Question:
Anyone experience severe depression?
I feel left out of groups I belonged to prior to surgey, My surgery date was Nov 2007. I have lost 93.5 pounds so far. My coworkers I ate lunch with daily before surgery have shut me out. I now eat at my desk or not at all. Lunch was the time at my office to socialize, We would order food out and eat together, Now I must eat special food or bring my own selections and no on includes me anymore. I loved to go to work pre op and now I dread walking in the office. I find I am taking part of my lunch break to walk alone outside the building just to escape. Is this normal to feel like I am no longer part of the group? I feel the depression getting worse everyday. I just don't feel like my friends are supporting me since I had surgery...I can still eat just not the same foods. I try to put on a happy face but I am miserable. Anyone else going through this? I am happy with the changes in myself just not the relationships in my life... — DOREN (posted on June 4, 2008)
June 4, 2008
What do you mean by "shut out"? Do you mean people don't ask you
to join them, or do you mean you've been told you're not welcome? Is it
possible that people aren't approaching you because they know you can't
order food and maybe it's awkward? What would it be for you to take your
food and go sit with them? Sounds like you have some options you're not
exercising. And speaking of exercising, good for you for using your lunch
break in a positive way. Why not invite some of your coworkers to go for a
walk with you? Bottom line, if you're sitting there waiting for someone to
invite you, you might be there a while. Go where the action is honey.
These people were your friends before and so presumably they are still your
friends. Maybe they don't want to upset you by eating food you can't have
in front of you and don't know that you're ok with this. Clear the air.
Good Luck!!
— Shirley D.
June 4, 2008
Perhaps they just don't know what to expect. Surgery is a big brave step
in their eyes. They probably are afraid to "ruin" you. Now you
really have to make the entire lunch a social event rather than focus on
the food. I went through MAJOR relationship adjustments, changes and
alterations. This is normal. Just make sure that these things are what
YOU are comfortable with. It's not so bad once you get the hang of it.
Best of luck. Keep me posted.
— bariatricdivalatina
June 4, 2008
The problem is is that you always centered food around your life. I dont
understand why you have to bring "special" food to work? Whay
cant you order food? I eat everything. I lost 150LBS and had my surgery 5
years ago and I have kept it off. I order food out. I dont get it????? If
they are your friends then talk to them. Tell them how you feel. They are
probably jealous of you. a lot of people are when ypu lose weight like that
and look amazing. Maybe your thinking its worse than it is. Talk to them
— Joanc
June 4, 2008
Depression is a serious thing so I will not try to advise you on that. But
I agree with a few statements made above. If these were friends before you
had surgery then they will most likely be your friends now. Tell the
person in the group, who you feel closest too, how you feel. And hopefully
you will gain insight on what they are thinking. They too may feel
unafraid or unsure how to deal with the new you. And I dont think moving
to an eating out strategy may be in your best interest right now.
Individuals respond to these surgeries differently so what may work for one
individual may not work for eveyone. Try speaking to the person you feel
closes with and see if your thoughts/feelings are true or if they truly
dont want you around. Believe me I work in an environment where some
adults act like kindergarteners. If that is the case then you take your
shrinking sexier you and start building new relationships with individuals
who arent so shallow.
— B. Jones
June 4, 2008
Hey Doren, I've been there, done that! I know both sides of the equation
because my husband had gastric bypass and I felt like I lost my best friend
because every thing we had done previously was surrounded around food. All
of a sudden we are on a different playing field. This past December, I too
became a RNY patient and now because of watching him go through it, I am
not having the same depression issues that he did. I don't always have the
support around me either. I would love to be an encourager for you. If
you would like, you can email me at [email protected]
— Breathin4him
June 5, 2008
Try to show them that you can still enjoy eating lunch with them. You can
eat out, just make healthy choices. A lot of places have soup or wraps
that might work for you. I used to and still do enjoy going to lunch with
friends. That's the only time I get to see most of them. If they leave
the restaurant selection to me, I usually pick a place that has steak, soup
or wraps. If all else fails, order veggies or something, and just bring in
a backup lunch from home. Take the initiative and ask them to go out to
lunch with you. If they are good friends, chances are they'll accept. If
not, they weren't worth worrying about. You are a normal person who just
needs to eat healthy.
— gonnadoit
June 5, 2008
If these people were your true friends...then don't "sit back"
and wait on them - do what you would have done before the surgery. You are
the same person, you just had your insides rearranged, not your feelings.
Walk up to them as you would have before, lunch in hand and sit with them,
don't wait for an invitation. Talk and laugh with them...don't walk alone.
They might think that YOU think that you are better than they are
now...show them that you are not! Good Luck! Danette
— Danette C.
June 5, 2008
Be proud, you have lost over 93 pounds, you talk about co-workers, what
about your own self asteem, your health, the way you look and feel feel. If
food was there only way to relate to you as a friend, they should be
thrilled for you. In my wife's office they watch every thing she eats, if
she even tries to sneak something I get an e-mail. Real friends care about
you. Be proud, you have done a great thing for yourself!
— Ira Sansolo
June 5, 2008
No reason to feel left out. Just because you dont eat a lot anymore dont
mean that you dont eat and it dosent mean that you cant socialize with
others. Just get up and go, if they accepted you before they will now. If
the depression remains a problem go to the doc and get treatment for it.
— an_old_fisherman
June 5, 2008
I went thru a bit of this myself. Casual friends were actually jealous of
me and those are not the kind of people I wnt in my life anymore. I am MUCH
more picky of who my friends are. WhenI was heavy, I think I let people
take advantage of me and was just happy to have company...These days, I
like myself so much better and don't let people in my life that make me
feel bad about myself in any way...I don't settle for that kinda company.
Could you be shutting them out by not realizing it? I had food seperation
anxiety...I actually mourned the loss of food like a death in my life. I
was quite sad by this. Eventually I learned to make my new lifestyle diet
better with recipes that made new food taste and look like the old
fattening version. I also learned that it's okay to eat normal food
again...but to just make the better choices. If everyone went out for
burgers and fries and a milkshake...You get the grilled chicken sandwich,
no fried and large water with lemon. (then you taste a french fry from
your friends plate! And you don't allow yourself to feel guilty and you
also let them know that you are still human and still that girlt hat loves
french fries but that you are strong enough NOW to change your life. They
will respect that and admire that. If they don't...Find new office friends
for another department. Seriously...You are worth the awesome change you
made for yourself...So don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. Love
yourself sweetie...You know you are worth it or you wouldn't have made such
an radical change in your life to start with. It's hard...and don't let
anyone tell you it's not hard...You have so much to look forward to...Let
this just be a little bump in your journey...You have done awesome! You are
only 6 months out! Let that 93.5 lbs be a joy for all the sacrifices you
made! You still have another 6 months before you are a graduate! You are
not even done yet and look at how far and fast you came! I think you should
go out and reward yourself with something new and expensive...(not clothes
yet) Maybe a handbag you always wanted or something shiny and pretty like a
piece of jewelry or a hair cut to go along with the new you...Change is
stressful even if it is good change...Roll with it...and allow yourself to
enjoy it...Go sit with your friends and let them get used to the new
improved you! Hugs
— .Anita R.
June 5, 2008
are you depressed about them acting different or are you depressed in
general? I was morbidly obese and those the same were more apt to talk to
me and do things with me (mostly eat) and after wls those people stopped
coming around and stopped calling. Many family. Why cause I was not in the
group like we used to be for eating large amounts of pizza or just making
all the desserts for the cook outs. Lost the weight and lost friends and
family. Started gaining the weight back some after 4 yrs post-op and they
love that. Tell them I am losiing again and they get scarce again. Choose
to be without them or ask them what is the problem. But if you are
depressed seek help and before it gets worse.
— mspisces
June 5, 2008
You have to put your self back into the circle. I had a simular experence.
I was always at parties and eating out or going to Pizza. I felt like I
was doing it to myself, so I had a party and fixed foods everyone liked,
but I did a veggy tray, and added good bottle water to the softdrink and
beer tub. I joined in with everyone and you know they at the cheese that I
put out (about 6 lbs) and tweo veggy trays, and drank 4 cases of water.
When I was invited to the next event I went, and there was water, and a
veggy tray and cheese. Then I took a few of the people I work with to a
place near the office and I had a salad, and most of them wanted a pizza.
I at the cheese and veggy toping and just left the curst, but we had a good
time. Now I am asked is there somewhere I would like to go, and best of
all, two of my freind that felt unconfortable around me when I lost weight
came and asked me if they could go to a support group and see what it was
all about. I took them to the doctors lecture before hand and then to the
support group. My support group meets tonight and they asked if they could
go again, as they want to explore maybe having surgery. Don't hide, don't
push your style on others, but blend. Best of success to you.
— William (Bill) wmil
June 5, 2008
I have bipolar, which for me includes severe depression, but it is not
related to WLS. It's important to get treatment for depression (therapy,
support groups, medication if needed) so please make an appointment with
your doctor or surgeon to deal with this. I have found that when I am
depressed, things that would normally make me sad or a little upset become
devastating. It's harder for me to cope with the regular ups and downs of
life when I'm depressed. I think that if you get some treatment and get to
feeling better, you will start to enjoy work and life again. WLS is a
major life change and that in and of itself can trigger depression... on
top of it, weight loss affects your hormone levels which can make
depression so much worse.
As far as your coworkers/fitting into the group, I think that as you get
further out from surgery (and deal with your depression) this will improve.
I may be misreading your question, but I'm not sure why you can't eat
lunch with your coworkers, other than your walk---find another time to
walk. It sounds like your co-workers are ordering take out and eating it
in the office... why do you have to order something? You could bring your
own food and eat with them. If you feel like you have to order, get
something small--instead of a meal, go with a drink, an appetizer, a salad,
or a sandwich (and just eat the meat). I would suggest talking to
whichever coworker you are the most comfortable with and saying, "hey,
i really miss eating with you guys, do you mind if i bring my own food and
sit with you guys?" or something along those lines. You could also
see invite someone to join you on your lunchtime walk.
It's difficult, especially when you are dealing with depression, but
sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and let other people know how
you are feeling and what your needs are. You've made a great first step by
sharing with us, now its time to share with your coworkers and friends.
Good luck!
— mrsidknee
June 5, 2008
Your coworkers who are not accepting of your special dietary needs and
reject you because of it are not really very good *friends* are they? You
need to restructure your socialization with some true friends who will be
supportive of you and what you are trying to do to get your life turned
around.
— [Deactivated Member]
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