Question:
whats going on? advice?
ok, since i had wls in april, my fiance has lost some weight too. we will have been together for four years next month. we are only 19 years old, and it seems like we have the 'private' life of a 40 year old couple. so to speak. we are not the average couple. his sex drive is non exsistant. i feel like he has lost his sex drive since he lost weight, but that doesnt make sense. i also feel like i am no longer attractive to him since i have lost weight. he always said he likes 'bigger' girls. but he said that he desires me either way, thin, or heavy. so dont know what is going on. any advice? steph — squeekypete (posted on September 14, 2006)
September 14, 2006
Hey Steph, Unfortunately for some people loosing weight also causes a
temporary loss of sex drive. I know from personal experience. When I met my
husband I weighed 245 and at my highest weight I got up to 299. My husband
too prefers "Big Girls" and interestingly enough he did not
really start liking the new look until after I got pregnant with our 8 week
old daughter. I had this surgery to improve my quality of life and he has
learned that he has to love the new me as much as the big me. Hell I look
good and he is blessed to have a wife that loves him like I do.
— Tiff's On a Mission
September 14, 2006
Just to be safe, ask your/his doc to test his testosterone levels. It's
not just about drive, but like estrogen is for women, prolonged low
testosterone can impair men's bones & other organs. Everything is
hooked together in our bodies and if one brick fails, the whole building
can come down. It's fairly easy to fix this problem, BTW, but first it has
to be identified. Quick blood test, quite common. Age has nothing to do
with this, per se.
— vitalady
September 15, 2006
Steph,
It is normal for both of you to have mixed emotions and adjustment issues
after a weight loss. However, it is important that you stay focused on
your weight loss and health. It is not uncommon for a spouse or
significant other to display mixed emotions concerning your weight loss.
If he was used to you being a plus size girl, he may have relied on that to
squash his own insecurities. Some men truly do like 'bigger girls'. On
the other hand, in "frank" terms...some like 'bigger girls'
because they feel that nobody else would ever take a second glance at them,
therefore they will always feel in control of the relationship.
Ultimately, give it time and hopefully you both will come around. This is
a big adjustment for the both of you. However, don't ever sabotage your
own weight loss success. By that, I mean don't ever compromise your
health and emotional needs because you are worried about what others are
thinking or wanting from you. Ultimately, whether it is a friend, family
member, spouse, or significant other---they should be happy that you are
becoming a healthier person. Give your fiance time. He will come around.
He became comfortable with you as a 'bigger girl'. In time he will also
become comfortable with the new healthier and skinnier you.
— ahluchtman
September 15, 2006
Steph, Coming from someone that has recently been that age. I was young and
in love as well. Trust me You have alot of years left to find the right
one. Sometimes people in our lives are the right ones for now. The ones
that are ment to come into our lives to to help us through something. Such
as healthy problems, surgery, etc. The point being. If the relationship is
going down hill on the romantic front. Decide to try and save it as a
friendship.
— Navada L.
September 15, 2006
Is he near heavy enough to qualify for WLS?
— bob-haller
September 15, 2006
Is he near heavy enough to qualify for WLS?
— bob-haller
September 16, 2006
our relationship is good, just not that great on the romantic level. and
no, even when he was bigger, he still wasnt big enough to qualify for wls.
we talked about the band for him when he was bigger, but it wasnt ever a
solid idea, since he started losing weight on his own. i mean, i am very
very glad for him that he is losing weight on his own, but his sex drive
when kaput. we want to have kids after i am 'able' to have them (by wls
surgeons standards) so i dont know what this means for us trying to have
kids. i dont know, maybe he just wants to be safe (as i have problems with
most birthcontrols) and not get me pregnant before the two years. he is
thoughtful in that way, i just dont know. *sigh* steph
— squeekypete
September 17, 2006
hi, ok not to preach at you..your only 19 and you looking great.. ok yes i
am sure your fustrated with this all, but you want a baby at 19, not
married?? you realy should wait, as your young, wait till you lose your
weight, and see how it all goes then, if he is not interested in you
sexually now, i dont think anything will change, unless you get his
testostrin (sp) checked,, you wont realy know the cause for his low
libido.. and with the info on your profile, regarding gf/guys it doesnt
sound like your ready for a mariage until you know what you want in that
area. besides you are on and off with this guy,, take it slow and enjoy
your weight loss, your young youth, etc...
— hotwheel-queen
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