Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.

Before surgery I spent most of my life on the diet roller coaster. The first diet I remember was when my mom told me to ask the doctor to put me on a diet when I was about 11 or 12 years old. I had been told so much of my life that "you'd be so pretty if you would just lose 10 pounds." It was humiliating and I was very isolated and scared most of my life - I didn't want to be different, but I was. Deciding to have the surgery was not easy. I needed to make sure I was doing it for me and not the other people in my life who thought I was fat. There were people who I thought I needed to "please" by being thin, and I knew if I did this for others, I would gain the weight back again. There was a lot of internal work to do before I went under the knife. Even after the surgery, I thought I had failed at dieting because there still a few I hadn't tried yet. It was a struggle I had to let go of. I didn't fail at dieting, I surrendered the fight and am much stronger for it.

What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?

The worst thing about being overweight was not being able to feel confident about myself. I never felt like I could say or do anything right. I always felt like what I had been told I was - "short, fat and flaky." I was never sure of myself, felt awkward in social situations and when it came to dating - I allowed a lot of things in my life because I was afraid to say no. The invisibility of being overweight was my own sort of hedge of protection, too. At least I thought I was invisible. I thought people didn't expect much of me, so when I lost the weight - my perception was that I was expected to perform differently. I thought I was expected to be as smart as I looked, or act like my slimmed down body suggested (all in my own head). I got very frightened when the shield of invisibility disappeared and I became visible.

If you have had weight loss surgery already, what things do you most enjoy doing now that you weren't able to do before?

I have been able to garden, walk, spend whole days outdoors, bicycle on long trips and even climb stairs at waterfalls without getting short of breath. I love being outdoors in the sunshine and when I was obese I could barely breathe to bend over in my flower beds - now I can weed them, plant them and even enjoy them. There is so much of life that is just more enjoyable. I am also a lot more confident, but it has taken a long time and I'm not quite there yet. I still get insecure in social situations. Another thing I'm thrilled with is being able to go into a store and buy clothes without always having to try them on. I can go to the rack pick up something in my size and take it home - oftentimes it fits and looks good on my. I don't feel like the neighborhood frump anymore, wearing over sized clothes and thinking I'm covering up the obvious.