OT: Advice regarding son joining Air National Guard

My 23 year old son is a totally lost boy.  He is about to become homeless, as he failed to follow the rules his sister and her husband gave him as a condition for staying at their house after he got kicked out of the house he was living at for a few months (because he wouldn't do what he agreed to do there in exchange for room and board).  He got kicked out of his sister's house a few months ago, which is where he went to live after we kicked him out -- because (can you guess?).

My son dropped out of JC after a few unsuccessful quarters, and has worked part time for 3 years at UPS.  He obviously doesn't make enough money to live on his own -- or even as a roommate.  He doesn't do ANYTHING with a thought about the consequences.  He is aimless, unfocused, immature, irresponsible -- in short, he behaves like a 12 year old.  He has pissed off almost everyone he knows, including his so-called friends, and burned bridges with just about everyone.

He just sent me a link to a part time job with the Air National Guard, which requires enlistment, asking what I thought of that idea.  Other than the obvious issue about whether he could pass a drug test, I don't know what to say.  Does anyone have any information about what is involved in enlisting in the Air National Guard?  I think he's going to end up with a dishonorable discharge at best, assuming they would even let him enlist, because he won't do what he doesn't want to do, but does anyone have any other input on this?  What is required?  What could they do by way of calling him up full time?  Where could they send him?  To Iraq or Afghanistan?  What are the benefits?  What are the disadvantages?

Maybe what I'll do is go down to the recruiters with him ... but I'm very dubious.  I don't think he has what it takes emotionally to be in the military.  But I'm at my wit's end with him.

Diana long ago I was your son I got kicked out the house at 18 and lived in my car for 3 months, it sucked BUT it was the best thing that could have happened to me. Sounds like your son needs someone to put their boot up his ass to keep him clean and straight. I say it may be the best thing for him.
I know nothing about the benies or requiremnts but if he wants to adn they will take him I would suipport him in this decision the structure may be just what he needs to get it together

I'm also worried there is a mental illness component -- I am worried he CAN'T behave properly -- but right now, it appears he is just a self-centered, irresponsible, selfish asshole.  And he refuses to go see a counselor.  I don't want him to get hurt.

What did you do after the three months?  Were you working? 

Right now he works for UPS part time, which has excellent health care benefits (not that he's using them), as it is a Teamster's job.  I don't want him to lose that job.  The Air Nat'l Guard job is also part time.

You certainly are not alone with these kind of concerns.  I guess a dishonorable discharge is maybe not the worst thing that can happen. Our son considered the military route so we reluctantly supported his decision. He failed the physical due to a high blood sugar level. It is difficult to step back from the role of co-dependency but at his age you really do need to do that. Will your son get advanced to more hours in time at UPS? Can he find another part time job to fill in with this job? It sounds like he looks for your opinion and help in making a decision? Can you help him learn the answers to your questions? In the meantime be grateful he hasn't irresponsibly fathered children, etc.

Yes, thank goodness there are no kids involved! 

UPS is ONLY part time.  He has been supposedly looking for a second part time job or full time job for THREE YEARS.  Obviously, not looking that hard.

If I thought he was REALLY asking for my opinion, I'd be thrilled.  But sadly, he's transparent in that he's trying to scare me into say "Oh, no, not my baby boy in the military!"  (I'm not that comfortable with anything having to do with the miliary, despite the new administration.) So I'm trying to see how ready I am to call his bluff, if I'm correct in thinking that's what it is.  And whether it might be something that WOULD be good for him.

Well I was making money, wasn't a legit job I did what I had to do to survive. I was muscle for a small time dealer and I stole things. Not ptroud but it is my past. 
As far as living I was lucky to have a friend I had known for a few yeears who mom took me in. I lived there for a couple of years and did pay rent when I could. I eventually got a job as a bouncer then a promoter and soon became a legit member of society.
I made to where I am now the hard way but am a better person for going through what I went through back then, it was 25 years ago now.

UPS is a great company and if he can keep both it would be ideal. At some point a light will pop on and he will realize life sucks the way hes doing and he will get it right, hopefully. As a parent theres you can't drag him there he needs to learn these things on his own, I did and am better for it today 

I can imagine that this is an extremely difficult time for your family.  It sounds to me like you really love your son, but don't know how to help him if he won't help him self. 

I don't have any information on the National Guard; but I did want to just give you something to think about.  No matter how many times he has failed in his life, try your hardest with this not to EXPECT him to fail.  I would bet that he thinks that everyone expects him to fail....maybe he even expects that of himself.  I can imagine with as much dissapointment as you have encountered with him that it would be hard NOT to expect failure......I just saw your comment about  him ending up witha  dishonorable discharge.  Who knows?  Maybe that will prove to be true....but MAYBE....JUUUUUUUST MAYBE....with you in his corner, this is what will give him the kick in the butt he needs. 

I really hope for you and for your son that things work out, however they are supposed to.  I wish you and him the very best of luck!!!!!

I hear what you are saying, and I appreciate it.  I am torn at recommending that he do something that I'm pretty sure he's going to fail at, however -- I think that would just make things worse for him, especially if he gets a DD on his record.

I wish I could put him into something like this for a few months -- with no lifelong consequences for failure.  However, it is just that sort of thinking that got him where he is today.  No consequences.  There don't seem to be any consequences that matter to him, however, so it's hard to figure out what could motivate him.  He just doesn't seem to think that way.

:(  It sounds rough.  I'm sorry you are having to go through that.  I hope it works out for you all!

I don't know about the National Guard, but I am an Army mom. My daughter enlisted 4 years ago. She always had her head on straight, never caused her dad and I any trouble but out of high school she felt lost, like she didn't have a purpose in life anymore. She LOVED her high school years and was an extremely active student. She needed purpose in life again, and she felt it was the military. The Army gave her purpose, she is doing fantastic, moving up the ladder, and now she is going to re-enlist. 

Give him a chance. Sounds like your son needs some positive reinforcement. Boot camp will either make him or break him, he will show you one way or another. You do have to be mentally stable for it or it will do you in. I think the military would be great for your son. He may have to go to Iraq, who knows. My daughter went. It was very hard. You and your son have to take many things into consideration.

Good idea to go together to the recruiters office. Just remember, some recruiters say what you want to hear, not always the truth. My daughter's friend (a female) was told if she enlisted she would not be going to Iraq. A few months later after boot camp..she was in Iraq......for 15 months.
The military might give your son a purpose in life, which he seems to be missing. What better purpose than to serve your country. I commend everyone who joins the military in this day and age. I am very proud of them all.

Good luck and God bless,

Nancy