Question:
Has anyone had inconsiderate accusations made at work due to WLS?
Please bare with me. This may sound so stupid but I guess I just really need to vent to people who understand where I've been. I am 10 months post-op RNY. It's been a hard road as I sure some of you understand, but well worth my health & nearly the 140 lbs. I've lost to date. My punk of a manager told EVERYONE I work with that I threw up outside the back room door. I was really upset to hear that from one of my co-workers that he was going around telling everyone it was me. Which sounds so petty. Apparently he found out through the grape vine about my surgery. Although, when I confronted him about it. He got this dumb look on his face like I was stupid for asking him and said to me "well, I understand you get sick a lot so I just assumed it was you!" I then said to him, you asked me once before if I did & I told you no but you are still going around like a child & saying childish accusaions like that to everyone?! Not to mention I have enough couth & sense that if I AM sick (which I wasn't) to go to the bathroom like a normal human being which happens to be right next to the back door anyhow!! He just looked at me!! No apology, nothing!! That really, really upset me!!! For him to go around like a child accusing me of basically having no manners & acting like some kind of animal just because of my WLS. I am LIVID! I'm so upset I'm about ready to go to the HR department about it. Am I being too sensitive or can you understand where I am coming from? Should I go to HR, if so on what basis? I don't want him to EVER treat me again like some kind of rabbid animal with no common sense or professionalism because of this surgery and I refuse to put up with it! — Allison T. (posted on February 7, 2003)
February 7, 2003
Hello: It sounds like your boss has his own issues with the surgery. He's
acting childish, but you can't let him upset you. Especially if he knows he
can push your buttons.
People get very threatened when we change our outlook, appearance and our
role in our lives and our workplace. He's probably wondering if you are
going to take HIS job now that you have a new svelte body!
I would say that going to HR is something to think about - but take into
consideration the atmosphere where you work. If you need the job and HR
won't back you up, it might make things worse.
Don't let this Turkey get you down. You are a butterfly now and you will be
Beautiful!
— NewJoolz
February 7, 2003
Could he possibly been concerned for you, but when confronted angrily just
went stupid? Some people have trouble showing concern for others
face-to-face. Then again, he could have just been adding his own tidbits
to the gossip mill.
— Brenda L.
February 7, 2003
hummm i don't think you should go to HR. and i don't think you should talk
about wls at work with anyone if you want to keep your personal things
private. if the ppl that know about your wls have a problem with
it.......it's THEIR problem ...not yours. hold your head high, get
healthy...and know you did the right thing for yourself...you didn't have
wls for them...so f--k them!
— k K.
February 7, 2003
Another story and reason why people should think carefully before letting
anyone at work know about their surgery. The grapevine at work locations
is alive and well. This poster did not tell her manager, yet he found out
about her surgery. I would do two things in this situation: # 1, I would
go to HR and post a complaint, however, I would let the manager know you
are doing so (nothing behind the back) and I would also have a co-worker or
two willing to supply a statement that he did go around telling others that
you threw up outside the door-if you don't get corroborating evidence, then
it is your word against his, and he is a manager. Trust me on this one.
Secondly, I would ask to meet with him and then tell him in this meeting,
that since he has so many eroneous assumptions about WLS, you'd like to
take this opportunity to educate him on the surgery.
— Cindy R.
February 7, 2003
Hi, I don't think you should go to HR unless it he continues to talk about
you. You have to make it absolutley clear to him that you will not tolerate
him telling people disgusting things about you. If he continues, it
qualifies as harrassment, and then I would go to HR. Hopefully it will not
go to that point. Good luck :o)
— fropunka
February 7, 2003
Here's yet another opinion for you: Don't go to HR with a one-time
complaint of this type, especially when you've confronted the problem
yourself and dealt with it. Wait and see. If it becomes a pattern, then
*maybe* go see them. And sadly, don't count on backup from fellow
employees who might tell you one thing in person, quietly and
confidentially, but who may freeze up at the notion of reporting anything
officially. Stories can tend to change or disappear when things get
"official." Plus, you don't want to be viewed as a whiner by HR
and your management (NOT FAIR, I hasten to add, but that often happens).
Go to the mat when it's really worth it. As irritating as this guy sounds,
to me, it doesn't sound like he or this particular incident is worth it.
And it sounds like there are people there who need to get busier with
*work* instead of speculating about your gastrointestinal doin's. ;) Just
my 2c!
— Suzy C.
February 7, 2003
Hi Allison: Your post interested me very much (I'm an HR Professional).
Your manager sounds very unprofessional. Unless you disclosed the fact
that you were having WLS, your personal medical information must remain
confidential. I would go see your HR representative with your concerns and
to request a meeting with your manager to tell him how his actions have
affected you. HR will be required to document the meeting and the outcome.
If he continues his behavior, it is a form of harassment and you will have
documentation on file to support a follow up complaint. If you do have the
meeting, be sure to be prepared with notes and also be ready to tell HR
what you are looking for in the terms of a resolution. And, above all
else, stay calm during the meeting and try to keep a handle on your
emotions. Sometimes when we get angry we lose control. I'm not saying
that you'll do that but I know how it can be when someone makes you so mad
you want to spit. Hope you get this worked out and good luck as you
continue on your weight loss journey.
— Joyce N.
February 7, 2003
Hi Allison...I totally agree with Joyce. I would go to HR but always
remember to stay calm and just state the facts. I bet after one meeting the
situation will stop. If not, in the next meeting I would use the term
"Harassment". That usually gets everyones attention. Ginger
— sweets1224
February 7, 2003
are you sure he knows about your wls? did he come out and say that? maybe
he is worried you are making yourself sick on purpose and is concerned that
you are loosing so much weight so fast. also, if you choose to tell people
you had wls...don't get mad or hurt because they don't see it the same as
you do. it is a personal choice. talk with him agian..and DON'T try and
educate him about it...because that is NOT the point...the point is he
needs to be a boss instead of spreading rumors...
— k K.
February 7, 2003
I totally agree with Joyce, one of the previous posters. I am a manager of
a department store and I work with HR myself quite a bit. She is
right...continuing to do what your manager is doing is a form of
harrassment. It also sounds as if he's creating a hostile work environment
for you. Personally, I would never dream of 'gossiping' about any of my
employees in any way. That is just straight-up unprofessional.
— Jamie H.
February 9, 2003
Allison: First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on a fabulous loss! Secondly, I
have to agree with several previous posters on this one. I have had
dealings with the HR departments at several places I've worked. The
attitude you take into a meeting will set the tone for how they react to
the situation. Be completely calm no matter how infuriated you are.
AND..do NOT trust that co-workers will back up what you say, no matter how
close you think you are.
Jobs are hard to come by and most people that work, do so because they need
to. When they are put on the spot, they tend to cower, especially during
these economic times. It's sad, but true.
As for educating your boss about WLS, it is not your job to do that. Your
procedure is none of his business. If he wanted to he could educate
himself.
Now...you go girl and have a great life!!!
— Diane S.
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