*update* how to handle a b**ch at work

Some of you may remember an earlier post regarding problems I am having with a co-worker.   Here is a link to the post.
www.obesityhelp.com/forums/amos/4289432/O-T-how-to-handel-a- BTCH-at-work/#35325618

Well the problem has not gotten any better.  I am seriously over it.  I finally told my boss that it needed to be addressed and he got upset and said "I hate dealing with things like this".  My boss said he will have all of us talk but he wants to get the owner of the company involved because he does not want to screw it up since we are BOTH valuable employees.

So I have 2 questions:

1.  Should I "tell all" in our meeting (things she has told me in confidence that she shouldn't have like other people's rate of pay)

2.  She (the lady that hates me) wants to throw a baby shower for me. Just this week she asked me when would be a good time.  Why she wants to do this when she clearly has issues with me is beyond me.  She is definitely a prime example of a "two faced b**ch".  I want to send her an email telling her I do not want a shower, but am afraid this would create even more problems. 

Is this person someone you report to?  If she is, she most likely hasn't broken any HR protocol by looking at your pay rate or anyone else *****ports to her.  If she is your peer, then she has violated your privacy and anyone else's private information she doesn't have authority to view.

Your boss may "hate dealing with things like this" but that is why he is the "boss"...once you report a privacy violation, he is required by law to follow up with the individual who violated your privacy and ensure that it does not happen again.  At the very least you are going to lose this "friend"...hopefully your boss will have a private conversation with this individual and she will stop the behavior and that will be that...in my experience, that is not the likely outcome.

Make sure you have notes with the dates and times she told you these things...

I do not report to her.  She is my boss' assistant. 

I have no proof that she violated my privacy.  I only know that she has told me what others make, but she does have access to this information - doesn't mean she should have told me and I am sure she has told others what I make.

first of all other people's pay my question is why when she had that conversation the second you knew where it was leading to listen to what she had to say?  I would have cut her off by saying isn't this conversation a no-no?  And the boss hates these things when he said that I would have said to him I guess it comes with the title/territory and I wouldn't be surprised if the owner gets pissed off and considers this petty bull**** some owners would say to the boss this is what there is a boss for.  It could backfire on all of you.  I think that the three of you meaning you, her and the boss should have a sit down and have it out.  I mean obviously it needs to be aired out but come on the boss needs to put the ***** in her place because discussing someones salary is against any company policy.  Aren't baby showers supposed to be a surprise to the expecting momma?  Do not send her any kind of communication she can turn around and twist things and use on you. If it were me I would say to her listen I know you don't like me and the feeling is mutual however we both have to earn a paycheck so lets be pros and do our jobs and communicate on a need to do so basics and please don't throw me a shower let someone else do it if they chose to do so.  I'll bet that will leaving her gaping at the mouth! I am a straight forward person no *****footing from my direction.

Talk about passive aggressive.  I would find a way to get her fired (in other words crush her, sorry I am Sicilian).   She created the situation.  I would tell all privately if you can.  This is a sticky situation.  One of you may lose your jobs.  It just depends on how important her position is.  Well, you can always take the high road if you think your job is at stake.  Sooner or later she will hang herself or someone else will do it for her.  I would in no way have any personal contact with her.  Good luck.

I would definitely open up and tell all. If she is HR and is revealing the rate of pay others are obtaining, she needs to be spoken to at minimum.

Whatever you do, when the two of you meet with the boss, try and keep emotion (yours) out of the discussion.  Take the high road and stick strictly to the facts.  Certainly stick it to her where you can, but only if doing so makes you look good and reflects that you have only the best interest of the company in mind. 

From the perspective of the owner or boss, your interest in the success of the business is really the only thing the boss cares to hear about.  If it begins to like a petty squabble between two employees, the boss will not only lose respect for both of you, but also resent being put in the position of referee. 

Good luck!!! 

I hope you have this all documented in writing.  Bring notes and an agenda list with you.  Keep it strictly professional.  Keep emotion out of it.  Only bring up things that are work-related.

As far as the shower, I would gracefully decline.  You don't owe her an explanation.  Just thank her and say no thank you.

As the saying goes, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!!

I wouldn't do this....have the meeting.  You should tell your boss you made a mistake and deal with it.

I understand she is making you miserable, but getting your boss involved only hurts YOU.  Especially if you include the owner.  You will from that point on be the "troublemaker"  even if you didn't start this ****  You brought this to the boss (and owner).  Bosses do not like to deal with this kind of thing.  It's not their job to facilitate a perfect relationship between two of it's employees.  You and her are adults, you should be able to either work it out or find a way to work with each other.  You are eventually going to force your boss into chosing between the two of you and she will probably win because she has been there longer than you.

If you absolutley have to do a meeting, be the one that turns the other cheek.  Don't criticize her or talk about negative things she has said etc., again, it only makes YOU look bad.

Regardless of how valuable you are as an employee, something like this can knock you out of grace very quickly.

I've been here more than once and have had to learn my lesson. 
Again, I strongly suggest you don't do this.......

Noooooooo!!!!!   You are seriously going to sabotage your own career if you don’t learn the rules.   Your boss does NOT want to be bothered with this!  The fact that he is calling in the BIG BOSS is not good either because it is putting him under the microscope. 

Unless what this other woman is doing has the potential to cause problems for the company, from the bosses’ perspective, they're just refereeing a squabble between two women that can't get along.  Both of you might wind up in trouble.

IMO, you should bite the bullet and tell your boss that you're going to try to work it out with this other woman and tell him the meeting is not necessary.  Even if she is the spawn of Satan, be civil to her while you're on the clock.  Limit your interactions with her.  Don't have extended conversations with her.  If she approaches you to talk about anything that is not related to you performing your job, find a polite excuse to leave her standing there having a conversation with herself.

Do NOT send her an e-mail about your baby shower or anything of a personal nature.  Put on a big fake smile and tell her THANK YOU SO MUCH for thinking of you, but it's really not necessary because your family and close friends are giving a shower for you outside work.  Keep that cow out of your personal life.