Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.
I have been heavy my entire life. It always bothered me. I remember being in elementry school and being ashamed of it. I became very closed off and shy. I was afraid of people, I felt that I was always being judged and staired at all the time, even when I wasnt.
I used food for everything. I ate when I was sad, I ate when I was rejoicing, I ate when stressed, I ate because I was bored. I just ate.... Mostly because I was bored. I didnt a lot. I wasnt the type that could eat an entire meal and want more. I didnt eat my breakfasts at all, I sometimes ate lunch and dinner was always fatty. I am a mother of 4, I was finding things to eat that were quick and on the go. I was so on the move with them that I would grab a burger and eat in the car or I would buy a soda in the morning and sip on it all day so that I could get that quick energy and get the hunger pains to stop. When I did stop to eat we would go out a lot. My hunsband is not over weight, but he was NO HELP! He was the one who would say after dinner before bed : hey jess, want a piece of pie?". My biggest downfall was that I was a night time eater.
What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?
The worst things for me about being over weight was not being able to play with my kids for more then 30 mins at a time and being in pain from those 30 minutes. I was always tired, I never wanted to do anything. I didnt have any friends at all and if I did, they werent really close to me. I was ashmed to be in the presense of my husband in public for fearing that people were looking at us thinking why he would have me on his arm when he could do so much better. I was never naked infront of him and I was very shy and introverted when it came to intamcy. I feared people which made not go out and find what my passions were in life, I never found my hobbys, I never left my house. I lived in beautiful San Diego and I was at the beach only 4 times in 5 years of living there.
If you have had weight loss surgery already, what things do you most enjoy doing now that you weren't able to do before?
I enjoy playing with my kids. I love hearing my eldest daughter say to me " come on mommy, your going to fast" I love finding new things about me. Your gonna laugh but I woke up one morning and layed my hand on my neck and I was is awe. I said " Wow, I have a collar bone"...lol Its little things like that that make it all worth it. I can buy a size medium shirt and medium to small pants. I never in my life could do that. I wear a size 12 pants from a size 24-26 that I was. I still have trouble, because I still find I have the fat girl brain still because I got pregnant only 6months into surgery. It didnt help me deal with this surgery the way you normally do. I am working on it now, but for where I am and what I have accomplished this far, I am proud of and I will never go back to my old self. Nothing but progress from here on.
Jessica M.
