Food for thought: are you more process or results oriented?

Something to think about. Because I’m thinking about it.

 

Not to single anyone out, but this was the catalyst for my thoughts. There was a poster last week who was thinking of going on a pretty extreme diet to get rid of that last couple of pounds to goal. Now we always say we’re not on a diet, this is the rest of our lives, but when that scale won’t budge, it never ceases to amaze me how we (and I include myself in this number) can fall prey to the diet mentality.

I have thought about this a lot since that post and what I have come up with is this. In the beginning when we have surgery we are very much results driven. We want the weight off and the movement of the scale motivates us. It makes us feel good. It propels us to do the right things, not only because of our physical limitations but also to keep the scale in a downward motion.

 

For some of us, this period of time, this so-called “honeymoon," carries us through to goal. For others, like me, it leaves you very close but not quite. And that’s where that results-driven attitude can get you into trouble. It happened to me. I became depressed, angry, resentful. I was doing all the right things. How come I wasn’t to goal? How come other people are getting there and not me?

 

Then one day (or more realistically over a series of days) I came to realize this—I do truly want to be happy. With my life. With my self. With my body. With my purpose on this planet. In order to do that I had to be more process oriented. That is to say, that I had to place my primary focus on how I was accomplishing a healthy life instead of the results of that healthy life. Because the scale does its thing. It goes up. It goes down. My scale measurements for the last four weeks are as follows (oldest to newest):183, 178, 182, 175. For a results oriented person, that would drive them batty. But I am trying to focus on the process. Am I exercising? (yes) Am I eating right? (for the most part yes…I think I am getting this moderation thing slowly but surely). Vitamins? (yes) Water (most definitely) And am I happy on the overall with my body? (save for my excess skin…yes)

 

So I challenge you to think about that for yourselves. It’s not something I think new post-ops can understand until they get to the place where they are starting the dreaded “plateau." In fact, I think pre-ops can understand this better than newbie post ops because before I had my surgery, I would have been happy as a clam being 180. Now it seems to be not enough some days!

 

What this all boils down to for me is this—I need to be good to my body. Good to my spirit. What shines through in me is not some supermodel body (I’ll probably never have one of those less’n I win the Mega Millions) or a number on a clothing label, but my spirit. So I could spend time fretting over my size or I could go out, live the best and healthiest life I can, and let the chips fall where they may (whi*****identally, is probably going to be on the side of maintaining a healthy weight for life).

 

Food for thought.

I believe I am more process.  I enjoy the scale moving down, but I am more concerned about being good to my body on a daily basis.

I am a knitter and us knitters talk about process knitters and product knitters.  I am more about the process in knitting also, not just about the finished result.

The Amish in our area usually leave a mistake in their finished hand projects so they don't get proud of what they have accomplished.  God certainly likes to keep me humble because he lets me "fall down" all the time, in most every area of my life.

I didn't get to where I needed RNY by wanting the end result of being obese, I got there by enjoying the process of eating.  Now I'm turning from satisfying my every appetite, to choosing to enjoy the process by being kind to my body, saying "no" sometimes if it is for my best.

Hope that makes sense.                                                                          

That was a great post Nik, and I can see what you mean.  The scale is the motivator for us newbies, but in all honesty, if I didn't lose another pound I should still be happy. I wanted to be healthier (and now I have no more diabetes or high blood pressure) wanted to be able to do things ( I can walk miles and hike without pain and very little fatigue) so I shouldn't care what the scale says, right? Right!!!

Sure!!

Uh--huh!!

Truth be told, we all feel as though this is somewhat of a contest, blame it on the Biggest Loser, or whatever but we all want to hit "goal."  My goal is one I picked out of thin air, remembering a time when I felt good and didn't have any health issues, but we'll see how I feel about it as I get closer to it.

That post (extreme diet) bothered me pretty bad.  I was even talking about it with my husband this weekend.  Where are we finally content with ourselves?  And if we were 30 pds away from goal after losing 100-200 pds...are we really going to view the journey as a failure and do something that could possibly be disastrous to our health over time? 

Do you guys know how wonderful you are. I am one of those lurkers that read, but don't write.  If almost by magic someone says something that I need to hear.  Something that speaks to where my head is at. I so appreciate this. Thank you.  I have been struggling with trying not to feed the head hunger and not be a slave to the numbers on the scale.   This is a process, being a process person usually, I need to make this a process too.   Thank you again for the reflection.  Thank you for being there for me, even though you might not know it.

Dee

Nik,
Thank you for posting this - you really timed it perfectly. I have been whining about not losing as fast as I thought I would and even wishing that I could fast-forward to 1 year from now so that I could see the difference!
What is it about being thin that makes us think that we will also be HAPPY?  If I fast-forward my life, I could miss out on some great experiences! 
I'm really trying to be "happy in the moment", but I struggle all the time with this...I've even started taking SAM-e, a supplement that's supposed to help with mood and depression.

Any tips or advice for a "results" person who is trying very hard to become a "process" person?

Like I said, it’s sort of a thing you come to in your own way. For me it was the stop in the scale movement (although if you were to read my entire postography you’d see that I was pained by the whole damn process since the beginning).

 

For the part of me that made a conscious effort (as opposed to the part of me that really had no other choice besides acceptance) it was little stuff. First and foremost, FORCING myself to stay away from the scale for lengths of time. I think it was Kathy S.’s “Scale Hell Challenge" that really gave me some good perspective. I handed my scale over to a family member and instructed them not to give it back to me no matter how hard I begged and pleaded. Then I also avoided scales in other places. In the absence of that as a measure I kinda had to pay attention to other things. So when I exercised it was no longer “gotta lose X pounds this week." All of a sudden it was “I really would like to bump up to X mph or X intensity or X reps." And my eating sort of fell in line with that. I started to notice that I did better with workouts on certain foods (most namely peanut butter…and I’m not saying that to be funny. It gives me boundless energy and my overall workouts are better if I do peanut butter+ simple carb before a workout).

My mentality? That took a minute. Some days I see myself and I say “damn you’re thin." And other days I look at myself and feel like a whale. It’s crazy. But what I also discovered taking a break from the scale is that I like to be busy. Like really busy. I’m the person that thrives on a totally insane lifestyle. My kids know that about me. I didn’t. So I try to keep constructively busy (for instance this summer I’ve redecorated my bathroom, my yard is looking the best it has ever looked, I have signed up for Zumba classes, will co-lead my daughter’s Girl Scouts troop and I’m starting a side business with a friend. Oh…and I’m also apply to grad school). So knowing what nourishes me outside of food and knowing what makes me feel happy and fulfilled. I lose sight of that dealing with the scale.

 

I weigh once a week now and it does unnerve me to see the dramatic movements but it’s ok in the end. It is what it is (do you KNOW how much effort I’ve put into being able to say that???). Whenever I start to forget that God sends someone along to tell me.

The other day I was at the Y doing my elliptical. I was doing the highest resistance (100) at the highest incline (10) and this lady gets on next to me. I’ve got my headphones on and I’m watching “Chefography" on Food Network (for Guy Fieri) and the lady taps me on the shoulder. I take off my headphones and she says, “You go girl! I’m at a 35 but I’m gonna catch up to you!" That was inspiring. Not only that I am doing well and progressing but that something I’ve done has motivated someone else.

 

Ok, now I’m rambling…

I've moved my scale to the attic and weigh about once a week now. Sometimes, I can even go for 2 wks!  I thought I would be a fast loser with a BMI of 56, but it turns out that I'm losing 1 lb/wk lately.
Thing is.....1 lb/wk would have been absolutely fabulous pre-op, but now I'm thinking "is that all"?

I can pass by the mirror a few times in a day and several of those times, I'll say "yep-getting thinner" and then, all of a sudden it's "doesn't look like I've lost anything at all"!   The mind is a powerful thing.

I think this surgery was invented in part, because obese people have problems with delayed gratification.  Diets are so frustrating because we see eating less food/dealing with hunger as an extreme sacrifice that should be instantly rewarded by seeing a lower number on the scale. Someone has obviously figured out a way to get us part way there -by allowing rapid weight loss at the beginning so that we can see those "immediate" results. The problem is that no one can change your perception of "immediate"!

Thanks for the insight to this issue. I thought I must be going crazy for wanting to rush through this "journey".

Any tips or advice for a "results" person who is trying very hard to become a "process" person?


No big, brilliant advice.  Just know that it's HARD work and takes some serious emotional fortitude.  It's not going to happen over night... or even in some short time span ... it's going to take a lot of time and a lot of work.  I've been working on it actively since May or June and I'm still not all the way there. 

I've had to be lax about some things that were too focused on results like planning and tracking food religiously every single day or weighing too often ... sometimes you just have to "play normal" for a couple days and see how things go.  You just have to find what works for you and run with it.

Thanks Pam. I hope that I can just learn to enjoy my life without worrying about how fast or slow I'm losing this weight! 

I know that part of me is still in the "diet" mentality - as soon as I lose "x" amount of weight, I'll be happier and feel better (and can go back to eating "regular" food)....even though I know it's irrational! 

I'm working on it though.