Question:
Have any of you experienced 'different' attention from friends after surgery?
Im curious if anyone has had changes in attention from LONG TERM friends after surgery - something along the lines of suddenly being invited to parties, to go out, etc. Like deep down they were embarassed (even though they will deny this) by your weight and now that youve lost it suddenly its cool to go out. — Valerie H. (posted on May 29, 2002)
May 29, 2002
ABSOLUTELY. Example, my boss and I have gone out to lunch more in the last
few months than in the 5 years I have worked for him. I am not sure that
he was embarrassed by my weight...but I am much more sociable and
"nice" to be around. I am happier and I think it makes people
treat me a little different. PLUS, he has a little Audi TT convertible and
I know that presurgery, I would have turned him down 100 times over because
I'd be afraid that I wouldn't fit in the car. My best friend told me that
I smile more and I am more approachable. SO...I think it is both of
us....the friends treat us differently because we are different...we just
don't see it since we don't always see ourselves the way others do.
— Ilene M.
May 29, 2002
Interestingly, a lot of my long-term friends are male, because I work in
computers. Before surgery, they treated me like "one of the
guys." Now, 180 lbs. lighter, I am treated like an actual woman ...
which can be a bit uncomfortable at times, i.e. they'll offer me their seat
in a crowded restaurant waiting room, offer me their coats if it's cold,
etc. Different, yes. Strange, yes. Nice? DEFINITELY! LOL
— Terissa R.
May 29, 2002
Yep! People that didn't want to aknowledge that they knew me now will come
up and talk to me like we have been friends forever. Then I have a couple
of friends that are skinny and have never weighed over 130 lbs, anyways
they take their children to the local water park and lake often and they
have NEVER once invited me, now this year the first week the water park was
open one called me to go, and the other called me to go to the lake with
her and her kids over Memorial Day. I declined both, maybe I took it wrong
but it hurt my feelings. On another note of attention is negative, my
family treats me differently also. Comming from an MO family on both sides,
its like I have committed a crime by having this surgery. They (Most) talk
about me behind my back, and they all seem like they want me to be sick all
the time and tell people so. Thank God my DH is supportive. This drives me
crazy!
— Lynda T.
May 30, 2002
I actually have noticed the opposite to this question. My larger friends
are around less and less. And these are the only people that I have
received negative responses from. Prior to surgery and the first couple of
weeks following, they were full of questions and support. Now, according
to them, I am deathly ill and it is all attributed to this surgery. I run
into mutual aquaintances that are surprised to see me up and out of bed!
It is just shocking to me that my friends would act in this way. On the
other hand, I have not noticed any difference in my smaller friends, or
people at work. They act the same way as they did before. I guess you
truely find out who your real friends are huh?
— RebeccaP
April 5, 2003
I JUST HAD A PAINFUL EXPERIENCE WITH THIS. FOR BIRTHDAYS AT MY JOB WE
DECORATE THE HONOREES CUBICLE, SOMETIMES BRING FOOD OR ORDER OUT AND HAVE
CAKE AND A CARD.
I HAD VBG 1/15/03 AND RETURNED TO WORK 2/20.
ON MY BIRTHDAY 3/21, I ARRIVED TO FIND NO DECORATIONS.
NOONE IN MY IMMEDIATE AREA SAID ANYTHING TO ACKNOWLEDGE MY BIRTHDAY UNTIL
3:30 PM. WHEN I TOOK MY AFTERNOON BREAK AND RAN TO THE BATHROOM (TO
CONSIDER A GOOD CRY FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME), I RETURNED TO FIND A SMALL
CACTUS PLANT WITH A BALLOON TIED TO IT, A CARD AND A WALMART GIFT CARD.
THE GIFT CARD IS FOR CLOTHES, OR AS ONE FRIEND PUT IT FOR NEW BRAS SINCE MY
BOOBS ARE SHRINKING. I WAS TOLD I AM MUCH MORE DIFFICULT TO SHOP FOR NOW.
I STILL DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS DIFFERENT TREATMENT. EARLIER THAT SAME
WEEK WE CELEBRATED ST PAT'S. EVERYONE INCLUDING ME BROUGHT IN A DISH. WE
MUNCHED ALL DAY. OF COURSE I DID NOT HAVE MUCH, BUT I PARTICIPATED. I WAS
TRYING TO SHOW THEM I HAD NOT CHANGED. I HAD ABOUT 1/6 OF A CAKE OF GREEN
CAKE AND EVERYTHING.
I AM THINKING ABOUT DECORATING THE CUBICLE MYSELF TO ACKNOWLEDGE POST OP
DAY 100 ON 4/24. OR I MAY JUST TAKE THE DAY OFF AND CELEBRATE ALONE.
HAVEN'T DECIDED YET.
— BETH L.
December 27, 2003
Sadly friends do treat us differently. A couple of good friends now do not
call as much. We all tend to have "roles" with those we associate
with. Suddenly, I am no longer the "fat" smart one. I am no
longer fat, so I no longer "fit." I left a gathering at my
brothers (who is OB and diabetic) house and returned to the room
unexpectedly to overhear a discussion about how he would never let anyone
cut on him and how he will lose weight the "natural" way, the
"healthy" way. It is if I have committed some type of crime for
getting control of my weight and my life. I need to get new friends and
learn to ignore my brother. I am healthy--he is not. I am almost to goal,
he was still giving excuses about not being ready to start exercising.
— Ms Jean
January 6, 2005
Last sunday I went to church in a little black dress that was 2" above
my knee to sing in the choir. It was a size 14, before wls I was in a very
snug size 24. I felt I was modest and classy. (not tacky) I received a
call that afternoon stating my dress was too short and neckline too low. (
it was 2" below my colarbone) Numerous complaints were allegedly
lodged , even to the pastor. I see women poured int too small skirts
where I can see pantylines and bulges where thier control top pantyhose
stops. Talk about something discusting. One MO (former) friend even had
the nerve to add to it I had a run in my hose. Wow, will I still see
heaven!? I also for go the donuts after choir, as well as the barage of
cookies ar weekly practice. I am so discusted because I truely enjoy the
professional calabre of the groop's sound and doing the great wo0ks of the
masters that I can't get anywhere else in the area, and now I feel so
uncomfortable I just can't go.
— kay T.
January 6, 2005
Valerie, I absolutely WOULD NOT put a lot of faith in being told that
"numerous complaints were lodged." That is probably total hogwash
from someone who isn't dealing too well with the sin of envy. Stating that
others agree is often a tactic used to make a position seem stronger. I
encourage you to get back in the swing and go do something that you enjoy.
I don't think we should ever let the opinions of others keep us from doing
something that we love to do. I know it would take courage for you to go
back but lots of things in life take courage and that's what makes them
worth doing.
— scbabe
January 6, 2005
Oops, sorry..........that last post should have been addressed to Kay.
— scbabe
January 6, 2005
KAY .... I hate to hear about your awful experience and even hate it more
because it happened in a place where people SHOULD be accepting and loving.
All I can say is that people can be disappointing sometimes - try to
continue to be the classy lady it sounds you are. Gray
— Grayson S.
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