Question:
HOW DO WE EXPLAIN WLS & LIFE CHANGES TO YOUNG CHILDREN?
I have a very bright and alert 6 year old who is worried about my health and is looking forward to "my shrinking" yet is afraid of something happening to me when I have WLS. How do I talk to her about WLS without creating a fantasy yet not giving her too much information that she may not be able to digest? Thanks for your input. — Gloria D. (posted on March 18, 2003)
March 18, 2003
I drew mine a very simplistic picture of what the doctor would do, and
answered their questions as honestly as I could, but focused MUCH more
heavily on the outcome. I set goals with each of them - when Mom is skinny
enough we will... (go bike riding with my son, horseback riding with my
daughter). I also organized a week with grandparents while I was in the
hospital so that gave them something exciting to look ahead to instead of
worrying about what I was doing. I didn't want them (or anyone really) to
see me in the hospital - a little too much reality with all the tubes!
— jen41766
March 18, 2003
Hi! I have 2 sons 9 & 6. I told both of them that I would be getting
surgery so I want have to be fat anymore. I said the Dr. is going to make
my stomach real little so that way I will get full by only eating a few
bites, and then I will get smaller. I told them I would have to be gone for
1 week so the Dr. can make sure my stomach is small enough before I can
come home. I also told them he would have to cut my stomach in order to do
this so I would have a bandage on when I came home and would be tired for
about 2 weeks. They both were exicted for me but I think it was the tone of
voice I used. I said "Oh!! you guys are not going to believe this come
here and sit down I have some GREAT news to tell ya'll, MOM's not going to
be fat anymore, I found a Dr. who can fix me!!" Well the hardest part
was to convince them that I was not going to be skinny when I got back home
it was going to take awhile. Well my oldest one(9) came up to me yesterday
and very seriously asked me since I was not going to be fat anymore could I
just raise up my shirt and show him my 2 stomachs! of couse I wouldn't do
that for anyone but it was so funny!
— latrishanickle
March 18, 2003
I need to mention that I do not have children. I do, however have a few
thoughts on an idea of how to explain WLS to kids. It is very important to
explain to children, at an age they can understand, that people get fat
when they are not eating well and when they arent active. I grew up as a
fat kid. I venture to say that many of us have grown up the same way. As
kids, some of us were tormented because of our weight. Every time I see or
have seen an overweight child, I want/ed to cry. I remember what it was
like. I refuse to allow my children, when I have them, to live a life of
unhealthiness and inactivity. It is best to encourage them to be active and
healthy so they dont have to use WLS as an option to lose weight. I can't
imagine any one of us who would want to see thier children NEED what we
needed. It is NOT as simple as explaining that you just want to be skinny.
What you need to tell them is that you want to be HEALTHY an you want them
to be healthy too. Make them a part of your efforts. Your eating will be
healthier and so will theirs. You will need to model behaviors for them
now.
— Bunnie
March 18, 2003
LC~ I would not tell them that I was un-healthy! This would scare my boys
to death, at that point they would think I was sick or how they would think
is something is wrong with the inside of my body and what if the doctor
could not fix it, would I die" I fully agree they need to be taught
about health and exercise and the importance of being in a normal weight
range, and both of my boys are in perfect weight range, because they are
very active, they get very little tv time. But they do know what death is
and this is not the time to even suggest to them anything to make their
mind wonder in that direction. At my house this is a very postive thing,
they are both very excited. We do not ever tell them anything negative
about this surgery. Now after this is all over I will sit down with them
and later explain all of those details to them,but once again I don't think
it is a good decison to do it that way prior to surgery.
— latrishanickle
March 18, 2003
You might check the hospital to see if they have a tour for little kids.
Sometimes when they see where mommy or daddy are going it helps ease the
tension. Let them know you are going to come back and make sure that
somehow they get to see you while you are in the hospital so they know you
are ok. Heres an idea. Tape some messages for them while you are going to
be gone either with a video camera or even with a tape recorder. I like the
video camera better because it gives you a before picture too. Good Luck.
My kids were 10 and 13 so my approach was different than yours should be.
— snicklefritz
March 18, 2003
I also have a 6 year old who was very curious. (She was 5 at the time of
surgery and also had a 2 yr. old brother) I explained that mommy wasn't as
healthy as I could be and that the Dr.s were going to help me get healthy.
I told them I would be having surgery on my tummy to help me and that I
would needs some help recooperating. (They were both SO SWEET while I was
recooperating! ) I emphasised that I would be the exact same mommy to them
but that I would be a lot happier, healthier and be able to do a lot more
things with them. As we've gone along in the WLS journey together, they've
noticed me making "wiser" choices in eating and that I'm
exercising frequently. Both of these habits are ones that I do hope they
pick up. I don't want either one of them to go down the road that I've
been down. Play it by ear with your daughter. Only you know how she
processes information and to what extent you want her to know details. I
didn't mention "being fat" at all. I don't want my kids to
equate being fat with being bad. I just emphasized being healthy. Good
luck to you & God Bless
— Leah H.
March 19, 2003
I have a 10 year old, so she understood the medical side of things more
than a 6 year old would, but I have some advice. First of all, make sure
that she dosen't get the idea that fat is "bad" and skinny is
"good." At six girls are starting to develop their own body
image and you want her to know that a wide range of body types are
beautiful and healthy. Also, make sure that she truly understands that
when you come home from the hospital you won't be any smaller. I think
sometimes if we tell a child that the "Dr. is going to make my stomach
smaller," they think of the belly they can see, not the inside stomach
that they can't see. Explain that you will get smaller very slowley and
that she may not notice anything different at first. Make sure she knows
that you will still be you and will still look like you. I don't think you
need to be any more technical than, "I have a little problem with my
stomach and the Dr. is going to fix it."
— Amber L.
March 19, 2003
I have 4 children, ages 8 through 13. I told them I was going to have
surgery to make my stomach smaller (I had a lap transected proximal RNY).
I told them I wanted to do it to lose weight and be healthier and able to
run and play with them more. I completely downplayed the risks, and told
them everything would be all right. My husband and I decided that would be
best. If something tragic had happened during surgery, my husband would
help them deal with it afterwards. Then I showed them all the Before/After
pictures on this site, so that they could begin to understand what I was
going to do.
My kids were not at all concerned. Now they're really proud of me (-121
pounds), and they tell everyone why their mommy can't eat sugar anymore! I
speak openly about the WLS, so it doesn't matter to me that they speak up
about it in public. I think the fact that we discussed it so openly and
that I was so excited to be having the surgery really contributed to their
being so comfortable with the procedure.
— Kathy J.
March 19, 2003
My kids were 9 and 4 when I had my surgery. One thing that helped was that
my husband brought them to the hospital (in their pajamas) every night for
a brief visit "to tuck Mommy in". They took me for a walk, and
then I got into bed and we said bedtime prayers together. They kissed me
goodnight and turned out my light, pulled the covers up over me just like I
do for them at home. It was a very sweet time and they still (almost 4
years later) remember it and talk about it. hugs, Ann rny 9/10/99
260/124
— [Deactivated Member]
March 20, 2003
This is a subject very near and dear to my heart. I have a 4 yo grandson I
take care of and all I really told him was that my stomach was being fixed
by the dr. there was No mention of weight issues. I was hoping to not give
him the feeling of right / wrong related to body size. or predjudices about
fat people or issues about eating for him self. He saw me briefly in the
hospital , and looked carefully at my owie on my tummy on a daily basis.
was understanding of the explanation that He had to be extra gentle with
gramma. It worked very well not to give him info he didn't need to have.
I have to say 5 1/2 months later I wish I had discussed this with way fewer
people, I have lost a lot of weight and want to get on with my life rather
than being questioned about it at every turn. I have to say tho It was so
cute a week ago I had out a preop pictuer, and he looked at it and said, Oh
gramma that is a really old picture, he could see the difference.
— **willow**
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