Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.
I battled with my weight my entire life. I was always at least a little bit overweight except for my first year of high school when at the tender age of 15, I started not eating, taking way to many MetaboLifes a day (back when it was all the rage and contained Ephedrine), and yes, I even tried throwing up a couple times. To me, it just seemed easier not to eat. At one point in the 9th grade I got down to a size 0-2, but by the beginning of 10th, I was in a size 7 and thought my life was over. The sizes gradually went up and up until they reached about size 16, and I stayed there from around my graduation in 2004 until I'm not sure exactly when... the years are a blur but I do know that now, the past 5 years or so, I stopped going by sizes and started going by weight. Except for the 3 months in college when I became vegan and lost a bunch of weight in all the right places, Up until 2.5 years ago, I teetered between 180 and 200. Of course this entire time I thought I was the fattest person in the world. I was diagnosed with Firbomyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome in 2007. This was back before there was any medication for Fibromyalgia, and certainly before there were any commercials about it! At the time, it had only been recognized as a 'real' illness for 10 years, and most doctors still didn't even 'believe' in it (ironically and irritatingly enough, as I type this, I see that even Foxfire spell check doesn't even know it's a real word yet!). I was told to Exercise, Eat 'right', and see a therapist (which I had been doing for years anyway). I had absolutely no energy and was in constant pain, I could barely perform basic daily tasks, must less 'work out', something I had NEVER done in my life. After two rounds of short term disability leave, I ended up having to quit working at my Salon and Spa. This was devastating at such a young age and came at a time when I was just beginning and started to thrive in my career as a hairstylist and skin care therapist. I was being passed around from doctor to doctor, some said it was 'curable' (still untrue, but I will say at least two doctors I can think off of the top of my head profited GREATLY from my need to feel better, leading me down paths that I now know have absolutely nothing to do with this disorder), but most said it was just because I was 'over weight and depressed'. I was overweight, yes, even considered obese for my small height, but nowhere near what I am today... this went on for years. When I got married on October 17, 2009 I weighed 180. 6 months later, my husband and I moved here to DC. I am still not working but have since been placed on social security disability. When we moved here, I thought it would be my new start, I had always been vegetarian, and wanted to go back to being vegan. I wanted to be the wife whose husband came home to a clean house and healthy dinner on the table. My life would change for sure, I thought. I can't tell you what happened, except for the fact that I was depressed. I knew no one here, I was at home alone all day, and even if I had HAD something to do... because of my lack of energy and pain, I wouldn't have been able to do it. Needless to say, to this day, I am still proud just to have my husband come home to only a clean living room lol. So somewhere, somehow... I gained... one hundred and twenty pounds in just under a year. Again, I was passed around from doctor to doctor, trying to figure out why. I remembered the first time they actually weighted me during all of this and the scale said 265... I've never passed out, but the way I felt at that moment HAS to be the way one would feel right before passing out. I managed to hold in tears until I walked out the door, when I broke down and called my mom crying. Nobody ever found anything new wrong except a very very mild thyroid problem, that couldn't be responsible for it. Eventually my Endocrinologist suggested the surgery, which I would have never in a million years even considered on my own, I still didn't know and decided to talk to my mother and husband what she said, and they said I needed to do what I needed to do, and the rest is history.. :)
What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?
The way I feel about myself has been the hardest things. I've always felt like I was not pretty, but that I was lucky in that I 'cleaned up well', with that I mean that I was not happy with my looks, I did not think I was pretty, but I felt like I did have a little bit of self-esteem left because I thought with the right amount of makeup, hair, and properly fitting clothes, I could make myself 'look pretty' and fool everyone. Since I started gaining weight, I started feeling like I couldn't even fool anyone else anymore. I realize its twisted, but it's what my screwed up mind thought, and it was all I had left.
It's also been hard not only not wanting to do things I use to do, but not wanting to go home because I didn't want anyone to see me, even my family, especially not any of my friends! I lost a lot of relationships just by the simple fact that I didn't want to keep in touch because I didn't want anyone to know what I 'had let happen to me'.
One thing, super personal to me, that I still haven't found a way to deal with, is because I gained the weight SO fast... my body is covered in stretch marks. I pray everyday that this will tone down some once I lose all the weight, or that i am at least able to take care of it financially.
Other hard things are the simple logistics type things. I never tried, but I assumed being as big as I was, that I wouldn't be able to ride a roller coaster at an amusement park. I couldn't put my own shoes on for the longest time until I learned how to do it a different way, and forget giving myself a pedicure. And there's the fact that I use to be a shopaholic, always had to look 'cute', it made me happy... but turns out, there are absolutely no 'cute' clothes for super obese people...most stores didn't even have my size.... and okay, maybe the 1 or 2 cute things I did find... didn't look right on me anyway... I had to learn to get excited about jewelry and shoes and purses and forget about clothes. :-\ Oh and did I forget to mention that even my shoe size went up and I couldn't wear my shoes anymore... not that my weight would allow me to support myself in all those adorable heels I had in my closet.
OMG and the dreaded SEAT BELT extension on planes! There are a ton more deeply personal things, that I am positive I don't even need to say because most of you experienced them too, I'm sure.
If you have had weight loss surgery already, what things do you most enjoy doing now that you weren't able to do before?
I'm only two weeks out at the moment, but the one things I already enjoy most is the way I feel. It was hard at first, the hardest thing I've ever done as a matter of fact... but now, I feel so happy and full of hope and I can actually SEE things getting better every day! :) I try not to worry about the scales. My biggest goal is I want to LIKE the way I look for the first time ever.
TomiLaChance
