ALCOHOL

Sharing is something I really don't mind doing. I will say with this topic I really didn't want to share. It is a very emotional thing for me that I am going through right now. 

When I was about 13 I had my first drink. And at 19 I was drinking every weekend. Which seems normal to a lot of people that teenagers will drink. I am turning 49 this year and I had to admit I am an alcoholic.

I was ashamed that I didn't have control of my life. I thought I did at the time. I was a functioning alcoholic. I looked like the perfect wife and mother on the outside. On the inside I was in major turmoil. I would drink to not feel. I didn't like the taste of alcohol. I did like the affects of it. I liked the buzz and it put me in a different world. 

I am not on my soapbox right now I just feel I need to share my experience with others who may have drank before surgery. Or they are thinking of drinking after WLS. 

My surgery did not cause my alcoholism. I did. I didn't drink till about 4 months out from surgery. It didn't take nearly as much to get buzzed. But I didn't want to get buzzed. I wanted to get f-d up and not feel.

I know not everyone is like me. Some people can have the one glass of wine. My one glass would add up to about six. I was close to having alcohol poisoning. I blacked out every time I would drink. I would write down the night before what we were watching on TV.  so I could pretend to remember the show if we were talking about it in the morning. 

Here is where it hurt my family. I have a very caring husband. Him and I would drink together. I would lie to him and say I was fine to drink. He was always so worried that I would get hurt when I was drinking. 

I am a sleep walker. Or at least this is what I would tell myself.  He has found me outside in the yard. Mind you we lived on the water. He has found me laying on the kitchen floor. At one end of the bed. Sleeping on the couch in the middle of the night. I would just joke about it. I didn't realize how I was scaring him. He travels a lot for work. So he is not here.

My children had to deal with a mother who was the life of the party. Not really I was making an ass out of myself. My son had friends who I would drink with at the bar. They are in their 20s so I am sure I embarrassed the **** out of him. I thought it was fine at the time. Alcohol my horrible friend did not help me see this. 

I know I have to let go of the shame from drinking. I am getting there

Today I am 41 days sober. I am going to AA meetings. I do go about five times a week. Everyone who is there is very helpful. The ages of everyone goes from 19 to 85. We all have the common thread that connects us. It feels good to talk to someone who knows exactly how we feel. 

I am grateful for this website. I have learned a lot about myself in the past three years.

I am thankful for the vets who have helped me over the years.  I didn't always like what I was hearing. 'Not what I wanted them to say to give me permission to do something that wasn't a good idea.

If you are starting out on your weight loss journey best wishes to you. We deserve to be happy and healthy. 

I just emailed my NUT about having a shot of vodka or something and was advised no. Said it would knock me out. With all my other health issues I can totally understand this problem.

I used to hide boxes and jugs of wine in my dryer...... we never used the drier. I could polish off bottles of vodka over the wknd and lemoncello.

So maybe in a way this surgery has helped me in that direction. I was a functioning closet drinker.

The liquor store must really miss me!!

I think the surgery has helped me come to terms with my alcoholism. I mean having the surgery I really had to look at what I was doing and why was I doing it. 

I do enjoy going out and not having the bill being over 60 bucks for two people. So it has saved us money in some ways.

Thank you for sharing. It's an important story. You are brave to be so honest. Thank you.

I'm so sorry you had to go through this Susan. But I'm so proud of you for figuring this out and having the strength to fix it. You are a wonderful person.

Thank you Grim. 

I am glad that I finally admitted to this. I feel like I am a free person. I am not in my own personal jail cell in my head. 

Learning is one of the things I am getting from AA. It is like growing up all over again. I am going to 49 this year and I feel like a child with things I am learning. 

I am proud of myself for doing this. My daughter is so supportive which I was afraid she was pissed at me. She is not. My son on the other hand doesn't want to talk about it. Which is fine for me. He will be when he is ready. 

I have done a lot of things over the years. I have to deal with them at some point. But right now it is a day to day thing. Meaning dealing with not drinking. 

I know I am not cured. I will be in recovery for the rest of my life. I have met so many wonderful people here and at AA. Now learning that everyone does not want something from me. They want to help me. 

That is scary asking for help. When you were the person who was always helping others.

Thank you for saying I am a wonderful person. One day I know I will think the same about myself. It is a process. 

I can only imagine how hard it was to have to come to terms with this and make a decision to admit and deal with the problem. Congratulations on being 41 days sober.

I'm not familiar wit AA or the process of recovery, but I wish you all the best. thanks for sharing. 

Congratulations and thanks for your honesty!  We do deserve to be happy and healthy.  WLS has presented me with new challenges to get more honest about what I eat - food's always been my drug of choice.  I've recently realized that so many years of hiding, denying, guestimating and forgetting what I ate has been very deeply ingrained.  Now I'm committed to being 100% honest about what goes in my mouth.  I'm using a scale to weigh my food and MFP to track everything honestly.  When I feel that pull to eat off my plan, I've committed to speaking up about it and getting that 'want' out of my system in a more healthy way.  It's hard and it's so easy to forget and go back to automatic behaviors.  I'm thankful for this place too!

Congratulations to you. It is totally a learning experience on a daily basis. 

Thank-you so much for sharing your story, you're very brave & I'm glad that you're getting help for your addiction, & letting go of the shame that goes with it. Congrats on being 41 days sober. You deserve to be happy & healthy & I hope that you'll believe for yourself what a wonderful & caring person you are.