Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.
I have always been a big girl.. always taller than everyone, always bigger.. But it was never a problem growing up. I was very active, played softball, did everything that a tiny size 2 person did. I was always told I needed to lose weight, but I was never Obese.. I never had an image issue, I felt good about me and was healthy. It all took a turn for the worst after I had injured my back around 2001. I had 3 herniated disks, and it just went from bad to worse within a couple of years. they had me on so many pain pills trying their best to mask the pain that they let it go " too far " They kept saying back surgery isnt something you rush! I woke up on Fathers Day 9 years ago completly numb from the waist down, and I couldnt move. but I also felt like my legs were on fire from the inside out. The ambulance rushed me in only to hear the surgeon say.. "we may have waited a bit too long" I was devastated.. What do you mean you waited too long??? what does that even mean???? Well, once he opened me up to fix my disks, he realized it was alot worse than he had thought, alot worse than my MRI could have shown, and that now, I will have permanent nerve damage in my legs and feet. I was in such pain. and the emotional toll it took on me was severe. I didnt even realize how severe until I started taking a long look at myself in 2011. I realized that after surgery I was "different" I would never walk the same, i would never run again, play ball again, I was forever "broken", instead of focusing on the fact that I am at least walking, I just gave up. I gave up on life as I knew it, I gave up on Hope, on trying, on strength, I gave up on me. I just existed. I worked, I went home, I hung out with family at times, and just existed. I never looked back, and I certainly didnt look forward. In 2006 I even had a child. The most beautiful little boy I've ever laid eyes on. The funny part, is when i was pregnant, Nothing seemed wrong.. My back didnt bother me, my nerve damage didnt bother me.. All I could think about was this amazing life growing inside me....then he came into this world July 10th, 2006 and It was the best day of my life. You would think I would have snapped out of it right then and there, but I became so focused on him that I still didnt focus on me. Now its almost 6 years later, I have an amazing, healthy, funny, larger than life 5 year old son, who lights up my world.. my dark, gray, fat, uncomfortable world. How can I can be this person when I am surrounded by him daily?? How can I not wake up and do something? He deserves so much better.. I deserve so much better.. these are the things that go through my head. you see, this year, I was diagnosed with Sleep Apnea, ( no biggie I thought, I've been through worse ) then BOOM... Diabetes! Well, there it is!!! It finally happened!! I was determined, I was hell bent on reversing this disease. Thats all it took. I had been going through some lifestyle changes, going to the gym to start, then i started taking diabetes classes through Kaiser, and I was determined to get rid of this and change my life once and for all. I was going to be that girl, who got healthy and was told.. "your diabetes is gone" I went to a diabetes specialist concerened about developing neuropathy, since my legs and feet had nerve damage, and I told her, They swell, and they hurt and it hinders my excercise, and I am afraid it will turn into neuropathy now that I am diabetic. to which she replied.. Honey.. this IS neuropathy.. you already have it from the damage to your nerves.. Now, with the diabetes, its just gotten worse, and it scares me to death! I am going to lose a leg if I dont do something, and do it NOW!! I got serious about it and In just one month, my A1C went down from 11.9 to 8.6 and I was ecstatic!! ( I can do this, I thought.. finally I can change!! ) until the day I was sitting in diabetes class, and the RN said, I am so proud of you, you are doing wonderful, and I told her, I am bound and determined to reverse this diabetes.. to which she replied.. Oh. honey.. you cant reverse diabetes, once you have it, you have it for life. I was crushed! I felt myself slipping right back into that deep dark hole that I was in after my back surgery. The next day, the RN told me, there is only one way to possibly eliminate Diabetes, and that is with Gastris Bypass Surgery. I went home and did some long hard thinking.. you see I went to a Gastric Bypass overview class at the recommendation of my physician, in december 2009. I walked out saying.. yah right.. Like I am gonna have a "willing surgery" I have had enough surgeries in my life. I had a right nephrectomy 16 years ago, (kidney removed), my double discectomy ( back surgery ) and two lumpectomies on my left breast. I think I'm done.. I don't need this surgery, " I can do it on my own" Wow.. Have you ever tasted your own words?? they dont taste too good sometimes.. hahaa..
so I sat and thought about what that nurse had told me.. and I thought.. My friend at work had the sleeve, and my best friend had just had the gastric bypass, so I spoke to them, then I got a referral, then I came to the classes, and I met amazing people, and l listened, and I learned, and learned and learned. all about the procedure, the risks, the results.... but most importantly, I learned about me. I found me again.. there I was hiding in all this fat, waiting for someone to grab me and pull me out..I have too much too live for! why have I been wasting so much time?? I miss the me that I used to be, and I mean mentally, not just physically.. like I said before, My son deserves to have his mom 100%, and I damn well deserve to love myself again.. and i am sooo excited for this journey.. and boy, it is a journey.. I am an emotional girl, and even I have never cried as much as I do now. My tears of shame, and guilt and embarrassment have been replaced with tears of awareness, readiness, gratitude and happiness.. and I am proud. I am proud of who I am, who I've been, and who I am to become. I meet with my surgeon on February 2nd, and I pray every day.. God give me the strength.. I am so ready to work hard, Kick butt and take names.. Thus, begins my new journey.....HERE WE GO!!!!!!!!!!
What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?
How it affects my relationships.. mainly with my son and fiance. the everyday struggle of uncomfortableness, showering, getting dressed, etc.. sometimes puts me in a bad mood, and it affects them, as bad as it affects me.
If you have had weight loss surgery already, what things do you most enjoy doing now that you weren't able to do before?
get on the ground and play army guys with my son. ( he asks all the time ) I would be at my gym with my son a whole lot more, cause over time it wont hurt so bad, so I would stop giving up.. You see I am not a lazy person.. at all.. and this weight, just forces me to be lazy.. there is just so much I cannot do, that I just dont do anything sometimes.. I cant wait to do EVERYTHING!!
treefrog710
