friends were worried about me, and they couldn't see that when
I made this choice, it was because I felt there was not an alternative. I
would never have thought about it if I felt there were. You are the one
that is going to have to live with your body, now and forever. Not someone
else. I felt that letting go and making this decision, was my way of moving
forward. No matter what I have had to go through to have this surgery and
abiding by the rules, it has all been worth the benefits I have received.
Definitely the benefits have outweighted the negative in my case. It is
amazing to see how my life has changed since 06/11/04, my surgery date,
with a lose of 83lbs. No, it has not been easy at times. There have been
times I was kicking and screaming fighting with this mind thing that tries
to devour my happiness through manipulation of my thoughts. The truth is ,
I have the power to control and to change those thoughts. It is a constant
battle every day for me. I have had depression for alot of years. And I
struggle to keep my sanity at times. But no matter how hard my life still
is at times, I definitely would do this again today if I had the choice.
For myself, that was the best decision I could have chosen. I wish you the
best of luck. I have faith in you. You will make the choice that is right
for you. May God Bless You. Janice
— betterfitness
January 20, 2004
You basically have to make up your mind that you're doing this for yourself
and anybody who doesn't agree with that can go suck air. My boss even
tried 3 times to talk me out of having this surgery, convinced I was going
to die. I did this to recover my health and it's been very successful.
Just smile, thank them for their concern and do what you think is right.
— Cathy S.
January 20, 2004
When they open there mouth and start with their negative comments or
stories, I just say very nice and very postively that I don't want to hear
that nonsense. I have researched this surgery for a year and I already
know the complications. I have made up my mind what is best for me...so I
would appreciate it if they would respect my decision and support me in it.
— Fancy
January 20, 2004
Make your own decision. I am almost 1 year past my surgery on 1/27/03, and
down over 120 and happily past my personal goal. 2 days before my surgery,
my mom pleaded with me not to go through with it, but now she's a big
supporter. It is a very hard decision, but it's one that I'll never
regret! Blessings! CB - rny 1/27/03- 298/167/-past goal of 175!
— CrystalBroj
January 20, 2004
Hi there, the other day when I watched Oprah and they were talking about
WLS, a doctor on there put it in place for some people, even Oprah. She
said, "If someone was told they had cancer and would die one day soon,
but they could have "a surgery" and live longer, what would they
say? They would of course say, yes give me surgery" Then Oprah
responded with a "your comparing cancer surgery to WLS" in
somewhat of a smug voice. And the doctor said "YES, people who need
the WLS could and most than likely would die from an array of things, heart
disease, cancer, diabetes, etc. so for them, they need to have surgery to
correct the problem just like a cancer patient would need to correct their
problem." I hope that made some sense. It's hard to try to get it
exactly how it was said. Bottom line......we're not totally doing this so
we look hot. =) We're doing this for our health and so we can be on earth
so much longer. You search your heart!!
Take Care,
Linda
— Linda C.
January 21, 2004
I did have friends try to discourage me with my decision. I am almost 3
years post-op now and I still get some negative responses for my decision.
I do not regret my choice for 1 second. It is the very best decision that
I have ever made in my life. All that matters is that you are happy with
your choice. There will always be somebody with negativity and you don't
need that from anybody.
— Kelly T.
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