Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.

My weight problems started back as a young child. I still cringe when I recall the school weigh ins. The nurse would weigh and yell your weight down what seemed a very long table to the transcriber. My family thought it was "cute" that I could keep up with my dad as far as food quantity. My paternal grandmother was very heavy, and eventually developed diabetes and had one knee replacement. She eventually resolved to living in a wheelchair. No one dared admit it was due her weight. At age 8 my very lean, wonderful, loving mom took me to Weight Watchers (this would be my introduction). They really didn't know what to do with me, but adjusted the food plan. I remember having to get all that protein in, which meant 4 hot dogs for dinner. There is a pin in my jewelry box, the reward for losing 20 lbs and reaching goal. My dad bought me a beautiful pale blue swim suite, my first (and probably only) two piece. I don't know why I binged as a child, maybe it was because I was treated differently. There was my food and everyone else's. I vividly remember gorging as soon as my parents left the house, I probably felt the food police were gone, but I am not sure to be honest. I just know I did. My weight continued to be a problem throughout high school. Around age 19- 20 I returned to WW and worked the plan, I successfully lost 52 lbs. Once at goal I told my mom what my starting weight was and she was horrified that I use to weight 191 lbs ( I guess to close to my dad's weight?). Seems funny now. Some great things happened at that weight( 139-141). I met my husband, and went off to nursing school both of these events occurred as a fat girl in a thin body. I managed to keep most of the weight off during nursing school until my senior year when I got married. The usual 20 lbs of happy weight came on rather than the Freshman 20. Birth control seemed to make my weight maintenance harder. There were a few more failed attempts at WW. Finally in preparation for a hoped for pregnancy I did what Oprah did, went to Optifast. Yes, I lost some. I started my first pregnancy about 50 lbs heavier than when I got married, and put on 50. My second pregnancy came along shortly after while I still had 30 packed on from pregnancy #1. I swore I wouldn't gain 50 again, I gained 60 instead. More failed attempts at WW came and went. Then, the dreaded, someone managed to get me in some pictures of my husband's 40th birthday party. No longer in denial I went to the medical diet clinic that a acquaintance went to. Model patient was I and the reward was great. Proud was I that I lost 116 "the hard way" diet and exercise. Of course my tool was Phentermine, and weekly shots of B 12 with additives. I got stuck at 190 (remember that number?) and became frustrated. Looking back I looked good (yes, there are pictures of me that time in life). I tasted thin life, and did things I never thought I could do or had lied for years about why I didn't want to. Fun things like horseback riding, hiking, white water rafting with the family. Clothes shopping with my daughters was fun because we didn't have to go to a special store for me, once we even discovered in the shared dressing room that we picked out the same shirt! Due to frustration of a plateau, boredom of strict diet and reliance on meds discarded were the tools that worked: Weekly weigh-ins for accountability, weighing and measuring, and food diary. I had 2 choices at that time to live the rest of my life on a near starvation diet with the aid of a controlled substance, or go off meds. The weight returned, my life has changed again this time not for the better. Being a nurse hasn't made this any easier. I know first hand what people say in private areas "if they would just put down the fork and exercise some..no one force feeds them...."and how no one really wants to take "that " patient. I'm being honest here placing a foley catheter, assisting with a pelvic exam or just repositioning a person who fills the stretcher isn't easy. I made it a point to always do just that as both a thin and overweight nurse thinking about how vulnerable and embarrassed obese patients usually are when it comes to things we call "activities of daily living". They needed compassion not judgment. When I was thin of course some people didn't know I use to be heavy which made it more ironic. Well now, guess what, It is time to switch sides of that gurney. I'm sure part of the comfort of going to a bariatric center of excellence is that the staff chose this area to work in and hopefully will not be judgmental as the OR drapes are lifted and I am exposed and vulnerable. Hopefully they will not be as grossed out over my body as I am every day as I try to avoid the mirror. My daughters are both in college, there is no excuse for me not to follow the plan. It is my turn once again. I hope to be a encourager to others one day. but for now it's my turn. I hope to make my husband of 29 years proud to call me his wife as well as my supportive beautiful thin (Thank the Lord) daughters. I hope to one day buy a dress I love not just one that fits and will do, and dance the night away at weddings in the future. Most of all I hope God will grant me many more years to live, and forgive me for wasting so much of my life. Most of all I just want to start LIVING again.

What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?

Living a lie and making excuses to not do things I desperately want to do.

If you have had weight loss surgery already, what things do you most enjoy doing now that you weren't able to do before?

RNY scheduled Nov 5, 2013