Question:
How to keep my surgery private when another family member has had it?
Hi, I am currently waiting to meet my surgeon for my first consultation and have a privacy question to ask. At this point, only my Husband and Mom know about my decision to have gastric bypass surgery. Because I am afraid I will jinx myself, I do not want to tell anyone else about my decision until the weight is off. My question is this: How likely is it that another family member who had this surgery done a few years ago will recognize the changes in my habits and be a blabber mouth? This family member can be really catty and mean and I just don't want to discuss my surgery with anyone at this point, except my Husband, Mom, the people on this website, my doctors etc. How would you all handle this? Thanks in advance! — Gia L. (posted on September 18, 2003)
September 17, 2003
How often are you around this person? If in a situation where you would be
eating, I am going to guess she will figure it out. Since she has gone
through it she may be more respectful of your wishes than you think. Hope
she doesn't figure it out till at least further out and at a time you may
be willing to talk about it. Personally I find talking about it, when
people ask, and providing lots of support is helpful to me to stay focused
and mainly on track. If you don't see this person often then I would not
sweat it. Are you sure she does not frequent this website?
— zoedogcbr
September 17, 2003
If you see this person frequently, she'll probably figure it out. If not,
then you can just say that your on a high protein diet (not a lie) and it
drops weight REAL quick.
— Patty H.
September 17, 2003
With Al Roker, Carnie, and others its getting hard to hide the fact that
someone had surgery. People will guess and gossip behind your back and
suspect Cancer Aids or other dreaded disease. I had people come up to me
and ask so how is your Chemo coming. Its best to tell the truth, as you
cant hide a 100 pound quick loss. If you tell you will find 99%+ are very
supportive. If you eat around the post op they will know. WLS is nothing to
be ashamed of! I say that just in case anyone is! Just like so many other
medical procedures its to save lives. Best wishes on your surgery!
— bob-haller
September 17, 2003
I had my surgery in August and the only people who know are my oldest
daughter and husband.Everyone else thinks I had gall bladder surgery.I'm a
light weight and am a slow loser,19 pounds the first 6 weeks.I don't feel
it's anyones business but mine.If anyone who knows me comes to this
website,Gussie is my dogs name,Phillips is an old boy friend's last name!My
cousin is having surgery the end of this month by the same surgeon.She
doesn't have a clue I know this surgeon let alone had surgery.It's a
personal choice and I don't chose to be the topic of conversation.
— Gussie
September 17, 2003
I have to say that I agree with Gussie. It really is no ones business but
your own. I decided that I didn't want to tell everyone what I was doing;
I didn't want to feel like everyone was monitoring what I ate and how much
I lost. I told my husband and two close friends. Before the surgery I
told my parents and through my mother my sister found out but she was
suspicious anyway. I think the MOST IMPORTANT thing to remember through
this is that we are All Different - from what we can eat and how soon to
how much and how quickly (or slowly) we lose. Your "symptoms"
may be completely different from hers and while she may have suspicions it
might take her a while to figure it out. And who knows? By then you may
feel quite differently about it. I've loosened up on the subject now that
I've shed a few pounds - but it still isn't something I run around telling
everyone about. I'm in no way ashamed of the choice I've made - it's just
that it was MY choice! Good luck! Pam
— Pambylah
September 18, 2003
Hi Gia- If your family DOES figure it out, I would come out with it, such
as "Yes, I did have WLS, I am fine, but I prefer not to discuss
it." If anyone is "catty and mean", you don't have to stick
around and put up with it :o) Good Luck to you, I'm still pre-op as well
:o) Mea
— Mea A.
September 18, 2003
Gia,
While I certainly understand your desire to keep this a private matter, you
are going to have to expect that others, and not just the family member you
referred to, to speculate on your sudden weight loss. My suggestion is to
go on with your plans and if someone does ask you, be honest. You don't
have to discuss details and you don't have to volunteer information, but be
honest if it comes up.
— Patty_Butler
September 18, 2003
Well, you are definitely entitled to keep your surgery private, but like
most things, others who have gone through a similar experience may
recognize the signs and figure it out. Some people ask me if I am on the
Atkins diet due to the fact I usually leave my side dishes over when they
are starchy. I tell most that I had the bypass and I am eating an Atkins
type diet but low fat in addition. Anyway, try the Atkins excuse if
needed, or just ssay "diet and exersise" which is also true.
Best of luck!!!
— Fixnmyself
September 18, 2003
— D L.
September 18, 2003
Aw, so what if she's a blabber mouth? There is no shame in having this
surgery and you shouldn't have to keep it secret from anyone. You are
doing this step so you don't have to lie or decieve yourself or anyone else
anymore. You are you and there is nothing to be ashamed of.
— mrsmyranow
September 18, 2003
Since your main problem stems from this one person and how hurtful her
comments can be, why don't you get it over with and tell everyone BUT HER.
— Melanie G.
September 19, 2003
I had a similar situation. I only told my husband and one close friend. My
sister figured it out because she had a close friend who had the surgery.
She very publicly "outed" me. If I had it to do over again I
still wouldn't tell her, but I would also have avoided visiting her (she
lives several states away) for a few months. You might feel more up to
telling people AFTER the surgery. I know that beforehand, I didn't want
anyone's "advice" or comments. Good luck.
— Laura B.
September 19, 2003
While I told a lot of people in my life about my surgery there was one
group of family members I did not want to know about it. They have a
member on the other side of their family who had RNY and is still having
major complications more than a year after surgery. Luckily I am not
around them much at all, and when my mom speaks of how I am doing she just
says I have made some changes in my eating and exercising, which I had
even before surgery. One close moment the last time I was around these
family members, was I joked about just putting my tough in a cup of Pepsi
and my sister said, "you'll dump", I quickly gave her a look and
motioned with my eyes towards the family members, so she knew to shut-up.
While watching sugar and eating protein isn't a dead give away that I had
WLS, I think "dumping" would be. BTW out of all people these
family members ended up at the same hospital I was at for WLS which was 2
hours away...thank goodness for privacy policies...they actually saw my mom
in the lobby and she told them she was there for a check up, it was where
she had her radiation done.
— Sarahlicious
September 19, 2003
Thank you all so very much for your responses. For now, I am going to keep
the surgery to myself and my small support group. I am sure once the
surgery is over and I start losing I will want to tell everyone. I am
around this family member often and I know they will recognize and probably
start gossiping behind my back. I love Melanie's suggestion and that's
probably what I will do. Ha! I also 99.9% sure this person does not use
this website, or a computer for that matter. :-) Thanks again and good
luck to us all!
— Gia L.
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