Question:
guilt need help
I am 10 months out and I have lost 170 lbs and I am having a really hard time with several issues mental guilt I had to pay for surgery we borried the money from 401 k plan and are paying it back monthly and I have a lot of guilt over the money as I dont think I deserve the cost and I have a constant guilt over food worry about the eating too much I know I dont but I still worry the food issue is always on my mind I have been in the hospitol 3 times and over throwing all my food up and dehydration issues I am happy I had my surgery and I think I have done well but I am in a costant turmoile over these issues does anyone have these issues or some advice as I hate to burdin my family as I feel so bad about the issues please advise thanks Cindy — toyotawife (posted on July 28, 2008)
July 28, 2008
Dear Cindy, Your health and well being is worth any amount of money. Quit
letting guilt rob you of the joy of getting healthy. Your family wouldn't
have you around to love if you hadn't loved yourself enough to do what you
needed to do for you and for them! Keep up the good work. You are doing
great! Caroline
— Caroline Garber
July 28, 2008
Cindy,
Sometimes I think hard love is the answer. So here goes.
Perhaps you'd felt better in dying of weight related issues.
Then you'd left your family behind.
I'm sure they'd much rather have you than the money.
Would you be upset and a family memeber if they used
money to stay alive. I could almost bet you would much
rather have your loved one than money any amount of money.
Money can be repaid/ replaced you can not.
Tuff up and be happpy your surgery was a success and
you'll be around for a long time.
Enjoy your life your family and be glad you had the money to
do the surgery. My sis is probably going to die of a very obese
life and she does not have the money or Insurance to pay for her surgery.
I wish to God I could pay for her surgery for her.
good luck
donna
God bless you
— BJW12
July 28, 2008
Please stop feeling guilty about the money. Life is much more important
than money or things. About the food issue, are you overeating and
getting sick? If you are, please stop. You have loss a lot of weight from
wls and you don' t to have complications that could have been prevented.
I'm about two weeks post-op,--I feel you pain. Guily over money should not
be an issue now. Is there something else going on? Coninue to post here,
you will find some good advice and caring supportive people. Thank God you
are here.
— Toby2
July 28, 2008
i'M SORRY YOU ONLY LOST 170 LBS. YA RIGHT , ARE YOU NUTS? GET A GRIP
GIRL, THAT IS AMAZING!!! you should get on your knees and thank God for
170 lbs down. everything else is bs. think back 170 lbs ago.
geezzzzzzzzzz
— johndough
July 28, 2008
Hi Cindy,
I have not had my surgery yet - still waiting for insurance approval.
Please don't beat yourself up! You had this surgery to save your life so
you could be there for your family and that is the most important thing on
earth - much more important than money! You are important! You need to
take care of yourself! If you have insurance check into your coverage and
see if it will cover mental health counseling. You need to talk to someone
as soon as possible about your very low self esteem issues. If you don't
have insurance I highly recommend you see someone through your church.
There is also mental health counseling through the state on a sliding fee
scale. There is help out there and you do need help in realizing that you
are a worthy and wonderful human being.
I have had many of the same issues and worries. I have been seeing a
counselor regarding my low self-esteem issues and it has done wonders for
me. I was nearly sucidal over many of my issues. Counseling has helped me
greatly to realize that I am a loving and caring person. I want to live
for my family and to help others. I have a purpose in life and so do you.
Please seek out help before you make yourself sicker Cindy.
Sincerely,
Donna
— Donna Childress
July 28, 2008
Your weight loss is amazing and you should be proud.....but I think you
have a hint of depression and might need some Med's to get you thru this
rough time.......you are not dealing with this on a healthy level...which
copuld start you to eating more than you should......go for some counseling
and you'll be glad you did.
Pam / Ft Worth.....bandster Bites [email protected]
— pphillips4720aol.com
July 28, 2008
Cindy, I have some guilt too, my total cost through hospitalization was
over 1 million dollars. One thing I remember. I have lost almost 300 LBS in
17 months. DO NOT let food rule your life, your future. It seems to me your
too worried about food. I have to tell you don't live to eat. I keep in my
mind I eat to live and I don't let food worry me at all. I don't even think
about food anymore. As far as the money end of it remember you are worth
more than the money. You only get one chance live your life. Go for it and
do not look back. Look at how far you have come. You have come a long way.
Don't look how far you have to go, it will happen. your future is wide
open and you have alot of living to do. E-mail me anytime
[email protected]
— obx100
July 28, 2008
Cindy, YOU ARE WORTH IT! You are worth every penny. My best friend is much
like you - she can't stand to do anything for herself because she feels
she is taking away from her family. She deserves to have things for herself
and so do you. Your family is getting a healthier, happier Cindy - and
nothing matters more than that. *hugs*
— lauren_marie
July 28, 2008
Remember we did this for Health and Life reasons. If you are having issues
keeping food down, talk to your Dr. If you are choosing to "throw
up" because you ate too much or something you shouldnt have - you need
to STOP and re-think the reasons why you did this in the first place. I
personally let myself go thru the 30 or so min. of pain until the food is
digested as my "pay back". Now 3 yrs. post op, I just dont do it
. I make MY wise choices and after the meal, I feel happy that I did.
You will constantly riddle yourself with guilt - but YOU are worth it.
When you get down the road a bit, after the rollercoaster ride is slowing
down - it will be worth it, you and your family will see more of its
rewards.
I was lucky, my husband reminds me daily that the surgery and the 2 plastic
surgeries I have had are worth more to him, than any NEW car he could have
gotten. He realizes that the life and existence we have now is WORTH any
amount of money! Keep your chin up!
— C-There
July 28, 2008
Your doing fine, and WLS likely saved your life! Now get a part time
PHYSICAL JOB, like stocking shelves in a busy grocery store! Not only will
you get LOTS of good exercise but use ALL the extra $$$ to pay back your
retirement. WIN WIN all around!
— bob-haller
July 28, 2008
I understand your stress about the money- I did the same thing and borrowed
against my 401K- In my case I had to repay the loan with a 9% interest rate
that I am paying back into the 401K so I am getting some return on the
money-if you left the money in the 401K do you know your actual rate of
return would have been? The difference between that and 9% is my actual
cost- Don't worry about the money- this was a good investment with an
excellent rate of return-- your health-
— Kristin B.
August 2, 2008
Dear Cindy,
I was a lot like you. Feeling guilty about everything--big or small. Not
feeling worthy of--well anything good. I was so miserable I finally went to
one of those Family Counseling places. Almost every community has one.
They have therapists there you can talk to and they charge on a sliding
fee scales so you don't have to feel guilty about that money. I could be as
little as $20--or even nothing, if you say you can't afford it.
I went there for a long time too. Eventually I started to feel a little
better about myself and started feeling worthy of love, worthy of people
doing something nice for me once in awhile and worthy of SELF-LOVE--that is
I started to feel worthy of taking care of myself, of thinking of myself
once in awhile and doing the things I knew were good for me.
The kind of worry and internal torment you are having is not good for
you--it can raise your blood pressure and do much damage to your internal
organs. I just bet that your inner voice is beating you up all the time,
right? I couldn't stop that inner voice on my own. I needed professional
help. I think it might work for you too, if you you give it a try.
Best of luck to you.
— Tina G.
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