Question:
How do you get through it when it hurts so deeply?

Someone I considered one of my best friends for almost 20 years has recently become rather hostile to me for no apparent reason. He's not overweight, but he seems to have a problem with me getting more attention than him. We recently had an falling out because a guy we both had a crush on decided to flirt with me over my friend. This friend of mine is obviously jealous about it, which is normal, but has taken the issue a step further by voicing to several mutual friends his displeasure at "how conceited" I've become since my weight loss, but has not voiced this to me. We currently aren't speaking. I'd confront him to discuss this, but he'd deny it- Whatever. I've since made the painful decision to cut the friend out of my life because the relationship is no longer healthy for me. I know many of you have had to go through this post op, but how did you cope? I've known this person a long time and it hurts more than I actually want to admit. Please help.    — 5yrsout (posted on November 4, 2001)

November 4, 2001
I haven't had it happen yet. Not like that anyway. But I have had a boyfriend dump me when he found out I had the surgery (he didn't want me to have it) and I know it is because he is afraid that I won't want him anymore. And to be honest about it he is probably right. However, that is obviously not your problem. In the past, when this has happened to me for other reasons, I have just chosen to stay out of that persons life. Still be friends just not good friends like we were. Or you could explain to your friend how you feel and let them know what your decision is. Giving him the opportunity to get his feelings in check and treat you better. Maybe he just can't handle that you are getting more attention than him and you are a threat to him. He could be doing this unconsciously and needs you to point it out.
   — K T.

November 4, 2001
Not like you but I have lost a couple friends over my weight loss, they are both MOs themselves and were irritated at my loss. Funny thing, one of them called me the other day asking for my surgeons name. I offered to take them to a support group meeting. They see my success. I dont want to lose friends, but its there choice. Put in perspective loosing friends is a small price to pay for getting my health back.
   — bob-haller

November 4, 2001
With friends like him, who needs an enemy. Believe it or not a lot of our "normal" size friends enjoyed the fact that we were bigger and less attractive to some. We made them shine when going out to clubs and especially when competing for attention from potential love interests. It's your turn to shine and don't let anyone stop you. I have had several friends not even say, "Hey, you look great, or I've noticed your weight loss" and I've lost 87 pounds. I just smile, shop, and enjoy all of my new found attention.
   — Tammy W.

December 31, 2001
I recently lost a long time MO freind and although the reason stated wasnt jealousy or weight loss related it is more than obvious that she can't handle watching the changes in my life when she isn't changing hers. When she ended the freindship at first I was angry, hurt and confused, but after realizing what really is going on I just feel sorry for her and I have let it go. Hopefully one day she will come around and make positive changes in her own life and we can be freinds again. Until then the relationship wouldnt be productive for either of us anyway.
   — [Anonymous]

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