Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.

I felt like a failure, that I could never end up on the winning side of obesity. My appetite was too large and I could not control it. I didn't think I would be alive to see my son grow up. Food was my frenemy, my friend and my comfort and joy in a childhood full of trauma, yet as an adult my worst enemy. But during the two years it took me to obtain insurance approval for my surgery, I was a warrier. I was like a bulldog with my tenacity in pursuit of this surgery. I was fighting for my life. In my heart I knew it would work, I knew I would do what I needed to do to make it work. And I did. Although this was a lonely struggle, oddly I am most proud of how I made this happen.

What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?

Thinking that I would not see my son grow up, that he would not have his mother. I also could not move well and could not breathe. I was tired all the time. I was embarassed about the way I looked. I could not understand why my husband thought I was attractive in any way. I could not enjoy my hobbies, showing dogs and riding horses as I was just too large. I hated not looking nice and having to wear old lady clothes and shoes.

If you have had weight loss surgery already, what things do you most enjoy doing now that you weren't able to do before?

I will say that even after losing 160 lbs and not gaining in 6 years I still have that "frenemy" relationship with food. I still struggle with overeating, emotional eating, addictive eating behavior. BUT I have managed to keep it MANAGEABLE, which is what I could not do before. I enjoy being able to tackle a 10 lb gain versus a 160 lb gain! My food issues will NEVER disappear, I just keep working on it. I am not where I need to be, but THANK GOD I am not where I was! I love to MOVE freely. I love to walk my dogs and ride horses and bike and to be active! To wear my i-pod and listen to a great story while walking my dogs on a beautiful day is HEAVEN! I can be there for my son and husband much more than I could when I was 300 plus pounds. I can show dogs and wear pretty suits and I love that. I can ride my horses without breaking their backs! I can sit on the floor and cuddle my dogs. I can delight in wearing a size 10! <sometimes an 8> I am at a point where many people have no idea I had WLS, and never knew me when I was huge. Would they have liked me then? My true and dear friends and family loved me fat and love me thin. Those are the ones I cherish most. I am happy that God has given me this gift. I remember in my heart all those who have helped me along this journey...the nurses, Dr.'s, friends, online buddies, insurance people, trainers, family, happy dogs who will wallk with me, etc. It is not just ME. I never want to forget I am DIFFERENT, I will ALWAYS STRUGGLE with food issues, but with help, I can keep it together. I hope I have learned the lesson of never forgetting who I am...for there is great danger in thinking I am NORMAL with food and weight. HUGS to all of you as you find your own way, you will get there if you truly believe you will!