Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.
The difference between on December 17, 2011 and me December 17, 2012 is mind-boggling. As I looked at my features, I see the same eyes, the same smile, the same nose. I see the same coloring but that is where the seminaries stop. You see that woman in the “before” pictures was an unhealthy, unhappy, unsure of herself. Lacking self-esteem, she never thought much of herself. She always saw herself as ugly, unwanted, unattractive, and always sad. She did not have many friends, she didn’t go out, and she didn’t want to go out. It was difficult for her to make friends although she smiles; she was broken in heart and spirit.
What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?
I was 230 pounds. I would smile, I would laugh but every time I saw that image in the mirror I couldn’t hide what I was an unhappy, unhealthy woman that if she kept on that path she was on she was not going to live past 50. I was sure of that; you see my family is the textbook sick family. A diabetic mother with high blood pressure and high cholesterol and a father with four stent and overweight. Two grandmothers that died of heart attacks and a grandfather that diabetes blinded. I knew that it was a matter of time before it was my time. I didn’t know how I was going to stop it. I tried believe me, I tried. I tried ever diet invented. I probably invented some but it was no use. I had no control over my body, over my diet. Over my life.
I was 36 years old and I am sleeping with a machine at night because I would stop breathing. I was borderline diabetic and I had high blood pressure. Every morning I took me about an hour to stop limping because my legs hurt, they burn and my ankles were swollen every morning. I would looked in the mirror and I will say “today, I am going to start a diet, I am going to lose weight by my next birthday, I am going to be 20 pounds lighter.” Then I would get to the office and I will have the unhealthiest breakfast you can think of. Two fried eggs, bacon, home fries and two Snapple Ice teas. I would hate myself for it but the cycle never ended.
If you have had weight loss surgery already, what things do you most enjoy doing now that you weren't able to do before?
Today six month later, I am a different person. Not only physically, but mentally. I love myself and I didn’t before. I hated it me I hate it the person I was. I am 155 pounds. I looked at the scale and the numbers don’t lie but the mirror don’t lie either. I see the person I KNEW I could be. I see a real smile, I see a real laugh. I see the real me.
This surgery changed my life. I am not a shame of myself anymore. I don’t hide my face for the pictures; I am in the front of the camera. Instead of hiding home on a Friday night, I am out and about with new friends and a new life. Instead of sitting home at night, I am at the gym working out and getting ready for my first 5k. I don’t limp out of bed any more I JUMP out and do my first push ups of the day.
As I type this I started to laugh and cry because my big unhealthy breakfast of the past was replace for a small bowl of oatmeal with raisins. I am not still at goal, I have another I don’t know that the future hold for me but whatever it is, it is full of possibilities and wonder.
Angel1974
