Three years out.

I should have written this over a week ago, but I didn’t--that’s both the consequence and the contrast of my life these days, as opposed to three years ago: I actually have one (a life, I mean), and it tends to keep me from being on time with things like this.

April 11th was my three year anniversary.

Three years.

I think standard procedure indicates that at this point in my post, I’m supposed to point out all of the things that have changed for me.
But, my friends, we really don’t have the time for that, so let me sum it up: Everything.

I’ll give you the highlights--

I’m healthy, happy, confident, comfortable, sexy, and a vastly more secure and aware of myself as a person.
I don’t attribute those things to my current weight, but much more so to the process of losing the weight and uncovering the person I was underneath, pound by pound.

I was a person who spent almost their entire life as a morbidly obese individual, and now I am a person who is (vaguely) normal, experiencing life for the first time.
It’s pretty incredible, if you ask me, this whole ‘life’ business.

For those who are curious, I’ll skim over some of the most asked questions:

1.) I still maintain an mostly protein diet.
    *I’ve been known to nose dive into the bread box here and there, I try to avoid it whenever possible, but I still make mistakes.

2.) I can eat much, much more than I could initially, or than I could in my first year post op.
    *That doesn’t mean that I DO. I never eat until I’m full, I strictly only eat until I’m satisfied or have consumed whatever portion I have carved out for myself. Just because I CAN eat a certain amount, does not mean that I am willing to. I could, theoretically, now eat a ‘normal’ portion.
    *This may be easier for me than for some other people, because pre op I had never experienced the feeling of fullness, and post op the feeling was SO alien and uncomfortable that I avoided it, and still do to this day. That’s just me. I still eat four to five small meals a day.

3.) I did have regain.
    *Directly after I hit my goal, I bounced up 10-15 pounds. I’ve stayed within that range, almost effortlessly. That was about a year and a half ago.

4.) No, I haven’t forgotten what it was like to be my old self.
    *I don’t think we ever really forget. I think, with time, we can become used to our new bodies. I no longer see the 440+ version of myself when I look in the mirror, but I do think of her. Often. I am accustomed to my new self. I am in love with my new self. But I am eternally grateful to the girl I was before I ended up here in this new body. I think of that old self with much more respect, compassion, and affection than I ever spared her at the time.

That’s really all I can think of.

But to those just starting out, I do want to impart some small bit of advice: be kind to yourself.
Drop the comparisons, don’t lose your mind when you stall (it’s a GOOD thing, really! It means your body is catching up with itself) and don’t build your scale into a golden calf--the numbers won’t define you, in the end. Be your own friend, support yourself, and cut yourself a little slack; you’re doing something that is equally brave and difficult.
Every morning when you wake up, be proud of what you’re doing, because it’s really no small thing. You will make a million daily sacrifices that no one will applaud you for, or even recognize. That’s ok--in the end, it’s no one’s victory, or responsibility, but your own.

I’ve made some wonderful friends here, and have quite a few heroes who I will be thankful for always. It’s a much bigger community than it was 3 years ago, and I think that’s a beautiful thing. So my absolute best wishes to everyone who’s changed/changing their lives: you’re my heroes too.


-Abby

Awesome update...Thanks Abby!!!

Thanks Ani, and Wow-- Love the new picture!

You're such an inspiration!! =)

Thanks Maggie, best of luck with everything!

Wow Abbey, 200lbs, that is awsome!  I'm so glad you posted it's so good to hear of people much further down the road with this surgery.  I'm so scared of my stomach getting bigger hopefully before it does I will have the good habits nailed.

Thats the whole key, I think: change your habits early on while you have the best restriction, so that later on out when you are packing a little more room, you'll be less likely to slip up. Hey, we're all human.

I will tell you this, if I do the pouch reset or go liquid for a few days, my stomach restriction DOES snap back into place.

So do't worry about it too much!

Thanks, that is reassuring.

What beautiful, beautiful writting. Thank you for checking in. We do wonder off for a few months then return.

Your soul is beautiful and remembering who we are... and most of all, A million sacrafices that no one will see or recognize, it's our own victory. That was very moving.
Happy all worked out and we all know 3 yrs ago it was very new. So thanks for being that couragous trail blazer, leader.............

Bless your heart and keep shinning.
Much Respect
Cheryl

Cheryl, hat was a very sweet response, thank you!

I owe a lot to the ladies who came before me. I woke up with no idea what had been done to my body, and there are people here who I will never, ever forget *****ally held my hand and taught me so much. I have a very special place in my heart for them, and for this board. Even if I tend to disappear from it for months at a time. :)

I remember your avatar, and it's great to see how well you've done!

Abby