Stolen from main forum, important read- skewed expectations
This is a goody from Elizabeth N., something everyone pre and post op should read.. I know a lot of you don't hang on the main board, so I'm taking the liberty of lifting this post and putting it here: Text first, then link to her original post.. she asked for vets, but I chimed in anyway..
I figured maybe we can have a lively discussion here on this forum about these expectations too.. for those that are not vets, or not even post-ops yet as these are some real issues that we may have to face up to eventually..
Post Date: 10/28/11 9:29 am
From time to time, I get a bit overwhelmed with the amazing beliefs and expectations I see expressed here. It boggles my poor small mind to think that people actually believe this stuff, but what REALLY sends me off the deep end is that a lot of it is spewed by surgeons and the so-called professionals who run their WLS programs.
I'm starting this thread to ask that folks talk about the skewed ideas they brought to WLS, how you discovered they were skewed, and what the reality is. I've gotta run, having overstayed my playtime (avoiding statistics homework can only on for so long), but will start by listing a few unrealistic expectations:
1. I will not get hungry after WLS.
2. I will feel truly satiated and satisfied forever with just a few hundred calories per day.
3. I will lose x amount of weight by y date.
4. I should see x amount of weight loss within just a few days or a week of surgery.
5. The scale will ALWAYS go down all the way to my magic goal number. If it does not go down every time I step on the scale, something is wrong. If it goes UP, something is tragically wrong.
6. I will be able to successfully adhere to the kind of rigid diet and exercise program FOREVER after WLS to which I could never adhere before WLS.
7. Losing the weight will solve *insert non obesity related problem here*.
8. I will have an immediately fulfilled and joyous social life if I just lose the weight.
9. Losing the weight will save my marriage.
10. XYZ number of pounds are GONE FOREVER. I will NEVER EVER be fat again.
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/amos/4465878/Lets-talk-abo ut-skewed-or-unrealistic-expectations-Vets-of/
I figured maybe we can have a lively discussion here on this forum about these expectations too.. for those that are not vets, or not even post-ops yet as these are some real issues that we may have to face up to eventually..
Post Date: 10/28/11 9:29 am
From time to time, I get a bit overwhelmed with the amazing beliefs and expectations I see expressed here. It boggles my poor small mind to think that people actually believe this stuff, but what REALLY sends me off the deep end is that a lot of it is spewed by surgeons and the so-called professionals who run their WLS programs.
I'm starting this thread to ask that folks talk about the skewed ideas they brought to WLS, how you discovered they were skewed, and what the reality is. I've gotta run, having overstayed my playtime (avoiding statistics homework can only on for so long), but will start by listing a few unrealistic expectations:
1. I will not get hungry after WLS.
2. I will feel truly satiated and satisfied forever with just a few hundred calories per day.
3. I will lose x amount of weight by y date.
4. I should see x amount of weight loss within just a few days or a week of surgery.
5. The scale will ALWAYS go down all the way to my magic goal number. If it does not go down every time I step on the scale, something is wrong. If it goes UP, something is tragically wrong.
6. I will be able to successfully adhere to the kind of rigid diet and exercise program FOREVER after WLS to which I could never adhere before WLS.
7. Losing the weight will solve *insert non obesity related problem here*.
8. I will have an immediately fulfilled and joyous social life if I just lose the weight.
9. Losing the weight will save my marriage.
10. XYZ number of pounds are GONE FOREVER. I will NEVER EVER be fat again.
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/amos/4465878/Lets-talk-abo ut-skewed-or-unrealistic-expectations-Vets-of/
Oh no, I haven't been sleeved yet sorry, but I never thought that by having any wls that all problems would magically go away and all of sudden life would be grand. I will be more apt to answer this question once I have surgery and I still have a while yet. I'm sure I'll have a few surprises along the way though, lol.
eta: I forgot to ask you. What were some of your Aha! moments? This should be a fun discussion.
eta: I forgot to ask you. What were some of your Aha! moments? This should be a fun discussion.
I think the biggest was that I very often unconsciously ate, more than I even thought I did..I also don't think I knew what "full/satisfied" really felt like till surgery, pre-op.. it just wasn't there. There was def something broken hormonally with me.. Another, hip pain! I have more hip/SI joint lower back pain, though I did read about it happening- it still gave me a gotcha! when it happened..
I have not really had any surprises since surgery b/c what I have now is so superior to what I had first that it's honestly like a dream for me, I had dealt with a lot of my food issues and body issues while I was going though my years with the band. I had many dreams build up and torn down in those first couple of years that my rose colored glass not only came off, but where shattered into a million pieces.
I came into the Sleeve with a bit of a chip on my shoulder b/c I was kind of jaded and bitter from my first bad experience, so I have been so floored with my results and how much easier it is to live with a Sleeve then a Band. It had improved my life as a post-op in SO many ways, I am so very grateful for my revision, but I have to say that after my first experience I have kept my expectations pretty damn low.
Now, my husband thought having surgery was going to make me less of a ***** and boy was he ever wrong LOL Good t hing he loves me the way I am.
I came into the Sleeve with a bit of a chip on my shoulder b/c I was kind of jaded and bitter from my first bad experience, so I have been so floored with my results and how much easier it is to live with a Sleeve then a Band. It had improved my life as a post-op in SO many ways, I am so very grateful for my revision, but I have to say that after my first experience I have kept my expectations pretty damn low.
Now, my husband thought having surgery was going to make me less of a ***** and boy was he ever wrong LOL Good t hing he loves me the way I am.
Courtney - Lap band to VSG revision
I am glad you re-posted this as Elizabeth N blocked me a long time ego when I mentioned that I was happy and feeling rather successful with my VSG. It is unfortunate as I think she has some interesting points to bring up. As far as this post, I would like to address some of her complaints.
1) Most of us do lose our hunger after VSG, although it does seem to return but in lesser strength for many of us. Some, unfortunately. never experience this and I think it is much harder for them to stick to a particular diet. For me, I lost my huger completely until about six months out and now I have it, but it is rather mild. I would rather have it then never feel hungry again. It seems to add something to my enjoyment of my food. I no longer have the ravishing hunger I experienced my whole life before VSG.
2) I ate under 800 calories until goal and was truly satisfied with that. I really did not feel that I needed more to be happy. Since reaching goal, I have increased my calories to about 1200-1800 a day and am quite satisfied here. I do not suffer from hunger or feel deprived in any way.
3) My doctor did set clear goals he wanted me to hit in order to meet goal. He told me that if I did not hit them my chances of reaching goal would diminish. He did not say that I would never reach goal, but that statistically, my chances would be reduced. He wanted me to lose 50% of my EW by the 3 month mark, 50% by the six month mark and the rest by the end of the year. I reached 50% by the three month mark and reached goal at 6.5 months. I never felt that his goals were unrealistic and I appreciated them as they gave me a framework to shoot for. I know others that have lost slower and have reached goal, but I also know many who did not.
4) I did not have a particular amount of weight in mind to lose in the early days or weeks after surgery and was well aware of the possible stalls. My doctor coached me through my stalls and I also did a fair amount of whining about the first one here but eventually, they lost their potency over my emotions as I realized that I lost in stages or steps rather than a straight line.
5) From my previous weight loss attempts, I knew that weight does not go down in a straight line for me, and that I needed to look at the trends rather then any specific number on any specific day.
6) I do not feel that I have to adhere to any specific rigid diet forever. I did follow my doctors program religiously to lose the weight and have learned that I am maintaining just fine by following some basic rules now. My doctor told me to continue to eat protein first for the rest of my life, to not drink my calories and to refrain from grazing. He believes that this alone should be enough and so far it has served me well. I do snack and I do eat treats but about 80% of my meals are healthy.
7) Losing weight HAS solved many problems for me, but of course I already had a great marriage and kids and a wonderful life before surgery. But, I have grown and changed in many ways in these two years and I would say it has helped me live a much better life. I know there are limits to what weight loss can do, but it should also not be underestimated as a great source of renewal and energy.
8) My social life has changed since surgery. I go out more, I have more friends, and I do have a much better time at social occasions. I know this is not true for everyone, but it was true for me. My husband even comments about how I never really wanted to go out before surgery, now I can't wait to go dancing with friends.
9) My marriage was already a work of art before surgery, my husbands love, care and devotion right after surgery and his help with cooking and meal planning only served to make him even dearer to me. I am truly blessed, I married a good one. I don't think I could have done as well without his support. I know that WLS as well as any stressor, can really test a marriage. Some find that the problems they already have become magnified, others find that they settled for the wrong spouse. I think these issues were there before surgery, surgery just makes you face the truth about many things in your life. I am eternally grateful that my truth is that I married my best friend.
10) I have lost and gained weight too many times in my life to believe that. I do believe that if I follow my basic eating plan and weigh myself everyday and continue to remember where I came from, I have a really good chance to never be fat again. My doctor told me that although I must forever stay vigilant, he would not expect to see any large gains in my weight at this point. He has been right about everything during this process. Why would I not believe him now? I have been at goal for over a year and a half and I intend to stay at or very near goal for the rest of my life. Since I weigh myself everyday, I could never wake up one morning, get on a scale and be surprised by a 20 pound weight gain. I will never again be an ostrich and that is all I can really promise myself.
1) Most of us do lose our hunger after VSG, although it does seem to return but in lesser strength for many of us. Some, unfortunately. never experience this and I think it is much harder for them to stick to a particular diet. For me, I lost my huger completely until about six months out and now I have it, but it is rather mild. I would rather have it then never feel hungry again. It seems to add something to my enjoyment of my food. I no longer have the ravishing hunger I experienced my whole life before VSG.
2) I ate under 800 calories until goal and was truly satisfied with that. I really did not feel that I needed more to be happy. Since reaching goal, I have increased my calories to about 1200-1800 a day and am quite satisfied here. I do not suffer from hunger or feel deprived in any way.
3) My doctor did set clear goals he wanted me to hit in order to meet goal. He told me that if I did not hit them my chances of reaching goal would diminish. He did not say that I would never reach goal, but that statistically, my chances would be reduced. He wanted me to lose 50% of my EW by the 3 month mark, 50% by the six month mark and the rest by the end of the year. I reached 50% by the three month mark and reached goal at 6.5 months. I never felt that his goals were unrealistic and I appreciated them as they gave me a framework to shoot for. I know others that have lost slower and have reached goal, but I also know many who did not.
4) I did not have a particular amount of weight in mind to lose in the early days or weeks after surgery and was well aware of the possible stalls. My doctor coached me through my stalls and I also did a fair amount of whining about the first one here but eventually, they lost their potency over my emotions as I realized that I lost in stages or steps rather than a straight line.
5) From my previous weight loss attempts, I knew that weight does not go down in a straight line for me, and that I needed to look at the trends rather then any specific number on any specific day.
6) I do not feel that I have to adhere to any specific rigid diet forever. I did follow my doctors program religiously to lose the weight and have learned that I am maintaining just fine by following some basic rules now. My doctor told me to continue to eat protein first for the rest of my life, to not drink my calories and to refrain from grazing. He believes that this alone should be enough and so far it has served me well. I do snack and I do eat treats but about 80% of my meals are healthy.
7) Losing weight HAS solved many problems for me, but of course I already had a great marriage and kids and a wonderful life before surgery. But, I have grown and changed in many ways in these two years and I would say it has helped me live a much better life. I know there are limits to what weight loss can do, but it should also not be underestimated as a great source of renewal and energy.
8) My social life has changed since surgery. I go out more, I have more friends, and I do have a much better time at social occasions. I know this is not true for everyone, but it was true for me. My husband even comments about how I never really wanted to go out before surgery, now I can't wait to go dancing with friends.
9) My marriage was already a work of art before surgery, my husbands love, care and devotion right after surgery and his help with cooking and meal planning only served to make him even dearer to me. I am truly blessed, I married a good one. I don't think I could have done as well without his support. I know that WLS as well as any stressor, can really test a marriage. Some find that the problems they already have become magnified, others find that they settled for the wrong spouse. I think these issues were there before surgery, surgery just makes you face the truth about many things in your life. I am eternally grateful that my truth is that I married my best friend.
10) I have lost and gained weight too many times in my life to believe that. I do believe that if I follow my basic eating plan and weigh myself everyday and continue to remember where I came from, I have a really good chance to never be fat again. My doctor told me that although I must forever stay vigilant, he would not expect to see any large gains in my weight at this point. He has been right about everything during this process. Why would I not believe him now? I have been at goal for over a year and a half and I intend to stay at or very near goal for the rest of my life. Since I weigh myself everyday, I could never wake up one morning, get on a scale and be surprised by a 20 pound weight gain. I will never again be an ostrich and that is all I can really promise myself.
You make some very good points, and I agree with many.. but there are many who do indeed probably have some of these unrealistic expectations (and I agree that many are really unrealistic for the statistical majority), and it's not only about the VSG, but any WLS.
I can personally never say never (said it once, and it bit me hard).. but having also walked down the road from near-SMO to normal, I also think I learned a few lessons regarding being an ostrich! Hopefully that will serve me well this time around, with the extra help I paid for with my flesh and $$!
I can personally never say never (said it once, and it bit me hard).. but having also walked down the road from near-SMO to normal, I also think I learned a few lessons regarding being an ostrich! Hopefully that will serve me well this time around, with the extra help I paid for with my flesh and $$!
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