Dollface-1981

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  • BMI 28.9

Obesity & Me

Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.

I have always been a big girl. Growing up I was one of the biggest girls out of all of my friends. My mom tried to keep a watch on my eating habits, but I got pretty good at sneaking and hiding food. From the ages of 13 - 17, my mother constantly had me on diets. The cabbage diet, Weight Watchers, even a diet group through our church. The highest I ever weighed during that time was 130 lbs, and I thought I was huge. Looking back now I would give anything to be that size again! This is me at my semi-formal in 1997.. i was 16 and weighed about 130 pounds. The only thing that got me through those years at home were the weekends I would spend with my sister Jenny at University. We would buy every food that I wasn't aloud to have at home... Pop, chips, Candy, Fast foods... Those were some of my favorite memories. When I was 17 I was assaulted by a man while I was working as a nanny for the summer. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. Soon after I found out I was pregnant, and I was not sure if it was a result of the assault or if it was from my relationship (It was later proven to be my boyfriends through a paternity test) I did charge the man for the assault and was then involved in a year long trial. During the time that I was pregnant my parents decided that I was to young to have a child and told me that I would have to give the baby up for adoption. This was a very hard decision for me since I myself was given up for adoption when I was 3, along with my older brother and sister. Being pregnant gave me the liberty to eat as much as I wanted without feeling guilty.. I was eating for two. That's when I first started to gain weight, going from 130lbs - 180lbs by the end of my pregnancy. April 23th, 1999 - My world changed forever. I gave birth to a beautiful 6 pound baby girl. It should have been the happiest day of my life, but my daughter was born stillborn. I still to this day do not know what really happened. So not only did I lose my daughter, but the couple who were trying for years to have a family, lost their daughter too.... and I blamed myself completely. The next few months were a blur and I did a lot of things that I regret. Fast forward 9 months to January 2000. I found out that I was pregnant again. At that point I still had not dealt with the loss of my first daughter and there was no way I was going to go through that again. So I made the choice to have an abortion. (A decision that I struggle with to this day) That happened on a Monday. On the Wednesday of the same week, my trial ended and the man was let go because there was not enough circumstantial evidence. And to make that week even worse, on the Friday I received a call from my father telling me that he left my mother after over 25 years of marriage for one of her close friends. I can say that was the most trying week of my life. I was super depressed and started using food for comfort. Quickly my weight went up to over 200lbs. Within the next two years (2001 - 2002) I got married to my high school sweetheart and had two healthy perfect children. So there I was 20 years old with a marriage and a family. I tried to be a good wife and mother, but I was young and my husband and I fought all the time. I was eating more than ever and was over 250lbs. After trying to make it work for over 3 years, we decided to separate. We sold our home, and I went from being a housewife/stay at home mom, to living in a two bedroom basement apartment as a single mom working full time at Wendy's. I became very overwhelmed with my life between the kids, work, bills.... without help... I had a nervous breakdown. My children went to live with their father for the next four years. I saw them and talked to them as much as possible but it was so hard and I felt so guilty for leaving them. I hated myself. While the kids were with their father I made a huge career change and became a piercer at Stinger Tattoo... something I have always been interested in but never persued because I was afraid of what people would think of me. But 5 years later and I still love my job as much as I did the first day! In 2008, I stared to date my best friend and my life finally got back on track. I became comfortable in our relationship though... too comfortable and my weight ended up being almost 340 pounds by the time I decided to do something about it.

What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?

I don't think I could possibly just say one thing... but if I had to choose I would say Summer. Everything about it. The fact that I would sweat my butt off, I couldn't wear tank tops or shorts in public, swimming was out of the question! I hated having thin friends.. as much as I loved them and I did (and do) being in pictures with them.. or going shopping.. was always so embarrassing. Not being able to play with my kids.. getting out of breath just by walking up a few stairs.. the list could go on forever! Having to settle for clothes that fit. Trying to find whatever would hide my fat.

If you have had weight loss surgery already, what things do you most enjoy doing now that you weren't able to do before?

Riding my bike.. which I hadn't been able to do for 13 years! Shopping.. at non plus size stores! And having so much variety to choose from! Walking... I really enjoy it now and it saves me soo much money on taxis! Going to the gym! I never thought I would like working out but I really do... its one of my favorite times of day.

How did you first find out about bariatric surgery and what were your initial impressions of it?

I had a friend who had the band done and I was extremely curious about it but I thought it was out of my reach when I found out how much it cost. When my doctor told me about the program that was covered by OHIP I almost started to cry!!!

What was your first visit with your surgeon like? How can people get the most out of this meeting?

Dr. Hagen is probably the nicest man I have ever met. He made me feel so comfortable and explained everything I need to know. I suggest preparing some questions in advance, just in case you forget. That is the time to ask them.

What made you finally decide to have the surgery?

First, finding out that it was covered, and also the fact that I had a scare with diabetes... and that it runs in my family. I needed to become healthy and this was my last resort.

How did you decide which proceedure to have?

My family doctor explained the different ones and he said that the Gastric Bypass would work better for me in the long run. He has been my doctor for 26 years and has never steered me wrong before!

What fears did you have about having complications or even dying from from the surgery, and what would you tell other people having the same fears now?

There is always that fear when going under the knife.. what ifs etc.. but think of it this way. If you are at the point in your life when you NEED Gastric Bypass.. you are on your way to dying anyway. At least this way you have a 199 out of 200% chance to live!!!!

How did your family and friends react to your decision? Would you have communicated anything differently if you could now? How supportive were they after your surgery?

My family and friends have been very supportive and although were concerned about me having the surgery, we not surprised when I decided to have it.

How did your employer/supervisor react to your decision? What did you tell him/her? How long were you out of work?

My co workers and bosses are like family to me, and have been VERY supportive throughout my whole journey. I was only off work for two weeks.. but I think looking back that I should have taken three.

What was it like attending your first information seminar on weight loss surgery? Were you glad you attended? if so, why?

I was intimidated and I honestly thought I didn't belong there. Most of the people in the class where much larger than myself and I felt like they probably needed it more than me. I am very glad I went and it was very informative. They really explain everything in detail to make sure you really want to do it.

What was your stay in the hospital like? How long where you there? What things are most important to bring?

I was in the hospital for 3 days and I had a very good experience.. I was at Humber River Hospital Finch Site, and the doctors and nurses were great! You don't really need much but I suggest bringing your own pillow, slippers for walking the halls, and lip chap!!!!!

Did you have any complications from the surgery? If so, how did you deal with them?

Thankfully I did not. The only thing that happened was that my internal stitches started to come through my incision holes. It freaked me out at first but I found out that it is normal and they just pull out eventually!

In the weeks after you got your surgery date, how did you feel? How did you cope with any anxiety you might have felt?

I was walking on a cloud by that point! I was so ready for surgery.. it had already been almost a year from my referral to when I got my surgery date. I was so happy.. and even though I had anxiety I was to excited to let it get to me.

Describe your first few weeks home from the hospital. What should people expect from this period?

The first few weeks were really hard. I spent many nights sleeping in my recliner because it was almost impossible to sleep in my bed. I was lucky enough to have my husband home for the first week and I don't know what i would have done without him. I spent most of my days recording what I ate.. how much.. how often.. trying to make sure I got in all of my water, protein and vitamins. I did a lot of walking around the house.. to get the gas out.

How far did you travel to have your surgery? (If far, how did this affect your aftercare?)

Thankfully the hospital is only a half hour away from my home, so I was able to go home a few days after surgery. I do know a few people who had to travel for hours and spend at least a week at a hotel after the surgery. I was very fortunate that way.
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