Can we really celebrate in the same way we did before VSG? My answer.
I am re-posting an answer I gave to a friend here in a PM. Of course, I asked for permission before posting and removed anything that might show who asked the question. I think this might be helpful to more people at this time of year. The question was about baking for others and finding that this time of year is difficult because of social functions. Most people told her that she is being too hard on herself and this is the holiday season so she should just enjoy.
My advice, as usual, goes against the grain of what everyone else says. I come at this from a very different place than most people because of my education, vocation and personal work (in therapy). What I know for certain is that people without major food issues don't need VSG. That means we are in a different class of people, and we always will be there. It has very little to do with our weight of the moment and everything to do with our coping strategies.
Let me try to explain it this way, our bodies have strengths and weaknesses. Whenever something goes wrong, it tends to hit our weak points first. So someone who is prone to backaches, will get that during times of stress or overdoing physical activity, while someone with knee issues will feel it there first. The same thing applies to our psychological strengths and weaknesses. For us, food and issues around food will always be our Achilles heel.
If you subscribe to my point of view, you will see that just like we have to take special care with the weaker parts of our physical bodies, so to do we need to take special care with our food issues. They will never be fully solved, no matter how skinny we get. It is just an area of weakness for us and always will be.
I will ask you, do you really think that baking sweets and partaking in this ritual is best for someone that has and always will have food issues? Of course not. You, or any sane person, would never tell someone with back issues to go lift heavy weights without a spotter, so why do you choose to put yourself in a dangerous situation for you? Yes, I know this is the way you have always been doing it before, but how did that work out for you?
It is a no brainer in my mind that you have just touched the stove and found that it is still hot. It will always be hot. You have to find new habits and rituals. You have find new ways of celebrating the holidays, birthdays, vacations, and everything else you used to celebrate with food. If you choose not to listen to me, and just continue down the same path you have always been on, somewhere down the line, the "heat" will really burn you and you WILL gain your weight back. I am absolutely certain of what I am saying here. This process is really not about the losing of the weight, it is about giving you an opportunity to start over and learn to do things differently. Then maintenance is all about continuing to do things differently and not reverting to our old patterns even when it feels like we have beaten the beast. Just remember, the beast is next door doing pushups and lifting weights, just getting ready for you to open that door. Don't ever let it happen. Yes, I know, I sound ominous and dramatic, but our weight is our heart attack waiting to happen. Don't let it happen, don't open that door. Make new patterns, new rituals, new ways of celebrating and of showing love. Don't listen to the people that say you are over reacting. It is that healthy all knowing and wise part of you that reached out to me asking for help. Take the help.
Hugs,
Elina
Elina,
I see my food issues as alcohol is to an alcoholic. I have gained back too much weight to know that I can't have just one because one is too much and a thousand isn't enough. And yes, while I stay on the straight and narrow path, my food addiction is in the parking lot doing push ups just waiting for a moment of weakness for me to mess up. Right now, since I am only 9 days post op, it is impossible for me to eat anything. Well, it may be possible to eat, but I am a rule follower and right now I'm am on liquids and that makes life easy for now. Like many on here, I've lost tons of weight in the past - even up to 120 lbs. And most of it is back. I thought I should be able to celebrate all those holidays, etc., and it got me to having VSG surgery. So I need other ways to distract myself rather than food. The last couple days, I've been cleaning so that my house is nice and clean for the new year. That kind of activity makes me feel much better than any food ever did.
The road is as easy or hard as you make it. If you think it's unfair that you can't partake in eating all those treats, this will be a difficult road. Whereas, if you remember what all those treats did to you, and how they stopped being treats but obsessive need-to-have-at-all-costs things, they are easy to pass up. When you take away the power and emotional attachment to food, and realize it's just food, the road is much easier and you won't need to celebrate special events with food.
You are right on all points. The hard truth is that you are now in the easiest part of your journey. It gets much harder after about six months, harder still after a full year, and it seems to get increasingly harder around the third year mark. I have read and spoke with some people that are five years out that tell me that it levels off at around the five year mark and if you have been able to maintain until then, you have a decent shot at doing it for life. Food stops being just food when the ghrelin is back to about 50% of what it was pre surgery. Some of the cravings come back, but in a lessor form. It is really important to understand that this war is not over at goal, it is just starting. Developing new ways of doing the things we have always done is critical to success. My opinion only, of course.
Great Post Elina.. Thanks very much. I have really stuck to plan during the holidays, and had several cookies that I added into my day on Christmas. Other than than, I just cannot do it... I will binge and eat until I am sick. I really know it is a lifestyle change, and I will never be able to just help myself to sweets. This is too important to me and this is the last chance we have. If this does not work, we are doomed.
I think most people really don't want to understand what VSG being a "tool" is all about. I think they think it is about being a tool that lets them eat less food. Less food is not going to be the answer for most people. It is about eating differently and thinking about food differently. It is about changing our whole relationship with food. I think that this idea makes many people uncomfortable and scared because the don't want to change and they are not even sure how they would go about changing if they wanted to do it. This is why support after the surgery is such a huge peace of this.
