Self Doubt

So my surgery isn't until January and I'm using the time until then to best prepare myself for surgery in any way that I can think of. I've started seeing a therapist, have modified my diet to be protein centred and low carb, and religiously research and scour this amazing forum for support and advice. However, where I was previously confident about being successful with VSG, I'm now second guessing my decision. I've tried so many times in the past to get my eating under control and while I've lost weight at times, I've always gained it back and then some. I guess I'm just really nervous about failing after surgery. I can see from other people's incredible weight loss on this forum that VSG is an amazing tool that will work if you put the effort in but what if I revert to old habits and the surgery goes to waste? It's sad to admit but I just don't know if I can trust myself to do what it takes to be successful. Is it possible that I'm not ready for surgery or do you think I'm self-sabotaging myself with negative thoughts before I even make it out of the gate? I'd be interested to know if anyone else struggled with these feelings of doubt before surgery and what they did to overcome them? I don't know what else I can do to put my mind at ease. Any words of encouragement or advice would be very welcome at this point. I learn so much from the people on this forum and am extremely grateful!

I think it's wonderful that you are examining the emotional aspects of your upcoming life changing event!

The fact that you are worried about being able to maintain a changed lifestyle shows to me at least that you are reality based. AWESOME! You think your past does not point to the fact that you will be able to be successful long term, but you've never had an amazing tool like VSG to support you. You are also in therapy which, if good therapy, will be invaluable in supporting your life changes. I personally think you are on the right track. Work on the negativity in therapy. Ridding yourself of that self recrimination is essential in my mind.

I am one of those people who did great in the losing phase and the first part of maintenance. I had some major life stress come on in 2013 and things got a lot hard for me on a day to day bais. I began to slip back into old habits, allowed the stress to continue, ate more, etc... you know the story.

I'll tell you what I did not have - a healthy fear of regain (I felt sort of infallible). Also, I did not understand the emotional aspect of my eating, nor did I understand my physical response to sugar and to a lesser degree, white carbs. I did not begin therapy until I was banging my head against a wall this past winter.  I think you are far ahead of where I was on my journey at the same point.

So, yes, I gained some weight back. Sure I have felt like a WLS failure from time to time. But, still, VSG is one of the best things I have ever done for myself. I am no longer morbidly obese. I am far more physically active and I am HEALTHY and I am strong! I can walk up steep hills and walking up 5 flights of stairs isn't even daunting. I've learned a great deal about myself and how I use food to cope with life. I have come to understand that I have disordered eating. I am able to accept my F'd upness around food and have pretty much been able to stop the self loathing that went with my food issues and my obesity. (Yes, there are flare ups, but it's not the daily self berating I did for years.)

The VSG journey has not been a total bed of roses for me, but I will honestly say that I walked down the road I needed to and am far, far better off for having had VSG than if I had backed away from it.

My advice? Keep your focus. Don't lose sight of from where you came. Understand that you get out of VSG what you put in - it's a tool, not an answer. Learn from the successes and foibles of those who've gone ahead of you. Take those lessons to heart.

Can't say it loudly enough: VSG is one of the best things I have ever done for myself!

Kairk, thank you so much for your response and for sharing your experience with me. I agree with you that therapy will be invaluable to me as I undergo this process. I definitely need to work on the negativity. I'm extremely critical of myself and am so disappointed that I let myself gain as much weight as I have. This is something that I'm hoping therapy will help me to let go of. I know VSG will change my life if I use it as the tool it is; it's just difficult to ignore those feelings of self-doubt. Again, therapy will hopefully help with that. I'm very grateful that you didn't sugarcoat your weight loss journey either. It'd be comforting to think that I'll lose significant amounts of weight every month but I know that isn't realistic thinking. I know I'll have ups and downs, and plenty of frustrations, but hopefully with the support of my therapist, surgeon, family, and the incredible people on this forum, I'll be able to keep moving forward. Thanks again for your response; I can learn a lot from your experience. 

I think these are feelings that many of us have.  I know I worried that I would be the one person that this didn't work for.  But, like you, I started working hard pre-op to see a therapist and sort my brain out.  I've had a setback with weight loss the past 4 months, but I've gotten myself back on track and things are going well.  So I know I can do it.  

What's different this time is everything.  I'm different.  I'm not willing to let this go to waste.  I refuse to fail.  I've never felt that way before.  

Thanks for sharing, Gwen. It's nice to know that others felt the same as I do and managed to make VSG work for them. Like you, I'm certain I'll experience setbacks but hopefully I'll be able to move forward as you have. I need to work on my outlook and make the decision that I will not fail at this either. Thanks for the encouragement; your posts on this site have been very helpful to me.

The time before your surgery when you're working on changing habits (with your nutritionist on your supervised diet if you're required to have one) is a time where you will learn a whole lot about what you are willing to do for yourself. Take this time to work on unraveling your tightly woven habits and self doubt. For me, that time was such a gift-I had space to really think about my eating habits but also how I view myself through the lens of success or failure. My black and white thinking, my fear of success, my all or nothing tendencies, my denial of deeply ingrained rituals revolving around eating, etc. The fact that you're taking this time to examine your potential for failure is very important. Working on your refusal to fail is a good next step. 

We have a lot of thinking in common, specifically a fear of success and all or nothing tendencies. It's nice to see that you've been able to work on and move away from these. I definitely need to put time in with my therapist to learn more about myself and my relationship with food and to address my fear of failure and self-doubt. While I wish my surgery was sooner, I'm also glad that I have a good amount of time to prepare myself emotionally. Thank you for your response and for sharing your experience. Your advice has been extremely helpful.

Wow! You have nailed some of the very same issues that I have had to deal with. I find it fascinating how many of us suffer from the same debilitating emotional issues.

Hi Sammy. Worrying that your sleeve surgery will result in WL failure is normal. I'm in my 60s and have been overweight, then obese, since my early 40s. I, too, tried everything with no success -- even got that wretched Lap-Band 11 years ago (which was removed with the sleeve surgery). Nothing worked. 

I wrote a similar post to yours before my surgery on 2/2/15, voicing my fears that the sleeve, too, might end up being yet another (and irreversible!) attempt in my long list of failures. I was reassured by everyone here that this thing works. I was committed to the surgery anyway, fears or no fears, because I was desperate and knew this was my last chance at a normal life at a healthy weight.

Now, at almost 7 months post-op, I can say the sleeve was the best decision of my life. I've lost 80 pounds so far, and hope to lose another 40-50 pounds more. Before the surgery, trying to control my weight was like trying to swim upstream in a strong current -- impossible to maintain. Post-op, I still have to put the effort into swimming (the sleeve is not a free ride), but it's like swimming in a calm lake -- sustainable and even satisfying.

This surgery, IMO, is the only way for morbidly obese people to lose weight and keep it off. I should say, the surgery PLUS learning to eat small portions of healthy food. No calories from liquids in any form (alcohol, milkshakes, sodas, etc.). PROTEIN FIRST. If you like to read, the book I recommend most for good information about the surgery and nutrition is "Ultimate Gastric Sleeve Success: A Practical Patient Guide To Help Maximize Your Weight Loss Results," by Duc C. Vuong, M.D.  

Good luck with whatever you decide. But don't let fear dictate your life. That's a bad idea in any aspect of living.

psychoticparrot

Hi psychoticparrot! Thank you for your response and words of encouragement, and congratulations with your weight loss, it's very inspiring. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone when it comes to my fears of failure after WLS, and I agree with you that fear shouldn't dictate my life. This is definitely something for me to work on in the months before my surgery. In my heart I know that this surgery is the right option for me and quite possibly the only option for me to lose and maintain weight loss. I'm just finding it hard to accept that, I suppose. I love to read so I'll definitely check out your book recommendation. Thanks again for your kind words. I'll keep them in mind as I move forward.