Prayers Requested

Please keep Dale, Todd and I in your prayers today, I have been very STRESSED lately, as well as, not feeling well myself.  However, my 11 year old son has been having major attitude problems and I assumed it was puberty, but this week, I have found out that due to his weight, he has been being the focus of bullying at school.  He can't seem to get his work done at school, the past three days he has had four hours of homework and when I addressed the issue, it has finally come out.  He has made small comments, but I have been attempting to get him to handle it on his own, but this week it has gotten soooooo much worse, he has come home with his shirts marked on and ruined, not to mention it is beginning to build up inside of him and I am afraid he will break and get into a lot of trouble. He is a good kid, but there is only so much one can take, if you know what I mean and I am afraid that he is getting to his breaking point.  I am not feeling well today myself, but I am going in to his school to talk with the administrators, please keep us in your prayers that they take this situation as serious as I do.  I hoped that I would not have to get involved, by letting him handle it, but it has gotten past that point and it time to get involved.  I hope that they understand my concern and not look at Dale in a negative light, because I believe he is honestly trying to take the high road in this matter.  Trust me, I know my son is not a saint, but this bullying has got to stop and not continue, it is effecting him in ways that is becoming damaging long-term within his self esteem.  ANY SUGGESTIONS WOULD BE APPRECIATED!!! Thanks,  Shelia

Shelia, I have no real suggestions, except try to get Dale to open up about it, maybe not to you, but to someone he trusts and probably thinks is "cool", or whatever the word is now.  I know this is hard, I remember when mine were that age.  I will keep all of you in my prayers. Marilyn

My thoughts are with you.  I don't have a teenager yet, but my 5 year old is 4'2" and weighs 85 pounds.  He is a solid little boy...very active and very sweet.  He already has kids tell him that he is fat.  I HATE it.  I weighed 160 pounds when I was 8 years old.  So, I totally understand.  I was very introverted because of the teasing.  Now, you can't shut me up!  I was like that before WLS....Anyway, I think you are doing the right thing.  I wonder how we will handle this.  I HATE that kids can be so mean!!!!  It just means that those kids are unhappy in some way....very sad.  Keep us updated.  I have two boys that will both probably be very big kids.  My husband is 6'2" and weighs around 350.  He had WLS and lost over 100 pounds but gained some of it back.  He was 440 when he had surgery.  Anyway, I don't have any good advice for you.  I am just praying that all goes well and that your son realizes that he is a GREAT kid no matter what his size, and those other kids are the ones with the problem! Take care!

Shelia, PRAYERS going out for all of you,  We have been where you are my step son is over weight and has been bullyed and been a bully himself, it has cause him so much pain he has man breast due to his weight and now he claims to be gay he just turned 16 this has been going on since he was 9, Rather he is gay or not that is not the point but being over weight as a kid is very hard, kids these days are so mean......... Prayers for you and your family and for the school and for the mean bullying kids.  hugs Annrenee

Hey Sheila! While in the past this issue was not something that administrators paid much attention to...all of that changed when Columbine happened.  When you talk to his principal and guidance counselor make sure to mention that you are aware of the renewed interest in administrators taking an active role in achieving a safe learning environment.  You might offer to get in touch with Mike Herman to arrange some training for the staff if the principal doesn't seem supportive (which I can't imagine!)   This is a big deal at the State Dept. of Ed.  See the information below and also you may want to look on the state webpage.  Do a search for no bullying.  The site is www.state.tn.us/education Here is something to get you started:

No Bullying Implementation Training 

Bullying behaviors can have a significant impact on the safety and climate of our schools. Implementation training and program materials for the Johnson Institute's No Bullying program are available for elementary and middle school teams committed to addressing this problem.  Contact Mike Herrmann at (615) 741-3248 or [email protected] for more information. Safe Schools Seminars

The Tennessee Department of Education’s Office of School Safety and Learning Support will host regional seminars for a limited number of school personnel.  These seminars are being developed to assist districts in meeting the planning and policy requirements associated with the Schools Against Violence in Education (SAVE) Act. 

Morning seminars will be held from 8:00 – 11:30 AM and focus on the issue of threat assessments.  The afternoon seminars will be held from 1:00 – 3:30 PM and focus on bullying and harassment.  Directions to the seminar location will be faxed along with registration confirmation.  A description of each seminar can be found by click here. For additional information about registration, please contact Lori Ungurait at 615-253-6382 or [email protected].

Hey Sheila:  I have no wisdom to contribute, but want you to know that I feel for you and yours and I'm glad your son has such an informed Mom who is willing to advocate for him.  Also, as usual, I am impressed by the wonderful support from this board.  Freddie knows exactly how to handle this, and that's what this is all about.  Just know I'm in your corner and I'm thinking about you folks.  Jane

Oh Sheila. I am sorry you and your family are having a rough time right now. Dale is such a nice kid and he does not deserve to be bullied - nobody does. I don't have any suggestions but I do think you are doing the right thing to talk to the school about it. You are teaching Dale that he does not need to put up with this. Luckily, there are only a few more weeks of school left so tell him to keep his head up and don't let these bullies win by stealing his spirit.  Hugs!

Hey Girl!  Hang in there, I understand completely where you are coming from.  It sounds like a lot of good suggestions have already been given.  It also sounds as if you are handling it very wisely.  Just keep a cool head and your shoulders and know that you are in our thoughts and prayers!

Sheila,

  It's not like life isn't tough enough but as a mother this is devastating.  I have been there twice.

  My son and my daughter never had a weight problem and I never understood that because their mother had become morbidly obese and their father is a really tall big sized guy that has struggled with his weight his entire life.  He has told me many times over the years how he was bullied at school. 

  However both of my children being thin were never sheltered or escaped the school bully.  A bully will always seek out the weakness of another to bully or humiliate.  For some reason in the warped mind of a bully there is some kind of need or fancy they get from humiliating others.  I made several trips to the school about each one of them.  Many times. 

  My reception in the school office was treated different with each time I had to go down there.  Some of the staff thought it was great that their parents were involved in their child's life and they made sure they helped me with the problem.  Because they know that if a parent is involved in all aspects of their child's life this child will succeed, and the majority of educators that I have been involved with (not all of em) wants your child to succeed.  Then there is rest of the staff that I encountered that treated me as an over zealous over protecting mom, and they pretty much went out of their way to make sure both me and my child were miserable. 

  But you know what, I have found this in every facet of the work place that I have ever been employed by.  You always have this one person that makes sure that everyone else in the office is miserable.  I think they were the school bully when they were younger.  They are miserable with themselves and miserable with their lives and they feel the need to humiliate others.  I never understood it. 

  Dale is extremely bright, I have heard you speak of his academic accomplishments several times and it always makes me smile. Every child is different as well as they should be that just happens to be his strength...Sheila, this is not going to be easy...  Somehow you have to find the strength deep down inside to over come the emotional struggles that are getting the best of you...  Dale needs you and he needs you to stand up for him.  Cause no one else in the whole wide world is ever gonna stand up for him except you and Todd.  That does not make Dale weak in any shape form or fashion.  Some will disagree with me and believe that you need to let him tough it out and get beat up emotionally and physically so that he can have a tough skin but I just happen to disagree.  I believe that many people struggle so badly as adults because of the bully abuse in school when they were young. 

  Don't let this mountain overwhelm you...  I believe that you just have to stay focused on one step at a time.  It is going to be hard when you go down there because the natural instinct of a mother is to protect her cub.  Try really hard to keep your emotions in tack.  When people feel like they are being attacked their first reaction is to put up a shield and not help you.  On this first round we want to leave the sword at home....LOL 

  You are not alone sweety.  I have my own struggles every day...  I know exactly where you are coming from...  We just have to keep reminding each other that it will be okay and we can do it.  Just ask some of the posters on the board that had to help me with my emotional melt down last week.. LOL  I don't know what I would have done without them...

  Hugs

Hi hon, sorry that you even have to go through this. Bless your heart. I know that Dale is kind soul of a young man. Steve had it rough in that way, he was husky in school, they bullied him,he didn't play the football and where they went to school in In. that was the big thing. Actually any sports, Steve wasn't into that at all, he enjoy be'n with his friend and go'n to pow wow's and finding out about our heritage. But he was alittle chunky in the mid section, so they teased him, I don't know how many times I told him to walk away, and this was high school. When I would suggest go'n up to the school he would say No mom. I was at the end of my rope, I was so glad when we moved from there. I know that isn't possible for you. So I'm sending prayers you way hon. And along with support.... Hugs and luv Barb