Question:
Feel inferior to co-worker who also had a RNY

Back in 1995, I had my stomach stapled. I weighed 370. I went to 239, then back up slowly to 308. I had RNY revision 02/01/08. I am down to 248 currently, and thankful, and feeling healthier. But my body is extremely sagging with lots of hanging skin. It was that way before when I got down to 239 after stomach stapling, and it's that way now after RNY. As I continue to lose, it will just get worse. I feel I can not afford financially to have my arms, legs, stomach, butt, boobs done. It's just too much money, and frankly I dread the thought of more surgery, and fear more surgery. My face is sagging, but I am hoping perhaps I can get Restylane or Juvaderm injections, maybe Botox, to firm and lift my face some - that I can afford ok. I know I will look alot better in clothes once I get in a normal weight range, but I will always have to wear long or 3/4 sleeves, capri pants, and so on. A co-worker had RNY about 18 months ago, we are the same age, height, and weight. She has had multiple plastic surgery procedures and now has the body of a young woman. She is tall and thin and has boobs like a celebrity. Her Father left her some money when he passed, and she used the money for the plastic surgery. I don't see her very often, we work different days, but when I did I told her she looked so great. She said thanks! and did not even tell me I was looking good after 60 pounds gone, or offer me even a word of encouragement. I guess I feel envious, or inferior. I can't compete with that. I feel happy for her, and other people who look so incredible afterwards, but envious too. I am wondering if anyone else who is/was extremely saggy after losing their weight feels this way when they see others who just naturally turned out all firm after the weight loss, or had plastic surgery? It would be nice to know others feel this way at times... And please don't tell me exercise will make this excess hanging skin reduce, as it won't. Exercise will burn fat and build muscle but it's not going to shrink up hanging skin. Thanks everyone.    — Gina S. (posted on June 15, 2008)

June 15, 2008
I know someone of each situation. Girls that their skin was able to shrink most of the way back and others that have hanging skin. We just have to be thankful for the health and what our surgery has done for us. We had this surgery to be healthier not to look like models. Remember that, and hopefully you will find peace in yourself for the decision to lose weight. After all we need to stay positive to ourselves and others in order to be happy in our own lives.
   — smd

June 15, 2008
Hi there, I'm sorry your feeling depressed. I understand because I have been 300 and down to 150 and back to 300 at least 4 times in the last 30 years. I am 55 now and its not so easy to lose so I am also thinking about lapband or somthing? anything!! I't hard to deal with others who have been successfull at losing but there is no way around it. You just keep going forward. Its the only way. I also have saging skin. When I was 150 I would get all these looks from women but I was afraid to respond because of my big flap of skin on my tummy. It was gross. I somtimes feel its better to be fat then to deal with the saging skin. BUt for health reasons its better to be slim. I have no solution for you but mabey its helpfull to know that others are dealing with the same type of Issues. Good luck with your weight loss and this time you go all the way......OK. Best, Rocco AKA Scipieo
   — scipieo

June 15, 2008
Hello there Gina, I just wanted to give a few words of engouragement here. I understand how you could feel that way. But let me say that someone who simply says thanks and goes on about her way is not as happy as you might think. I have the excess skin, not as bad as I thought I would, but it is there. My arms are pretty bad. I went fom 312 lbs. to (now) 170 lbs, so there is some skin issues there. My neck bothers me more than anything I suppose. But I can hide the excess skin under my clothes. And I feel so much better now than I did prior to surgery that if I can hide it, then fantastic! She has spent all that money for the surgeries and can't even take a moment to say to you "What a nice job you've done as well". Then she is too wrapped up in herself and you don't need people like that in your life anyway! So dear, just be happy for yourself and enjoy the ride. Cause who knows what the future holds. I think your doing wonderfully! Keep up the good work! :)
   — Jean N.

June 15, 2008
Please stop worrying about her beauty and look at yourself. There will always be people that we may think look better or smarter then we are regardless of wls. I'll sure that when you lose weight there were some people envious of you. You sure use the money first to remove the sagging skin before doing botox, etc., or maybe you can get a finance plan to pay for plastic surgery if it bothers you that much. Please don't take this answer the wrong way, because I mean well. We all have something on our body we would like to change. Try not to spend any more money on wls. Take care.
   — Toby2

June 15, 2008
The older we are the less chance that the elasticity our skin had in our youth will still be there as we age. So, the chances are that you will have excess skin. I do! And I don't have the money for plastic surgery. But, I no longer have to take meds for diabetes either, so I figure it's a pretty good trade off. Was your co-worker a friend or just a co-worker? Either way, it sounds like she is totally wrapped up in herself. Personally, that would not be a person I would choose to associate with. You are doing great and it sounds like you have a great support system at home. She may not! Plastic surgery may be her only way of making herself feel better. Exercise will help you lose the weight and keep it off, it also increases our "happy" hormones. It won't help the sagging skin, but you will be much healthier! Good luck!
   — irish4girl

June 16, 2008
I completely understand where you are coming from. I just started this ride on 4-1 at 305lb and as of last wk i'm down to 274lbs. I KNOW that i will have lots of sagging skin to deal with when i'm done and don't know how i'm going to afford to get PS. But as i say "What the LORD brings you to, HE will bring you thru". HE brought me to this WLS and i have to have faith that HE will see me thru to the end. And i will someday have a body that i can be happy with. I'm 42 and would really love to have a body that i and my hubby can be proud of. But i just have to be patient and trust that it will happen. You still have a little ways to go, and should be a yr at goal before you think of PS. (At least that's what i hear) So you never know what will happen when the time comes. Just trust that when it does you will be able to have done what you need. You have planty of time to start planning. There will be options. Trust! As far as the women at work..... i know it's hard, but try not to let that be an issue with you. Who knows what's going on in her life... you know.... the walk in another's shoes, deal? Be proud of the hard work you have put into yourself and stay focused. You will get there. God bless and good luck.
   — Kristi H.

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