Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.
I had a love/hate relationship with food. I love eating and I love the flavors of food - the social connection with food. Trying new foods and experiencing culture from trying foods outside of my box. I was too in love with food and depended on food for comfort and control. Food was like a bad boyfriend and I had to break up with it and that's difficult because one needs to eat. My relationship with food was cracking and so was I emotionally (depression) and physically (couldn't walk on my left leg). I began to HATE food. I began to use food as a weapon to hurt and punish myself for being so "gross and fat". I was fed up with food. In 2009, I thought if I never eat again that would be great. If I never go grocery shopping again, if I never meet a friend for dinner and if I never cook that would be the best for me. I was sick of watching what I ate, constantly switching from watching calories, fat, carbs, protein and back again. Dieting was exhausting. Dreaming of being skinny was exhausting. Being 200+ lbs for over 10 years was exhausting and taking its toll. In the end food was my frenemy.
What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?
That has to be a tie between feeling trapped - physically and emotionally - by the pounds and hating myself. But I think hating myself was more crippling than the former. I would insult myself daily in the mirror. I was miserable because of that, not happy with me and certainly not loving or caring for myself. When you hate yourself - you treat yourself badly and that affects your decision-making, your whole life.
If you have had weight loss surgery already, what things do you most enjoy doing now that you weren't able to do before?
I love feeling free. I love experiencing life now because I'm not scared anymore - I'm confident. I love all the SVs and NSVs -those are exciting and hopeful. I love being kind to myself and liking what I see in the mirror. I love pushing myself physically through exercise and not just worrying about the pounds, but also becoming stronger, more toned. I love feeling sexy around my husband. I love (but still getting used) the compliments. I love catching that glimpse in the fitting room mirror and thinking "hey I look good". I love how my husband looks at me and the fact that he can carry me. I love that I love life - that I'm not miserable! I love finding my VOICE!
mrsfloflo
