End of my rope.

No, really. I might not be there soon but it's coming. I am throwing myself this one-post pity party in hopes it'll help me let it go.

I know there are far greater challenges than mine, and I am thankful for what I have, but my patience is wearing so thin. If I were one to pray, it'd only be for strength.

I made myself change a face and body I had grown to know and love, and made it look awful, but I did it to save my health. I rehabbed from my RNY alone and with PTs and nurses. I had pain I previously couldn't imagine when my intestines blocked and I nearly died, and weeks of rehab after. I have planned and replanned every moment of my day for two years. I have geared up to start fresh with exercise only to be way-laid many times because of this or that recovery period. My endometriosis symptoms increased-- both the pain and the PMS. I had a first round of aesthetic surgery-- a practice I generally don't even believe in, just because I couldn't stand that this weight loss that was supposed to bring me health was making everyone think I was horribly sick-- and to save a buck did it without anesthesia, so my Sig Ot's kids could still have a Christmas this year.

Each time, I have pushed through. I have beared down, bucked up, and pushed through.

I saw the opthamologist today. She confirmed what I suspected-- my vision may be permanently impaired-- we'll have to wait and see. My eyelids don't fully close and my eyes have to be lubricated hourly. I can't read on paper without lenses. I had perfect vision before.

I will bear down, buck up, and push through.

But this virus whatever the hell it is is doing me in. I am in the bathroom every ten minutes. I literally can't keep up with the fluids. I had to call out for tomorrow because I will never make it from my classroom to the bathroom in time. I have very few sick days left-- I wanted to save a few. Wednesday, I will wear a disposable diaper to work.

I will bear down, buck up, and push through.

When this bug passes, I will have to wait to begin the exercise program I am dying to start. I will have to work twice as hard from the late start-- I need to be in optimal physical shape so I can best take care of myself after my first three rounds of plastic surgery this June.

I will bear down, buck up, and push through. I know it'll pass. I just feel too crappy to be able to imagine how at the moment.

Any year that starts out with blood inna eye and poop inna shoe can't be all good. But it'll pass.



Over! Out!

Dont be sad about a pity party - you really deserve to have one.  I know you have a full plate with life as it is...so any sort of complication isnt making it any better.

Will you do me a favor and please go to the urgent care/ER if this doesnt subside by morning?  Im getting really worried that this isnt a typical bug.  

Hope you feel better. Just think... the year is using up al the low points all in January so you can have high points for the rest of the year.

I saw the opthamologist today. She confirmed what I suspected-- my vision may be permanently impaired-- we'll have to wait and see. My eyelids don't fully close and my eyes have to be lubricated hourly. I can't read on paper without lenses. I had perfect vision before.

Huh?  Have I missed something?  Are you saying that this was a consequence of your eyelid surgery?  Did the ophth explain the whys and wherefores of what you're experiencing?

/Steve

A little slow on the uptake...just realized I hadn't answered this!

I had really serious edema inside the eyes-- my conjunctiva blistered, and the pressure was/is pretty intense and still hasn't left. So my eyes are misshapen and naturally, with it I am prematurely presbyopic. So for now I wear over-the-counter reading glasses, test again in a month, and if there's no improvement I am more or less just screwed and wearing refractive lenses for life. 

The bigger annoyance is the not being able to fully close the lids. I have to fill my eyes with gel a few times a day to keep them from drying out, and it's hard to fall asleep.

Beauty is pain, girthang.  Reminds me-- the Tim Gunn/ JFish connection's still funny. My attraction to the second one's becoming concerning. Daddy complex, dontcha know.  ;)

Do you think the eyelids not closing will resolve itself over time?  I was born with one eye not having a normal lid.  After a few cosmetic surgeries, it no longer closes completely either.  I've sort of learned to work around it, I sleep on that side and hold it closed with my hand.  There are some mornings I wake up with a lot of soreness though.  Definitely keep it hydrated.  I have a bit of scaring from the dryness and imagine eventually it will lead to cronic pain though I'm hoping not.

Um is someone gonna fix that crap?? WIth your eyes?? I'd push that through someone elses face.

Come on woman!

You've come this far, you can do eeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

Shari...you've got a TON of people in your corner here. If anyone can overcome this setback...I know it's you. You are one of the most positive people I've met on this board. PM me anytime...to whine...scream...curse   whatever...I'm here girl.

OMG     can something please start going right for you?!?!?   please!!!
after all you have been thru so far - I was REALLY hoping this surgery would be a positive for you.   especially knowing that you werent doing it for vanity reasons.   if anyone needs and deserves it - it would be you!

so, did the surgeon "cause" this problem?   like, could he have nicked your eye or something?  or is it just a weird thing that just happened?   can anything be done to correct it other than just glasses?   will it improve over the next few weeks - months....?

i agree that this does not sound like your normal flu bug.   maybe you should have your doc  or the ER check you out.   you dont need to get dehydrated on top of everything else!

DAMN Shari - I wish there was something to say that would lift your spirits - give ya hope.....     I am thinkin good thoughts for ya (especially on the no diaper on Weds thing!!!)     until I think of something - tie a knot and hang on!!!

Hang in there, and see if there is anything that can be done to fix the issue!

Also, sweetie, you're allowed a pity party now and again. You are also allowed to ***** gripe, rant, rave, whine, or whatever other sort of communication you need to do to cope. Yelling helps sometimes, too, you know.

I hope you feel better from the virus from hell soon.