Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.

I've been diagnosed with Lipedema about 18 months ago. before that my life was full but I'd say a distraction from the fact that I couldn't get away from weight gain. I also have a bad thyroid and my weight became too hard to manage about 8 years ago when my sister and I started to think about getting surgery. My twin sister went and had gastric banding but I was reluctant after i saw the situation she was under after her surgery and I cancelled my procedure. I just didn’t think that the outcome of it was good enough. I've seen many people now going through gastric sleeving and they seem a lot happier and there are about no complications. I don't want complications because now that I know I have a chronic disease and am looking at a lot of surgery with liposuction as well I needed to map this for myself somehow and that was when i came across your site. I'm not very good with grammar. I make my career from art. I'm a Catholic and have only returned to that fact after many years away so I'm basically catching up all the time on prayer and life in genreal. I was also abused as a child but that's another part of my life that I'm learning to catch up on too....so I know that life is worth living and that I'm not a door mat for bad people.

What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?

I’m not afraid to die but I was afraid of living because no matter what I did I just kept getting bigger and bigger. Lipedema is such a hard thing to deal with and I never knew I had it till a year and a half ago. I've been depressed for a very long time------ because I thought it was something I did when I know now that most of my life I've been on a diet and found it harder and harder to maintain mobility. As it is today I'm using two walking sticks and I'm aiming to put them away after surgery so i can walk on any beach in the world. I've never had a physical relationship and I'm very alone with myself. I'm not looking for relationships while I'm this ill. I think it would be a curse and a sadness on any man. I think I tried to lie to myself that there was such a person that could help me but in reality there isn't and I know God really saw me as a good friend because I've taught lots of people about the lesson of compassion but now this too is about freedom and I know I can see my body as something God made and which wasn't a tool for evil like so many thought I was using because I was greedy or something like that. not being about to run or walk....standing for long periods of time and people just don't believe you are dedicated to anything or anyone. When you're overweight people can't help to think that you're selfish and I have taught myself that it's because they were told by everyone that there are no other reasons other than greedy personalities behind obese people. I hate seeing people who are obese being abused and exploited. I wish I could do more for obese children who don't know the particular disease I have and don't know it yet. I get abused a lot by thin people.

If you have had weight loss surgery already, what things do you most enjoy doing now that you weren't able to do before?

I'm pre-op