Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.
Before I ever even fathomed myself having surgery, I was always struggling with my weight and body image. I can remember being in high school, when I only weighed 140 lbs, thinking how "fat" I was. I'm tall, 5'8, and was never one of the cute, short, girls that got all the attention. So the image I had of myself was never the greatest, even though I always got compliments on how I looked and dressed, I didn't like "me" very much.
As I got older, got married and had kids, it got worse, and being married to someone who was constantly telling me how fat I was, didn't help. After each of my 3 kids, I just got bigger, and ate more, because I was so unhappy with my marriage and my life. Food was my drug. I look back on that and really see that now. I was treated so poorly by my own husband, so I thought other people thought just as little of me.
I would diet and lose lots of weight, but never seemed to be able to keep it off. My behavior would always revert back to the old habits...using food as a buffer for my miserable life. So I'd gain it all back, and more, and face even more ridicule from my husband. Even when I lost weight, to him, I could lose MORE, there was never a "good enough" for him.
Once I divorced him 7 years ago, my attitude changed. I felt good about life again, and didn't really focus on the fact that I was over 200 lbs. Especially when I met my current husband, who made me feel loved no matter what. I weighed 212 lbs when we got married 4 and a half years ago. When I looked at our wedding photos, I was not happy with my image, but I was happy with life, so I just let it go. In what seemed like no time at all, I was over 300 lbs at my heaviest weight. It didn't happen overnight, but it sure felt like it did! I looked and felt horrible. I knew that I needed to do something, so I looked into surgery. I exercised and would lose a few lbs and inches, but nothing that made much of a difference. When I first met my surgeon, I knew I had made a choice that was going to work for me, once and for all.
What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?
The worst thing for me, was how I felt. At 303 lbs, I had trouble with everything, from climbing stairs, to carrying things, to simply just getting up and down off the couch. My knees hurt, my ankles hurt, I was out of breath. Getting dressed was hard. I felt huge, because I was, and cumbersome. I felt like everyone was staring at me. The last big family gathering we had in September, when I was at my heaviest, I didn't really enjoy myself because all I could think of was what people thought of me. Then when my cousin posted the pictures on Facebook, I was so mortified. I couldn't believe I looked like THAT! It looked like I was blown up with air!
If you have had weight loss surgery already, what things do you most enjoy doing now that you weren't able to do before?
I've lost 50 lbs since my surgery in November, and I can tell such a difference in myself. I'm still heavy, but I'm not 300 lbs anymore and never will be again! I enjoy the little achievements so far, climbing stairs without feeling winded, walking without pain, and putting on clothes I haven't worn in a long time. I know my journey is a new one, but things will get even better this year. I look forward to getting down to my goal weight, and staying there, for good.
michelle.z
