Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.
I started gaining weight when I hit puberty. From the age of 12/13 to when I had my surgery at age 39 (almost 40), I struggled with depression over my weight and body image issues. I slowly gained weight over the years until I ended up at 273.8 lbs on surgery day. I am only 5"1", so, that was pretty big for me. My weight definitely affected my personal relationships as I was extremely insecure and jealous....always comparing myself to other women, never feeling that I was good enough for my partner. I would eat to make myself feel better and then be even more depressed and disappointed in myself afterwards. It was a vicious cycle!
What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?
This changed over the years. When I was younger (17-35ish), it was feeling like I wasn't beautiful or deserving of love from someone. I feel like I settled with a man because of my weight. He was horrible and luckily I left him at age 25. My next serious relationship was also affected. Even though he was a good person, he had some mental health issues that I lived with, longer than I should have, because I didn't think I would be able to meet anyone else due to my weight. Then, I was single for 3 years, which I think was really good for me. It let me learn to be by myself and meet someone because I wanted to, not because they were interested in me. My husband, who I met when I was 33, is wonderful. The first few years I still had the jealousy and insecurities, but, he is such a wonderful man that I was finally able to trust and believe that he really wanted to be with me and that I deserved to be happy. I had my 2nd child at 36 years of age and it was after this that I considered surgery. I had severe post-partum depression after this baby and gained about 30+ lbs between March 2010 to March 2013 when I had my surgery. By this time, losing weight wasn't about looking a certain way, etc. It was about being able to participate in my family's life instead of sitting on the sidelines all of the time. I was scared I might have a heart attack or something and not see my daughter grow up. I was in pain 24 hours a day, despite taking medications. I would work all day at my desk job, go home and eat supper and then sit on the couch all night. Never wanting to do anything with my kids or husband. Feeling like I couldn't do stuff with them. Embarrassed about how winded I got if I did try to do anything with them. Very ashamed of myself.
If you have had weight loss surgery already, what things do you most enjoy doing now that you weren't able to do before?
I had my surgery on March 12, 2013 and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself. As of May 12, 2014 I have lost 113 lbs. I am no longer in any pain. I am so active now: I go to the gym 3-5 days a week, I swim, bike and hike with my family on weekends. I am not afraid to try new things. My husband and I signed up the Mud Hero event in Ottawa, ON on May 31/14 and I am so excited t see what I can do! My life is 100 times better now. That is not to say that it hasn't been a tricky journey. There have been ups and downs and I am sure there will continue to be. I struggle with wanting to eat the wrong foods almost daily and sometimes I just don't want to go to the gym. But, then I look at a picture of me at my heaviest and think to myself...do you want to go back to that? Absolutely NOT! So, I push through whatever the issue is in the moment. I love being able to play with my 4 year and keep up with her. It is such an amazing feeling.
LilyBugsMommy
