Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.

My weight problems started when I was 10 years old. My father was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma in May and died in July of that year. I was devastated because I had always been a daddy's girl. My parents were soul mates and everyone was so worried about my mom I kind of got left behind. Everyone always reminded me to help my mom, be good, and take care of her. I spent the next 35 years trying to take care of my mom. After my dad died, my mom became very depressed and she became very focused on me. When I graduated from high school I weighed 134 lbs. I say that because at 5'2 I was only about 15 lbs overweight but you would have thought I weighed 300 lbs. My mom was so focused on my weight. She weighed me everyday and then wrote it on the 2 by 4's in our basement in permanent marker. I dreaded waking up every morning. I was on a diet from the day my dad died. I was allowed one piece of toast in the morning, hot lunch at school...although the cooks were told by my mom what to put on my plate because she was a teacher there...and one half a sandwich for supper along with a half a baked potato. I was hungry and learned to sneak and hoard food. Understandably when I went to college I gained 20 lbs because suddenly I could eat things that I always saw others eat like pizza and chips. Heavens she was livid. I was a singer. After my dad died I began taking voice lessons. Singing and the piano were the way I worked out my emotions so I think that in order for my mom to save here ears...lol...she put me in voice lessons. I was given the opportunity to sing many solos especially in church. I can remember asking her how I did and her comment was always the same...."well you sounded great but too bad no one was listening because they were too busy looking at your fat ass." Those words were devastating to me. I sang with a world renown choir, sang solos in the Cathedrals in Europe...but still nothing made up for my weight. Perhaps for some that would have been enough to make some people lose weight. For me, it simply made me turn more to food for comfort. When I was 25 I moved1200 miles from home and started graduate school. I decided that if I was going to be a good therapist perhaps I should work on a few issues of my own...duh. Well with counseling the weight poured off of me. Those several years when I kept the weight off were some of the best years of my life with my mom. She was so proud. After losing the weight I met and married my ex-husband. Unfortunately he turned out to be similar to my mom and after losing our first baby who died at 8 months in-utero...he had an affair. I was already pregnant again by that time and about to give birth to my son...and we tried to work things out...but I fell back into old eating habits and he had another affair. After my divorce I immediately lost about 30 lbs. Then I got sick and was given levaquin and cortico steroids by a doctor. My legs started to really hurt when taking that med...but the doctor said it was tendonitis and would go away the more I exercised. Unfortunately, the drug company that manufactured levaquin was not forthcoming about their knowledge about this interaction and the exercise made me worse. Within 3 years I couldn't walk even 250 steps and within five years I was down to 50 steps. It was a nightmare and one I couldn't figure out, nor could my doctor who kept saying lose weight and walking will get easier. I remember saying....I see all kinds of obese people out there walking...something has to be really wrong. Well tests would show that my achilles tendons were shredded as were some in my knees. My weight probably made it worse but it was a vicious cycle...no exercise...eating 1200 calories a day and still gaining weight. My mother because ill and died in 2006. I was devastated. She had moved in with me and I had never felt so alone in the world. I gained weight after her death for a number of reasons I won't go into here none of which were due to my relationship with her but rather due to some things her doctor said to me. In 2009 I contracted pneumonia and was given steroids to help my breathing. The weight snuck up on me and suddenly in maybe a six week period I was suddenly 150 lbs heavier. I was filled with fluids and my son finally explained to me that I was acting looney...and he was right....and he was afraid I was going to die. I spent 3 weeks in the hospital and 4 more weeks in a nursing home. However the doctor gave me Levaquin and steroids again and my ability to walk 50 steps was gone by the time I discharged from the hospital. I did lose 120 pounds of fluid and was diagnosed with lymphedema. So that is really my weight loss story...it is a frustrating circle for me...I really don't overeat...not that I don't have my moments...but for the most part I eat healthy staying within my calorie allotments, no added salt and I mean none...I don't eat canned foods because of salt preservatives with the exception of certain soups, try to keep even my intake of cheese minimized. I don't drink sodas and try to drink a great deal of water. Even doing that in December my lymphedema got out of control and suddenly I was 80 lbs heavier...and it took me several weeks to get it off. My hope is that by having the vertical sleeve the amount of food I eat will become even more minimal and that while I may never walk again...at least getting around will be easier.

What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?

For me, there are many things. I am embarrassed by how I look. People assume I over-eat and should just simply stop but there is so much more to it than that. The impact my weight has had on my health is also something I worry about. I want to be around to see my son get married, watch grandchildren grow up and find a life for myself. I want to be able to shop in normal stores and go on trips.

If you have had weight loss surgery already, what things do you most enjoy doing now that you weren't able to do before?

My surgery will be this summer. I am a mixture of fear, resignation, and excitement. See you on the loser's bench!!