Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.

I remember when I was in 5th grade whenever I walked on the the yard at recess, the boys would taunt me by chanting "boom baba, boom baba" every time I walked. I was afraid to walk, and spent most of my recesses on the bench by the school yard teacher. I was maybe 10-15lbs overweight. Hardly obese, but clearly large enough to be noticed. That was the year I began to hate my body, feel out of control, and start a vicious cycle of crash dieting, starving myself, then overeating out of hunger. Throughout my school years, I always told myself I was the school fat girl. I look back at pictures now and realize I was not even chubby. But the taunting of immature boys had left its mark. I was simply maturing faster than everywhere else, and by high school, I had slimmed down considerably. However I was convinced I was fat, and continued yo-yo dieting, even starved myself for a period of 8 weeks. The skinniest I've ever been was 130. On a 5 foot frame, that is still considered overweight. But I am not a stick figure type. I am curvy in all the right places, and at 130, I was beautiful. I have never thought of myself as beautiful. I've always seen the fat that hides who I really am. I am first to point out that I am overweight before anyone else does. I am first to criticize myself. I listen to people's conversations when they are away from me, to see if they notice how much I've recently gained, or how disgusting I look. I've never not been on a diet. Weight Watchers, Nutri System, Jenny Craig, Atkins, South Beach, You! On a Diet, Body for Life, Low-Glycemic Index, Yoga, Eliptical, Personal Training, Pilates, Walking, Jogging, Weights, Meridia, Xenecal, Ali, Dexatrim, Metabolife, Trim Spa, SlimQuick, Xenadrine, Ephedera, Phentramine, Slim Fast, Special K. I've never succeeded. I realized how out of control it had gotten this year. I had my daughter a year ago this month, and duck out of every picture, and wonder what she'll think of me when she isn't blinded by love, and the fat is in the way. I cannot live trapped inside myself any longer. My surgery date is scheduled, but I don't think I will believe it until it is possible. To not be hungry. To not be obsessed with eating. To simply eat to be satisfied. To not feel ashamed for needing food.

What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?

The worst thing about being overweight is awareness you have of yourself and your body. Constantly feeling like others are staring at you, wondering "How did you let yourself get like that?", "She shouldn't be wearing that?", "If I was her, I would be at the gym.", "She should not be eating". Being overweight, I never give myself a break, and I can never seem to forgive myself.

If you have had weight loss surgery already, what things do you most enjoy doing now that you weren't able to do before?

I am only 5 days out of surgery and healing great. One of the things I love now that I wasn't able to do before? Lose Weight!