Question:
When will anyone notice???
This may come across as being really vain and selfish, but I saw a friend that I haven't seen since my wedding in September 2001 and they didn't comment on my weight loss. Either they didn't notice (which kind of sucks) or they did and but wasn't really sure that maybe they'd offend me if I hadn't lost (I know that sounds weird). I have lost almost 50 pounds in 2 months and kind of am waiting for someone I don't see very often to say something. How long before people really started to say how great you were looking??? — bevewy (posted on June 6, 2002)
June 6, 2002
I am almost 4 months post op and down 78 lbs since surgery...some people
say very good things to me, lots of compliments especially from folks I am
around all the time. Some however dont say a word, but the look they give
me tells me they did notice. So watch those body signals too.
— SARose61
June 6, 2002
I am less than 4 months post op and have lost 90 pounds. It amazes me to no
end that some people won't say a word to me about it, and I KNOW they had
to notice. I mean, how could they not? I assume that maybe they think they
will offend me. Who knows? I am going to my step-sisters bridal shower
Saturday, and I will see a lot of people I have not seen in a while. I
guess I could make it a game to see who says something and who doesn't. :)
The most important thing is that *I* notice, and I am thrilled! Hang in
there, you are doing great!
— Jennifer G.
June 6, 2002
I felt the very same way after I had lost 50 lbs. Gosh, I felt THIN. I
took a week of at work and when I returned I got comments that I looked
like I had lost more weight. Sometimes it just takes a while for people to
notice and comment. Be patient ... you WILL get there and get lots of good
comments.
— Betty Todd
June 6, 2002
You didn't say how much you weighed when you started out so my answer will
be based on an assumed weight of around 275 since you wore a size 26
wedding dress. Even at a 50 pound loss, you're still considerberly
overweight. People may not notice until you've dropped another 25 pounds.
Maybe once you're out of the size 20's range, folks will begin to notice.
Size 18 and under is when you can shop at regular stores. I know what you
may be feeling. I've dropped 25 pounds in one month... but it's gonna take
another 30 to 40 before folks notice.
— juliehedges
June 6, 2002
I like it the opposite direction - although neither really bother me. I
once worked in a hospital in Texas City, Texas - there was a woman in the
ER who must have weighed three hundred and something pounds although I
never really thought about it. She was the sweetest lady I've ever met and
her eyes were piercing - she always had a smile on her face and ready to
help with whatever tasks that were needed. We worked every day with each
other and every day we would talk. I have a strict rule of listening
carefully when someone is talking and to look them in the eyes to truly get
the 'just' of what they are talking about. One day, I walked into the ER
and things were rather slow - I was checking out a nice looking EMT guy who
had just brought in a patient and noticed my friend standing next to him -
after he left, I remember clearly (this is the day I realized she use to be
300+ pounds) - I remember clearly trying to figure out what in the world
was different about her. I finally just asked her - I said, did you cut
your hair or color it or what - something looks really different about you.
She said "nothing really - I haven't changed a thing". I said,
no...you did - something is really different but I can't put my finger on
it. She said - other than losing 200 pounds in the past 1 1/2, I haven't
done a thing. I swear with all my heart - I had no idea. I never looked
at her body, I guess - I don't know but I sure didn't realize she was
losing. Each day I would see her but I never noticed a change until that
one day - kind of odd but she said she loved it. She said she knew that I
sincerely meant no bad intentions by not praising her along the way but I
never really noticed. Maybe it's the same for some of your co-workers or
maybe some of the people who haven't seen the weight gain after not seeing
you for so long - believe you look the same. Don't get discouraged - do
this for you and it will be all worth while in the end. Bright Blessings
to you.
— Lisa J.
June 6, 2002
When I'd lost about 50# (of the 150 I was to lose), I visited my old
church. People looked at me oddly, some asked if my hair was different. No
one commented on the wt lost. Sigh. 1 yr later, we went back to visit and
no one KNEW me! TWICE someone stepped between my dh & I and asked if he
was there alone! A few who'd been close buddies finally said they'd
noticed the wt loss the year before, but since I'd been so dreadfully ill
pre-op, they ASSUMED I was dying. (We had moved 50 mi away, so they
weren't in on the details of my life.) So, they were AFRAID to say
anything!
— vitalady
June 6, 2002
I know exactly what you're feeling. I have lost massive amounts of weight
(only to gain it all back) in the past and people didn't really act like
they noticed or even cared. They also didn't act any different each of the
times when I gained a bunch of weight. I have talked to several of my
friends about this and they said that part of it has to do with the fact
that I cover and carry my weight very well. The clothes I wear are not
real revealing and my closest friend was absolutely shocked to hear that I
had gained over 100 pounds right before his eyes in a 15 month timeframe.
He hadn't even noticed. Don't let it get you down...it may just mean you
have always carried your weight well or that people see you for who you are
rather than what you look like. I keep waiting to hear a comment about my
weightloss (from someone who doesn't know I had WLS), but I doubt I will
hear anything until I've lost A LOT more weight. I'm not getting my hopes
up yet : )
— Kelly M.
June 6, 2002
My advice is to not even worry about it. As others have said before,
sometimes people are trying to look out for your feelings and not
compliment you because it will make both parties uncomfortable. It could be
that, or just the fact that some people really don't wont to give
compliments, some people don't like to see other people succeed, at
anything, even weight loss. Either way it goes, you know how much you've
lost regardless if it's pointed out or not.
— Laydie K.
June 6, 2002
Thank you for expressing my feeling exactly! I've lost just under 80
pounds in under four month going from 314 to 235. And, I couldn't beleive
how no one ever said ANYthing to me. Well, I have to agree with some of
the other posters. Just this week, I have had three people *finally*-say
something to me, and each one whispered it - as if they were embarrassed to
ask or afraid maybe it was a topic they shouldn't bring up. So, maybe
that's one reason people don't say anything. The other thing is that, like
another poster said, some people don't see us as fat as we may think they
do. I showed my three month out phtos's to some people and a few were lik,
"WOW!" - not "wow, you look good", but "wow, I
didn't see you as that fat before". One friend actually said that the
way I look now, at my lower weight, is how she always *saw* me. Get it?
Well, anyway...give a little more time. I mean really, drop over 125
pounds and how can people *not* say anything, right???? ;) Congrats on the
50 pounds!!!
— PaulaM
June 6, 2002
I have had the same thing happen. And yes, I do want people to say,
"WOW" when they see me, but I'm just not getting that yet. When
I had lost 50 lbs. someone told me that, "You look different, what did
you do?" And I said, "I've lost 50 lbs"! And after losing
close to 70 lbs., a neighbor that I rarely see asked,"Have you been
losing weight?" I thought, 70 lbs. gone and it has to be a QUESTION?
But I guess I should be happy it was even noticed. I just smiled and
said,"yes, I have lost 70 lbs". I went to a support group
meeting last night and everyone was telling me how tone I looked and ooing
and ahing over my arms, and they really boosted my confidence. They
notice, but on the other hand, they are LOOKING for the changes. I figure
that when I get to goal, people should notice by then! Thanks for the
question, now I know I'm not alone!
— Cheri M.
June 6, 2002
I just had to add my two cents in here...I am a court reporter and am in
contact with literally hundreds of attorneys every single week. Well, one
attorney pulled one of my co-workers aside and asked if I was all right,
because I was losing weight so rapidly...as in, did I have cancer? He
didn't want to tell me that I looked great if the reason I had lost so much
weight so quickly was because I was undergoing chemo or radiation. It's a
sad but all too often true part of our society. It was especially
difficult for this poor guy, whom I have known for about 10 years, because
I was also losing hair rapidly at that point too...he was very relieved
when he heard the truth. Good luck, and don't read too much into what
people do and don't say. Some people just don't know how to express their
feelings either.
Take care and have a sparkling day!!
— Mustang
June 6, 2002
This is too ironic, because I just had the first person who didn't know I
had surgery notice I had lost weight last night! I've lost just over 60
lbs since surgery, and had lost ~25 before, so that's quite a bit of weight
not to notice. It was really bumming me out, so I feel better now. Here's
another one tho: when will *I* notice? When I look in the mirror, I can
see the scars and the stretch marks, but I swear I don't look much smaller.
— GGinMA
June 6, 2002
To be honest, I could care less about it. As a matter of fact,
the less attention that I get the happier I am. Don't get me
wrong, the compliments are nice... but I look forward to the
day that I am "normalized" and my weight, high or low is no
longer an issue.
Don't worry about it... you know that you are getting healthier
and thinner all the time. That is all that really matters.
Best wishes,
— Ann B.
June 7, 2002
I recently took a trip with three old high school friends (we're 48 now so
we've been friends for a long time). They did not know I had the surgery
(they all live in other states) and no one said a word about my nearly 100#
weight loss. I was so disappointed because I was prepared to tell them all
about my surgery. But, then I got to thinking about it, and these same
women never said anything whenever I GAINED weight either! Once I realized
that, I felt alot better. They are my friends and love me whether I am fat
or thin. It just is not an issue with them.
— blank first name B.
June 7, 2002
It took about 40 pounds for anyone to notice - even me, really. Now
however, I have lost only 10 pounds in 5 months, and all of a sudden
everywhere I go people tell me how great I look with the weight loss. I
don't know if it is cause of skimpier summery clothes, or I have actually
bought good fitting clohes or what - it is kind of hard cause I get so many
complement, but I have been stuck forever! - 14 months out.
— M. A. B.
June 7, 2002
I know exactly what you mean. I have lost 131 pds and I work in the
telecommunications business. I have dealt with this customer for the last 4
years each summer for a telethon. Well last year I had just came back from
my disablity and he never commented but at that point alot of people could
not tell I had lost anything I started out at 329 and at this point I had
lost maybe 45-50 so when you are at size it is hardly noticeable well
yesterday I met with him again and he said Susan your hair really looks
nice you must be doing something different. HELLO... I wanted to slap him
and say I lost 131 pds. So you're not alone don't feel bad.
— susan V.
June 7, 2002
We live in such a "politically correct" world these days (or one
that tries to be!); it is almost as if you are damned if you do and damned
if you don't. Whereas we may comment on one's appearance, and be shot down
(perhaps viewed as petty, or "didn't they think I looked acceptable
before?")- yet if we don't comment, we are rude (don't they notice my
weight-loss?). It has happened to me this way: I have a picture of me at
my sister's wedding hanging on my wall. My FIL says you look really great
now, Karen. Some of those pictures you have up... and then he fades into
speechless-ness.... What am I supposed to take that as? Should I remove the
pictures because they are sad? I look bloated, not myself? Or do I say,
Thank You Bob, I rather like the transformation myself and take it as a
compliment. Interpretation of his comments or lack of comments is
everything. I am still that same person. That picture is part of my
history, and in a way I keep there to say "I am still the same
person"...
— Karen R.
June 7, 2002
Your not selfish at all. We have been through a major life change and we
want to be recognized for any accomplishment...and 50 lbs is a big one! I
checked out your profile and you were the same size as me when I had my
surgery. I feel the same way as you sometimes, but then I have to be
honest with myself and realize that my 48.5 lbs lost looks different on me
than it would on someone else (smaller). I would like to lose 150lbs so I
am no small girl. 50lbs looks like 25lbs to someone my size and sometimes
thats just not enough to make someone take notice. I know that my clothes
are getting very big on me, my face has changed a bit and I feel good so I
just keep it in mind that one of these days the compliment flood gates will
come screaming open and I will be very appreciative at last....and so will
you!
— pam29922
June 7, 2002
It is frustrating when people don't comment. My boss has never once said a
thing, even though I've lost 65 pounds (just about half way to goal) and
knows I've had the surgery. But he's complimented me several times when
I've worn new clothing (that fit me, unlike my old fat clothes that hung on
me). His wife (who works in the office several times a week) has NEVER
said a single word - and I think she does it out of spite. But my biggest
disappointment was my ex. I hadn't told him about the surgery, and avoided
him like the plague afterwards. I wanted to wait until I'd lost enough to
make a huge impression on him (and make him regret being the rat-bastard he
is - LOL). Well...he and his parents saw me two weeks ago - and not a
word! Last week, he spent an hour with me - and not a word! When I
complained to my daughters about it, they told me he "figured"
out I had the surgery, and has been making off-hand comments to them all
along, like "yeah...I know your Mom's losing a lot of weight".
Oh well...the people who really matter HAVE said something and have been
really complimentary and supportive.
— Cyndie K.
June 7, 2002
Depending on how much weight you have to lose, sometimes the larger you are
it will take losing 50 pounds for people to notice. I was a lightweight
(yeah, I love that term!!) and people didn't comment on any of my weight
loss until I had lost about 35 pounds. Also, some people might not feel
comfortable saying something to you about the weight loss for fear of not
nowing how you my react to there comment. Are you going to be upset or
hurt? Everyone reacts differently to there weight loss. Some people NEVER
want there weight loss to be pointed out. Others do.
— Patty H.
June 8, 2002
after losing 175 pounds, and just returning to work, i've met many
kinds of people.. early on when i had lost 50 pounds,, not many
noticed,,fine,, then when i lost 100 pounds many people noticed, most were
positve,, when i lost more,, sadly some of the ones who totally ignored the
weight loss had weight problems themselves,,and sadly jealousy does enter
in,,then the ones i anger at the most,, the life long skinny people, who
never had a weight problem in their lives,, they think they know all the
answers.. even a neice who's a nurse, and today works for an insurance
company, and approves the w.l.s. and other surgeries, and who i dearly
love, gave me a lecture at a cookout,, in front of everyone who was amazed
at my weight loss, we bantered back and forth, she, never being 10 pounds
over weight in her life, telling me, "don't you people know what a
life changing surgery that is?? i don't think people know what they are
getting themselves into"!! i asked her, "have you ever been
obese? have you ever struggled to breathe, walk up steps, try to find
clothes that never fit? had people laugh at you?? until you've done all of
that don't judge us,, we know what a life changing surgery that is,, and we
also know we need it,",, but many will feel that way and not say
it..but we do the w.l.s. for us, our familes, the true friends that i
have,,those who have been behind me 100%..mostly i want my loved ones to
some and visit me, not my headstone...
— bruce M.
June 10, 2002
First of all, congrats on your loss, you are doing great. Second of all, I
have the opposite problem, if I can call it that...I have lost about 40lbs
in two months (60-70 to go) and since about 25lbs. down, all I hear is
"OMG, you're MELTING" or "You have lost SO much
weight!" etc. etc. All the time, sometimes too much. Why am I not
ecstatic about that? Because it makes me wonder...How HUGE was I to begin
with!?! I know, sounds weird, but I won't really feel like I've
acomplished something until I am under 200lbs...and then, probably no one
will notice! Good luck to you...
— rebeccamayhew
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