Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.
I like many others had more than one life change that led me to my battle with my weight. I was an active teen with a gift for playing athletics. I excelled in sports and enjoyed playing just about any sport. I was married at 22 and as many in my generation did, I started a family. I had 3 children in 4 years. My marriage wasn't great, and part of that was a constant negative input from my husband about my weight, and not being overweight or underweight, but just a perfect weight, which was determined by him. 4 years later I had another child by him. Our marriage lasted 16 years. Towards the end of my marriage, I decided to lose weight and get control of my emotional eating and really try to get healthy, which I did. I was wearing a size 10-12 jeans which for me was what I wore in high school and when I was so active in sports. After my divorce, It was not long until I met someone special and I was remarried, and became pregnant by him, after this pregnancy nothing was the same, my period stopped, my ability to lose weight seemed impossible. I was not active. It should also be noted that during this time I had lost my father to Cancer. This felt almost disabling and I felt so lost and so alone, I felt like my greatest security in life, my protector was gone, and I felt like life would never be the same. This joined with my new husbands love for me as I was, led to a weight gain, as did the last preganancy. I did not like myself, I did not like my life and I did not like the fact that my soaring weight gain had taken away the ability to take part in the things I loved in life, outdoor activity, athletics, camping. etc. I felt like each day was just rolling into the next. I became depressed and sad, anxious to be seen in public. It was awkward to go out to eat, because I was sure every person was thinking, wow there she goes..she is gonna get her fill. I guess to sum it up, I didn't like myself at 270 pounds and I didn' t understand how anyone else could like me either.
What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?
The worst part of being overweight is the anxiety of going out in public. The feeling of the fat around my body, under my neck, was a physical reminder each day of how bad things had become. The inability to groom and take care of my hygene needs easily was difficult and led to feelings of being 'less clean' than I felt was acceptable. Trying to even tie my shoes was breathtaking and having to climb a simple staircase was an effort, with a rest halfway up. Trying to go to Disneyland for a day or a weekend in Las Vegas was filled with short walks, and short breaks..etc...everyday chores took the wind out of me, and laying down and resting and taking naps became the norm.
If you have had weight loss surgery already, what things do you most enjoy doing now that you weren't able to do before?
I am 17 months out from Surgery. Let me say first off it was not easy. I have not had a normal course of recovery after my Roux En Y surgery. I was off work for 7 weeks after surgery, I was shaky and dehydrated and unable to get enough nutrition to feel well enough to work. One year to the day after my surgery I had a second surgery to fix a partial blockage in my intestines. I can't even say that I'd recommend surgery to anyone to change their situation of being overweight. I can say that now that I have recovered to a point where I feel like I might actually be able to move forward that it feels good to be slim. It feels good to not sweat, to not feel the rolls of fat as I move, it is nice to jog up stairs, and not be tired, it is good to sit with my legs crossed, it is good to fit in a bath tub and have the water cover me completely. It is good to wear tight size 4--6 jeans down from a size 26 jeans. it is good to walk into a public place a know that people are not judging me for my weight or staring at me for eating a cheeseburger. I enjoy swimming and walking and not being tired after doing either. Weight loss surgery is a funny thing. My recovery has been equal parts physical change and emotional change, and I would highly recommend that both of these are viewed as equally important. I can't say I was prepared for the emotional changes that go along with the physical changes. I have had to see a therapist to deal with the emotional part. If you are an emotional eater, those emotions don't go away with therapy..and you can't eat a donut after surgery, so what will you do instead? Your protective runaway donut isn't an option unless you don't mind being curled up on the floor praying for death..llllolol...which is what it feels like if you consume sugar after surgery.
I can say also that weight loss surgery doesn't solve all problems. Weight loss of 270 to 129 sounds great, but do I look great? Not really, I look saggy, my face is more wrinkled, the fat that once filled out my face is gone, leaving my wrinkles clearly in place, and very obvious. Do I look good in jeans, you bet. Do I look good naked? Not so much. If you can accept these intricacies and realities of weight loss surgery, then go for it.. But realize I studied, read up..did research attended support groups and 12 weeks of preparatory classes prior to surgery, and I was not prepared for the reality of things to come after my surgery..
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